Holly`s first night in the new house hadn`t been quite as good as she had expected it to be. She fell asleep only when the sun was already raising and woke up soon after that
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a few days ago i noticed a big moving truck loading furniture in the house across the street. i wonder who moved in. i hope who ever it is is a good neighbor not like the Stanley's. always loud and the partying kind
( ... )
My eyes snapped right open as the person standing in front of me appeared to be... Orlando. I felt my heart starting to pound in my throat and my mind was racing; I couldn`t decide weather to run or to say something incoherent.
"..Orlando.." I repeated, not being able to form decent sentences. "I..uh.."
The only person I had wanted to forget for all this time, the person because of whom I left my home and friends, was here. The forgotten form now freshly born in my mind again, his brown, loving eyes gazing in mine. I was speachless.
The first thing that popped into my mind was that this was a dream, but then I pushed it away. I had just woken up, this couldn`t be a dream, no.
I felt dumbfounded and stunned. He was here, alive and speaking.
"I.. uh." I forced out and wasn`t quite sure what to say. I was scared and stepped back again, even further, even though my heart screamed to go closer and drown in his arms.
I suddenly found myself in this very confusing situation. He was holding me by my shoulders tight, half hugging me and I wasn`t sure if I wanted to hug him back.
As much as I longer for this hug, I just couldn`t bring myself up to it. The emotions very cooped up inside me for so long, but I wasn`t able to get them out. There was a reason, however. I wasn`t sure if I would willingly fall into a snake pit or not. I didn`t want to remember all of that pain again, I had barely just started to get over it, and live with it. All the therapy, all the sleepless hours. I had been through so much. And I wanted to tell him so bad about all the awful things, but not to rub it in his face, just to share. And maybe recieve understanding and a sholder to cry on.
But I couldn`t. I was terribly afraid and my walls were building by the second. Orlando was the closest person to me in the whole white world, I knew that I will love him till my death. But I couldn`t and I couldn`t believe the words that left my mouth were mine.
i felt her hesitate under my touch. as if she didn't know what to do next. i was hoping she's hug me and let all her sorrow out but how could i be so selfish. the wound was still fresh. and to make matters worse i've made it deeper. [i]fuck![/i]
I shut my eyes stuggling with myself. He knew me. He knew me too well, and now, standing there in front of me, he knew that I wouldn`t run away. Not from him.
I did once. The time he told me that he had to leave, the time that he didn`t furfill my last wish - for him to kiss me. And then he left.
A tear rolled down my cheek and crashed against the ground. Then another one, and another one. It was getting hard to breathe and my knees felt weak.
I didn`t know where to hold on for support, I knew where I wanted to, but I couldn`t bring myself to do it.
"... it`s just.." I forced out between the streaming tears. But that was all. I couldn`t and a sob escaped my lips.
nice going asshole. look what you did to her. thats all you ever do. hurt her.
i looked at fragile form, trembling from sorrow. how i wish i could take her pain away. but i know the last thing she wants is me touching her but still i want to at least help.
His touch was as soft as ever and I couldn`t help myself bringing up memories of us. Happy memories. Our first kiss. Our first dance. First night together. The proposal.
I felt the engagement ring burn my chest under my top, where it lay in a little golden chain ever since he left.
I shook my head and swallowed hard. I rised my eyes and looked into his deeply. I saw love and pain at the same time. I wasn`t sure what it meant, but I wanted to be there, with him.
Not being able to take this I took a step closer to him. Now we were standing so close that our bodies were almost touching. I felt his warmth and my heart started beating so fast that I thought it would stop beating at all eventually.
Then I burried my face into the crook of his neck and let my sobbing fill the heavy air around us. I was still afraid. Afraid that he might push me away, that he might just leave.
it felt just like hold times. everytime we needed to be close we'd hug each other. her face in the crook of my neck and our arms around each other. except the sobs.
"i'm sorry." was all i could manage as my own tears came tumbling down. i'm sorry for what i put you through
I was there. No, we were there. We stood there, tightly in eachothers arms for what felt like an eternity. I wanted to stay like that forever, just be with him, close. Together.
But we weren`t. We weren`t together and I couldn`t do anything about it. I never could, not back then and I was sure that nothing would change now. However that little, shiny sparkle that grew inside my chest every second while I saw him, told me that maybe... Maybe it could be a new beginning.
I wasn`t quite sure if I was ready to try. To try to say how much I still loved him and that nothing would ever change that. How much I wanted to be with him. How much I wanted to hold him close every passing second of my life.
I pulled back a little, not breaking the embrace and rised my eyes to meet his. I had calmed down.
"Will you kiss me?" i whispered back, staring straight at his beautiful eyes. Shadows played on his skin and it made him look serious. I was so afraid of rejection, jet I still wanted to be in his arms so bad.
kiss her? does this mean she wants me back in her life? or is this goodbye for good?
i didn't knew what was next but i wanted to feel her real bad. i slowly lifted her chin. i clenched my jaw in determination as i searched her eyes, for what i wasn't sure.
i gave up soon. maybe the kiss itself will give me answers...
As his lips touched mine, I felt as if I was in heaven. I let myself melt in his arms, just like it had always been before.
So sweet. I had never forgotten how he tasted, never forgotten the feel of his lips on mine. I wanted it to last forever.
I slowly brushed my tongue over his lover lip, my eyes closed, our hands entwined with eachothers hair. I had wanted this for so long. In this exact moment nothing else mattered to me on this world. Only me and him. Us.
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I felt my heart starting to pound in my throat and my mind was racing; I couldn`t decide weather to run or to say something incoherent.
"..Orlando.." I repeated, not being able to form decent sentences. "I..uh.."
The only person I had wanted to forget for all this time, the person because of whom I left my home and friends, was here. The forgotten form now freshly born in my mind again, his brown, loving eyes gazing in mine. I was speachless.
The first thing that popped into my mind was that this was a dream, but then I pushed it away. I had just woken up, this couldn`t be a dream, no.
I felt shivers go down my spine and stepped back.
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"Holly, what are you doing here?"
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"I.. uh." I forced out and wasn`t quite sure what to say. I was scared and stepped back again, even further, even though my heart screamed to go closer and drown in his arms.
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"be careful! you could hurt yourself."
as soon as the words left my mouth, i felt a pang of guilt rush over. you leaving her had hurt her more than her falling down a few steps.
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He was holding me by my shoulders tight, half hugging me and I wasn`t sure if I wanted to hug him back.
As much as I longer for this hug, I just couldn`t bring myself up to it. The emotions very cooped up inside me for so long, but I wasn`t able to get them out. There was a reason, however. I wasn`t sure if I would willingly fall into a snake pit or not. I didn`t want to remember all of that pain again, I had barely just started to get over it, and live with it. All the therapy, all the sleepless hours. I had been through so much. And I wanted to tell him so bad about all the awful things, but not to rub it in his face, just to share. And maybe recieve understanding and a sholder to cry on.
But I couldn`t. I was terribly afraid and my walls were building by the second. Orlando was the closest person to me in the whole white world, I knew that I will love him till my death. But I couldn`t and I couldn`t believe the words that left my mouth were mine.
"Please, just... Don`t."
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"Holly, please." i pleaded with her.
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I did once. The time he told me that he had to leave, the time that he didn`t furfill my last wish - for him to kiss me. And then he left.
A tear rolled down my cheek and crashed against the ground. Then another one, and another one. It was getting hard to breathe and my knees felt weak.
I didn`t know where to hold on for support, I knew where I wanted to, but I couldn`t bring myself to do it.
"... it`s just.." I forced out between the streaming tears. But that was all. I couldn`t and a sob escaped my lips.
Reply
i looked at fragile form, trembling from sorrow. how i wish i could take her pain away. but i know the last thing she wants is me touching her but still i want to at least help.
i reach over and gently wipe away her tears.
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I felt the engagement ring burn my chest under my top, where it lay in a little golden chain ever since he left.
I shook my head and swallowed hard. I rised my eyes and looked into his deeply. I saw love and pain at the same time. I wasn`t sure what it meant, but I wanted to be there, with him.
Not being able to take this I took a step closer to him. Now we were standing so close that our bodies were almost touching. I felt his warmth and my heart started beating so fast that I thought it would stop beating at all eventually.
Then I burried my face into the crook of his neck and let my sobbing fill the heavy air around us. I was still afraid. Afraid that he might push me away, that he might just leave.
But I loved him too much.
I took my chance.
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"i'm sorry." was all i could manage as my own tears came tumbling down. i'm sorry for what i put you through
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But we weren`t. We weren`t together and I couldn`t do anything about it. I never could, not back then and I was sure that nothing would change now. However that little, shiny sparkle that grew inside my chest every second while I saw him, told me that maybe... Maybe it could be a new beginning.
I wasn`t quite sure if I was ready to try. To try to say how much I still loved him and that nothing would ever change that. How much I wanted to be with him. How much I wanted to hold him close every passing second of my life.
I pulled back a little, not breaking the embrace and rised my eyes to meet his. I had calmed down.
"You still have the same warmth in your eyes..."
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there was so much i wanted to say but didn't want to ruin the moment. afraid that this time SHE might leave me.
i caress her jaw with my thumb. "i've missed you so much." i whisper.
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"Will you kiss me?" i whispered back, staring straight at his beautiful eyes. Shadows played on his skin and it made him look serious. I was so afraid of rejection, jet I still wanted to be in his arms so bad.
Reply
i didn't knew what was next but i wanted to feel her real bad. i slowly lifted her chin. i clenched my jaw in determination as i searched her eyes, for what i wasn't sure.
i gave up soon. maybe the kiss itself will give me answers...
Reply
I let myself melt in his arms, just like it had always been before.
So sweet. I had never forgotten how he tasted, never forgotten the feel of his lips on mine. I wanted it to last forever.
I slowly brushed my tongue over his lover lip, my eyes closed, our hands entwined with eachothers hair.
I had wanted this for so long. In this exact moment nothing else mattered to me on this world. Only me and him. Us.
Reply
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