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THIS ROUND IS NOW CLOSED.
ROUND ONE
closing at 3000 comments
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PROMPT FORMATTING:
Alphabetize pairings. They will be archived that way!
Put [RPF] before RPF prompts.
Put [Crossover] before crossover prompts.
Please use this format: Steve/Tony, Tony needs help adjusting his arc reactor ; Clint/Coulson, AU ( Read more... )
“Stupid gloves. Friggin’ hard to type,” Tony muttered through gritted teeth. “There.”
Steve was growing impatient with Tony, as usual. Honestly, he couldn’t tell where Tony’s mind was half the time. “A little help, Stark?” He gestured at the remaining line of banged up prisoners. Tony just stared, unimpressed. Steve effortlessly tossed another beekeeper on to the transport.
He jabbed a thumb at a gaggle of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents. “Isn’t that what they’re here for? We take of business and they do the clean up?” He replied, winking at Maria Hill who rolled her eyes. He looked back at Steve. “Besides, we have plans.”
“Plans?” Before Steve could continue a second quinjet landed on the street and Natasha, Thor, and Bruce trotted down to meet them. A few moments later Clint emerged from the shadows, brandishing his phone with a smirk.
“Nice,” he said. Steve squinted at the screen which read “AVENGERS ASSEMBLE.”
Natasha arched a brow. “So, what’s the emergency?”
“Drinks,” replied Tony matter of factly.
“Yes! Mead! Vast quantities of mead!” boomed a very jovial Thor as he threw his arms around Bruce and Steve. If anyone had doubts, they obviously didn’t like the idea of arguing with the Asgardian.
“Let me get rid of this…” Tony trailed off as he became involved in the internal workings of his suit. It suddenly began deconstructing itself around him until it looked like a small coffin and took off into the night leaving Tony in his usual business casual attire. “Where are we going?”
“Well, the nearest place is down just a couple blocks, but it’s--” Clint began.
Tony interrupted. “Perfect! Shall we?”
The bar had no name but it was obviously very popular. Throngs of people were milling around outside, the majority of them enthralled in animated conversation. The rest were on their cellphones. Nearly everyone was smoking. Tony strutted straight in, waving a hand to dismiss the man checking I.D.s. Natasha and Clint exchanged a barely noticeable look of amusement as they followed him in.
“I.D.” The bouncer had recovered from his temporary Stark shock and had blocked the door. Steve knew he didn’t have any identification on him. In fact, the pouches on his belt were totally empty which made him feel very silly all of a sudden. He looked at Bruce who shook his head.
“We have no quarrel with you, Dee. We wish to join our friends in celebration,” Thor replied lightheartedly.
The man was unamused. “Uh-huh. I need to see your I.D.s.”
“Come on,” Bruce said in a very calm tone. “Do we look like we’re sixteen?”
“No I.D.s, no entry.” The bouncer was trying to look big and ominous, but he was failing to loom over Thor by a good five inches.
Steve huffed in frustration. “Son, look--”
Apparently, the bouncer did not like his tone. “Gentlemen, I’m going to have to ask you to leave before I have you physically removed.” Thor gave a hearty laugh which seemed to startle and unnerve the bouncer.
Luckily, before they could come to blows, Tony popped his head out the door and motioned them in with an impatient hand. “I just opened a tab. Get in here.”
“Excuse us,” Steve said to the bouncer as Thor pushed past him. Bruce gave him a thin lipped, sheepish smile.
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“To a job well done, as usual,” Tony offered with his glass raised. They all raised their glasses as well, Thor slopping purple liquid all down his arm, and took long sips. It actually wasn’t as bad as Steve had anticipated, though it did taste like licking a grape while eating five sugar cubes all at once. Natasha made an awful face and immediately took a large swig of Clint’s drink.
Tony smiled, proud of himself. He surveyed the bar like it was his kingdom.
Suddenly, his face fell. “Oh no.”
“What?” Steve asked. Clint and Natasha were obviously stifling giggles.
“No, no, no, no, no,” Tony continued. He wended his way through the crowd toward a large archway that lead into a room with bright flashing lights and thudding noises that sounded like the contemporary “music” Steve had heard on the radio. He followed Tony along with everyone else. Tony scanned the undulating crowd. It was predominantly men. Men dancing with other men. Men being very lewd with other men. Steve’s eyes grew wide and he struggled not to let his mouth hang open.
“Son of a bitch. This is a gay bar.” Tony rounded on Clint. “You knew this was a gay bar.”
Clint held his hands up defensively, still laughing.
“You knew. And you knew too,” he added looking at Natasha. “You bastards. Wait, why did the bartender call you Louis?”
“Seriously?” Clint responded in disbelief. “I’m going to go to a bar and give people my real name?”
“This is legal?” Steve asked, frozen in place. He was still trying to process the scene around him.
Bruce put a hand on his shoulder. “Yeah. It has been for a while. My friends and I used to go to places like this. The girls didn’t get harassed by dumb jocks and we didn’t get beat up for defending them. And the drinks were always mixed better.” Steve nodded but he was barely listening.
“Culture shock. See? See what you did? The Captain’s in shock,” Tony continued to chastise Clint.
“No. It’s great,” Steve said. Never in his wildest dreams had he ever thought a place like this could exist. He was smiling broadly. Natasha, Clint, and Bruce smiled back. Tony look dumbfounded.
Natasha sighed at Tony. “Oh, relax. You’ve opened a tab, might as well stay for the drag show. Besides, so far how many guys have hit on you?”
“Well, none,” he replied sounding almost disappointed. “Fine. Clint and I are getting more drinks. The rest of you find a table. And where’s Thor?” Everyone shrugged. “Oh God, he’s loose.”
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“I have been telling these women of our glorious battle and they accused me of spinning falsehoods. Maidens, these are my valiant friends.” Thor beamed down at them.
“Ivana Kutchakockoff,” the pseudo-geisha offered with a slight wave and a smile.
“Eva Destruction,” the other said flatly. “So, were you guys really down there today with the laser cannon and everything?”
“Yes, ma’am,” Steve responded.
Eva lasciviously looked him up and down. “What’s with the outfit?”
“What’s with yours? Shouldn’t you be getting back to Bartertown?” Tony shot back belligerently. She sneered and held up a hand in exasperation.
“We better get going,” Ivana interrupted before Eva could say anything. “See you later big guy.”
“Farewell,” Thor responded as he sank in to a chair.
Tony leaned across the table. “Thor. Those aren’t women.”
Thor looked puzzled, then glanced back at Ivana and Eva and nodded slightly. “That would explain many things,” he said pensively. “I like them.”
Tony smacked his own face. “Am I the only one who’s miserable here?”
“Yes,” replied Clint.
Eight rounds of drinks and one phenomenally long drag show later, everyone but Steve was sloshed. One of the performers had slipped a feather boa around Tony’s neck. That plus the boon of alcohol had finally warmed him up to the place. Ivana and Eva were back at the table and Thor was regaling everyone with stories from Asgard. Steve slipped away to the bathroom, somewhat glum that he couldn’t join in with the rest of the team’s drunkenness. Maybe it was for the best. After all, someone had to be able to cover if Nick Fury called. Unfortunately, Steve wasn’t a very good liar. He slumped against the wall as he waited in line.
“Hey,” said a young man wearing tight pants, a thick layer of body glitter, and not much else. It took Steve a second to realize the man was talking to him.
“Hi,” he responded curtly with a smile.
The man stepped in closer. “I’m William. I like your outfit. Are you in a band?”
“Um, not exactly.” Steve was nervous and it was more than a little apparent in his voice. William waited for him to explain, but Steve was having a hard time thinking of what to say, especially with him standing so close. Steve shrank back as close to the wall as physically possible and looked at his boots. “It’s like a…a uniform,” he finally got out.
“Oh,” William said, obviously disappointed. “Well, nice to meet you.” He was gone before Steve could reply.
Steve stumbled into a stall in the restroom and locked the door. Obviously things were not done subtly around here. In the old days you had to be a good deal more than subtle. Everyone here was just so…flamboyant. He frowned at the sign on the wall that read “Absolutely NO sex in the bathroom.” It was all a bit much to take in. He sighed. Oh well. Tonight might be kind of a wash as far as fun was concerned, but at least he was learning more and more about all the changes that had happened in the last seventy years.
As he eased open the stall door in defeat, he was startled to find Clint standing right there, shaking his head.
“You need some help. Come on.” Clint grabbed him by the elbow and made his way out the door.
“But I didn’t wash my hands!” Steve protested as he was dragged passed the sinks.
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“Look like what?” Steve asked, indignant. Clint plunked him down on a plush couch. They were in a much quieter part of the building that had multiple alcoves with empty couches.
“Six imposing feet of chiseled government-inspected meat,” responded Clint. Steve furrowed his brow in confusion. “I know I’m not reading you wrong. Am I reading you wrong?” Clint rubbed his eye, undeniably three sheets to the wind. “No. No I’m not. Anyway, you need to get your act together, Captain.”
Steve snorted. “What? Are you going to coach me?” This was going to be ridiculous.
“Yeah. You need all the help you can get.” Clint made a show of warming up by stretching and jumping in place. He wobbled a bit. “Stand up and I’m going to pretend to be a random guy and talk to you. ‘Kay?” Clint said over his shoulder as he walked toward the center of the room.
Steve stood up at attention. He was actually kind of nervous. He didn’t want to look like a wimp in front of Barton.
“No, not like--just be casual,” Clint directed him. “Lean on the wall or something.” Steve did as he was told and busied himself with cleaning his fingernails. Clint ambled around, mimicking holding a glass and slowly made his way over to Steve and said, “Hey.”
“Is that how every conversation is started?”
Clint was mildly annoyed. “Yes, now play along.”
“Hi.”
“Can I buy you a drink?” Clint gestured as if to hail a bartender.
Steve smiled. “Um, sure.”
“Don’t say ‘um’ too much. A few are endearing. Too many make you sound like a meathead,” Clint commented under his breath. Steve nodded. Clint held out an invisible drink to him and shook it a little when Steve was reluctant to take it. He felt a little foolish.
“Thanks. I’m Steve,” he said and started to stick out his hand, but Clint shook his head slightly.
“Clint. So, you come here often? I don’t think I’ve seen you before.”
“Uh, no. This is my first time.” Steve stared into his invisible glass. “I’m here with some friends, but they’re all pretty drunk. And I‘m not.”
“What a bunch of dicks,” Clint replied with a smirk. He leaned against the wall close enough that their arms almost touched. “Now, at this point a few different things might happen. One of us suggests that we go dance, but I’m not sure how you feel about that.” Steve shook his head. “Okay, well, if you want to try to start a real getting-to-know-you conversation about what you both do or that sort of thing you can go for it. There is a good chance that whoever you’re talking to just wants to have a good time, physically, and will leave.”
Steve frowned. “That’s rude.”
“That’s what happens, though.” Clint shrugged lazily and took a sip of his non-existent drink. “Or, you can start with some light contact,” he put a hand on Steve’s arm and stepped in to talk softly in his ear. “See how the other person feels about it and then either back off or go for it. It doesn’t matter if you’re in the middle of a crowd or in a secluded spot. But I really can’t see you doing that.”
“Have you done this sort of thing for your job?” Steve asked, riveted. Clint leaned against Steve lightly. He smelled like sweat and cheap whiskey. It was actually kind of pleasant.
“Yeah, a few times,” he replied.
“So, what do you say now?”
“Depends. Right now I‘d probably say something like,” he moved his hand to Steve’s waist and tilted his head so his lips brushed Steve’s ear. “I want you to fuck me until I can’t move.” Steve swallowed hard. He felt sort of tingly in a weird way. Clint pulled back, looking at him with heavily lidded eyes. Steve licked his lips and leaned in slowly.
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“Well, you missed Tony dancing to a house remix of ‘Single Ladies’,” Natasha said to Clint with a grin, clearly ignoring the whole situation.
Tony made a beeline for Steve and threw his arm around his shoulders. Steve got a mouthful of pink feathers and silver tinsel from Tony’s boa. “What has he done to you?” Clint rolled his eyes. “He’s bad man. He’s all helpful and nice, and then he takes advantage of you in your car while you’re stopped in a crowded parking lot.”
“I remember that night differently,” Clint interjected.
Tony shot him a disgruntled look over his sunglasses. “He’s a bad man,” he repeated. Suddenly his phone rang, ruining his train of thought. Tony made a face at the screen and shoved it back in his pocket. “Fury. Why can’t that guy just leave us alone? Hey,” he paused befuddled. “When did we lose Banner?”
“He’s trying to get Thor away from those drag queens and I bet he’ll need backup,” Natasha said. “I hope he’s not getting angry.”
Tony started giggling. “Hulk in a gaybar!” he choked out. Steve bewilderedly secured his arm around Tony’s waist and hoisted him enough that he could drag him along. He felt absolutely exhausted as he hauled Tony along behind Clint and Natasha. He kept glancing up at Clint and caught him looking back once. Now what? Steve was completely confused. Is this what people did now? Get drunk and make passes at their co-workers?
Clint tried to say something to Steve at one point, but Tony swung around from Steve’s other side and shooed him away like a drunken mother hen.
Bruce and Thor were sitting at the bar, no sign of Ivana or Eva, both doubled over in laughter.
“Let’s get out of here,” Tony shouted to them over the music. “I caught Clint being lewd to the Captain.”
“Surely the work of my brother. I spied him on the dance floor earlier,” Thor said absolutely certain.
“I am 85% sure that was a drag queen,” responded Bruce.
Tony threw an arm in the air and hollered, “Barkeep!” To Steve’s surprise the bartender heard him over the din and set about ringing up their purchases. Meanwhile, Bruce was teetering and stumbling forward as he got up. Thor burst out laughing again and easily slung him over his shoulder.
Natasha pouted at Clint. “Now I feel left out.” He rolled his eyes, but turned his back to her and held out his arms. She smiled and nimbly hopped on.
“A $452 tab in three hours? Wow,” Tony said, thoroughly impressed as he wrote a barely legible signature on the receipt. Atop her perch, Natasha pointed toward the door, jabbed Clint with her heels, and he took off following her direction. Thor and Steve pursued them.
Being outside was wonderful. Steve felt like he could breathe again. Now he was going to have to worry about not being awkward around Clint and hope Tony wouldn’t remember anything. He sighed. Tony and Bruce were somehow managing to talk about atomic physics despite their severe inebriation.
“Well now what?” Steve asked as they all meandered down the street.
Behind them a car door slammed.
Bruce looked up and froze. “Uh, guys?” Steve, Clint, and Thor hesitantly turned around., their passengers in tow.
“What in the name of Sam Hill is going on here?” Nick Fury bellowed at them.
Oh. Great.
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(More Clint/Steve? *Puppy dog eyes*)
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I'll see what I can get done in the way of more Clint/Steve.
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Is it bad that this is my favorite line out of the entire thing? Other than the last two.
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