neither of us can see.
I have such a foolish heart, but I can't help myself.
I can't be certain, but the way I can discern love from like is when I know I cannot live without the other person in my life. And there is only one person apart from my family that I feel that way about, and as much as I've denied it or wished it away I know it is love. And it hurts.
I hate when people say that you need to move on from certain people in your lives when they used to say something entirely different, and then come back to saying how much they like him for me. I just stopped listening to people trying to give me advice, because they have no idea how it is, he doesn't even have any idea, and at times neither do I.
I feel so helpless at times, and it gets so hard for me to put on a smile when I'm really aching inside or when the stabs of jealousy pierce my heart and flip my stomach that rolls with acid making me sick and I can't fight the hot tears threatening to spill. You say you can read me like a book in those moments, but can you really? And if you can, then why are you trying to tear out the pages? If you can really see me struggling to keep my composure and know why, then why don't you just STOP HURTING ME because it's you! Or didn't you know? I thought you knew everything.
I love YOU, stop trying to push me onto other people and claiming feelings that aren't there for me, stop telling me I don't know what love is, because if this isn't it then why the fuck does it hurt so much and how come I can take so much and still care for you despite it ALL. It must be love.
I can do nothing but smile sadly and tell people no when they ask me if we're together, bite my tongue when they ask why we aren't, and meekly reply that we were and give the barest explanation of what happened between us. That almost killed me the other day, when my roommate said we were meant for each other, and that we should be together and Laura telling me we were going to get married. It felt a little nice not denying I loved you in front of them, though I was a little scared about letting the latter know.
I watched Grey's Anatomy last night for the first time and something she said keeps coming to mind, about how whoever said what we don't know can't hurt us is dead wrong because not knowing is worse. I can't read you at all and it kills me. I have feelings at times, hopes, fears, but in the end I can't ever be sure and it tears me apart.
This is all really unhealthy.
I can't be certain, but the way I can discern love from like is when I know I cannot live without the other person in my life. And there is only one person apart from my family that I feel that way about, and as much as I've denied it or wished it away I know it is love. And it hurts.
I hate when people say that you need to move on from certain people in your lives when they used to say something entirely different, and then come back to saying how much they like him for me. I just stopped listening to people trying to give me advice, because they have no idea how it is, he doesn't even have any idea, and at times neither do I.
I feel so helpless at times, and it gets so hard for me to put on a smile when I'm really aching inside or when the stabs of jealousy pierce my heart and flip my stomach that rolls with acid making me sick and I can't fight the hot tears threatening to spill. You say you can read me like a book in those moments, but can you really? And if you can, then why are you trying to tear out the pages? If you can really see me struggling to keep my composure and know why, then why don't you just STOP HURTING ME because it's you! Or didn't you know? I thought you knew everything.
I love YOU, stop trying to push me onto other people and claiming feelings that aren't there for me, stop telling me I don't know what love is, because if this isn't it then why the fuck does it hurt so much and how come I can take so much and still care for you despite it ALL. It must be love.
I can do nothing but smile sadly and tell people no when they ask me if we're together, bite my tongue when they ask why we aren't, and meekly reply that we were and give the barest explanation of what happened between us. That almost killed me the other day, when my roommate said we were meant for each other, and that we should be together and Laura telling me we were going to get married. It felt a little nice not denying I loved you in front of them, though I was a little scared about letting the latter know.
I watched Grey's Anatomy last night for the first time and something she said keeps coming to mind, about how whoever said what we don't know can't hurt us is dead wrong because not knowing is worse. I can't read you at all and it kills me. I have feelings at times, hopes, fears, but in the end I can't ever be sure and it tears me apart.
This is all really unhealthy.