My Thoughts On Love
Out of all the things I said I wanted out of life nothing comes to mind more than a love which is undenyablely passion filled. I've always been this hopeful girl about love and what it was supposed to be like. Even through all of the heartache and disappointment I still had this image of what real love was going to be like. This image of love has never left my head and always filled me with a strange kind of hope that maybe one day I'll find something like that. I'll have this "perfect" love. A love which is so incredible passionate and real that it can't be ignored, that it can't be denied, that it makes your whole world spin in a million different directions and leaves you upside down in the midst of it all. That type of love as always been in the back of my mind and its always left me believing that maybe if I keep on believing enough that its really going to happen to me. I always believed in soulmates but last year my view of them changed. I never stopped believing that I had one and that having one meant that I had someone who knew me and someone who would love me regardless of our history, our future and the present. Having a soulmate stopped meaning that it was the one person I was going to end up with. I stopped having the foolish notion that I was going to end up with the only man who's ever been able to look into my face and know the truth behind any smile. Its true that alittle part of me died when that belief left my head and heart. Knowing that soulmates doesn't mean you'll be together forever hasn't effected my view of love. I still believe that real love is going to be passionate, that its going to make you feel alive. Nothing has ever swayed that belief...not even hurt and heartache or loss.
You know when you have found something and it scares you. Not because there is a chance that it wouldn't work or that they could hurt you in any way...but because it makes you feel a way you've never felt in your entire life. Made you look at life in a whole new way. Like you just woke up from a dream and for the first time you're seeing life as it could be and is rather than seeing life as it should be and dreaming your days away. You for the first time in your life feel like all the moments that lead you here are finally for a purpose. All the good and bad moments have lead you to the here and now. For the first time your confused but not simply about whats going to happen next or what move you should make but you're confused on how you could have possibly lived your life before now without feeling this way. That you've been living in a fog and finally its clearing up and for the first time you see everything clearly. You feel like you just woke up and still you wonder how could you have possibly lived your entire life without feeling this alive. Again your scared because if now you've found the something you've seemed to have been missing how is this going to change your life. You know that once you've found this that nothing is ever going to be same and from this moment on your entire view of life, love and your dreams will be forever changed.
Now there comes a moment where you can either accept this and move on with your life with this new found view or you can try and reject it. Letting it eat at you until you realise that you need the something you found but pushed away. At that moment is the one in which its gone. You lost the chance, the moment passed you by. But in that instant that you choose all fear drifts away and your left fearless to face whats placed in front of you. You look into the eyes of the man who made you feel life like you never had before and everything that you were afraid of disappears. You're faith in love and the belief that real love exists for those who still have faith remains intact. For once you have no doubts, no fear that this is only another step until you find that real love. You are finally awake and at that moment you never could imagine going back into that fog. Everything makes sense like it never could have before. Your life, your choices, everything seems to have lead you up to this moment, this feeling, this indescribable sense that your finally free.
You have never imagined that this would really happen to you. That your dream of what life and love was supposed to feel like would really be real. You feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and that your smile is finally as real as its going to get. Your soul has been exposed in an instant and you're not afraid. Your ecstatic, happy, carefree, and at the same time you feel no need to hide, and you're finally free to show the you you've kept hidden within that fog. Which kept you doubting yourself, and all of your abilities. Life has always been worth living but at one single moment you are given a reason, a pure feeling to make all of it seem even more worth it. You have this pure sense that nothing can be faked anymore. Not with this man, not with yourself. Each touch fills you with more life and to the point were you feel as though your going to burst. Its like you're living a dream. Nothing goes wrong and everything is perfect. The first kiss fills your entire being with the emotion you only dreams of until this moment. You're body tingles, your heads spinning, and for the first time ever in your life you feel as though this is right. That its meant to happen this way and you can't shake it. Each passing moment after that kiss you're reminded of how much it felt right and real and filled with the passion you so desired. From that single moment on you're life will never be the same. You've finally caught that dream which was hovering in front of your face but you couldn't reach until then. The idea of a real, passion filled, pure love was a butterfly which floated just out of your reach always taunting you but never came close enough to touch. At that single moment which knocked you off your feet the butterfly landed on your hand and presented you with this amazing love you've always dreamed about. From that moment you are truely alive.
That's what being in love is like to me. I've struggled for years trying to figure it out and put it down on paper without any luck. I finally know what love is like and what life is like when you love and are loved. Before every feeling of love I felt was merely a introduction, a imatiation of real love which gave me a thirst for it. I've spent my entire life wanting love and needing it so badly. Now with one moment clearly out of the blue and totally unexpected it found me. It walked past my door and took a second glance and from that moment never looked back. Never looked back and never wanted to go back. I know despite how happy you may be now you dream of going back but now I don't have to dream of going back. I have a bright enough future with a man who fills me with such a feeling of life. I've never felt this loved,wanted, and needed. I've always longed for this feeling. The want has kept me up countless nights dreaming of what it would be like to finally feel something this real.
Watching the last epsiode of dawsons creek last spring really changed my view on soulmate. I truely believe that your soulmate isn't the person you end up with. You're soul mate simply is the one who you know will stand by you no matter what you're going through and even if you push them away they'll still be there. I believe that everyone in their life has a soulmate and the one their supposed to be with. I believe in that whole heartedly. I believe that everyone has a "pacey" someone who will make them feel a way they've only dreamed of. Maybe that person's been there you're entire life but you haven't noticed or maybe they entire your life when the moment is right but they're out there...Waiting for the perfect moment. Once it happens you'll never be able to look back or even go back but you won't want to either. I believe I've finally found someone who is like that for me. I knew the moment I first saw him in my heart that he was going to change my life in a way I never saw coming. He's the one I'm supposed to be with. I know this is alittle quick to come to that conclusion but you can't deny what your hearts telling you. My heart knows that this is it. This is the love I've been waiting for and that thought couldn't make me happier. I finally feel free and alive.
You know when you have found something and it scares you. Not because there is a chance that it wouldn't work or that they could hurt you in any way...but because it makes you feel a way you've never felt in your entire life. Made you look at life in a whole new way. Like you just woke up from a dream and for the first time you're seeing life as it could be and is rather than seeing life as it should be and dreaming your days away. You for the first time in your life feel like all the moments that lead you here are finally for a purpose. All the good and bad moments have lead you to the here and now. For the first time your confused but not simply about whats going to happen next or what move you should make but you're confused on how you could have possibly lived your life before now without feeling this way. That you've been living in a fog and finally its clearing up and for the first time you see everything clearly. You feel like you just woke up and still you wonder how could you have possibly lived your entire life without feeling this alive. Again your scared because if now you've found the something you've seemed to have been missing how is this going to change your life. You know that once you've found this that nothing is ever going to be same and from this moment on your entire view of life, love and your dreams will be forever changed.
Now there comes a moment where you can either accept this and move on with your life with this new found view or you can try and reject it. Letting it eat at you until you realise that you need the something you found but pushed away. At that moment is the one in which its gone. You lost the chance, the moment passed you by. But in that instant that you choose all fear drifts away and your left fearless to face whats placed in front of you. You look into the eyes of the man who made you feel life like you never had before and everything that you were afraid of disappears. You're faith in love and the belief that real love exists for those who still have faith remains intact. For once you have no doubts, no fear that this is only another step until you find that real love. You are finally awake and at that moment you never could imagine going back into that fog. Everything makes sense like it never could have before. Your life, your choices, everything seems to have lead you up to this moment, this feeling, this indescribable sense that your finally free.
You have never imagined that this would really happen to you. That your dream of what life and love was supposed to feel like would really be real. You feel like the weight of the world has been lifted and that your smile is finally as real as its going to get. Your soul has been exposed in an instant and you're not afraid. Your ecstatic, happy, carefree, and at the same time you feel no need to hide, and you're finally free to show the you you've kept hidden within that fog. Which kept you doubting yourself, and all of your abilities. Life has always been worth living but at one single moment you are given a reason, a pure feeling to make all of it seem even more worth it. You have this pure sense that nothing can be faked anymore. Not with this man, not with yourself. Each touch fills you with more life and to the point were you feel as though your going to burst. Its like you're living a dream. Nothing goes wrong and everything is perfect. The first kiss fills your entire being with the emotion you only dreams of until this moment. You're body tingles, your heads spinning, and for the first time ever in your life you feel as though this is right. That its meant to happen this way and you can't shake it. Each passing moment after that kiss you're reminded of how much it felt right and real and filled with the passion you so desired. From that single moment on you're life will never be the same. You've finally caught that dream which was hovering in front of your face but you couldn't reach until then. The idea of a real, passion filled, pure love was a butterfly which floated just out of your reach always taunting you but never came close enough to touch. At that single moment which knocked you off your feet the butterfly landed on your hand and presented you with this amazing love you've always dreamed about. From that moment you are truely alive.
That's what being in love is like to me. I've struggled for years trying to figure it out and put it down on paper without any luck. I finally know what love is like and what life is like when you love and are loved. Before every feeling of love I felt was merely a introduction, a imatiation of real love which gave me a thirst for it. I've spent my entire life wanting love and needing it so badly. Now with one moment clearly out of the blue and totally unexpected it found me. It walked past my door and took a second glance and from that moment never looked back. Never looked back and never wanted to go back. I know despite how happy you may be now you dream of going back but now I don't have to dream of going back. I have a bright enough future with a man who fills me with such a feeling of life. I've never felt this loved,wanted, and needed. I've always longed for this feeling. The want has kept me up countless nights dreaming of what it would be like to finally feel something this real.
Watching the last epsiode of dawsons creek last spring really changed my view on soulmate. I truely believe that your soulmate isn't the person you end up with. You're soul mate simply is the one who you know will stand by you no matter what you're going through and even if you push them away they'll still be there. I believe that everyone in their life has a soulmate and the one their supposed to be with. I believe in that whole heartedly. I believe that everyone has a "pacey" someone who will make them feel a way they've only dreamed of. Maybe that person's been there you're entire life but you haven't noticed or maybe they entire your life when the moment is right but they're out there...Waiting for the perfect moment. Once it happens you'll never be able to look back or even go back but you won't want to either. I believe I've finally found someone who is like that for me. I knew the moment I first saw him in my heart that he was going to change my life in a way I never saw coming. He's the one I'm supposed to be with. I know this is alittle quick to come to that conclusion but you can't deny what your hearts telling you. My heart knows that this is it. This is the love I've been waiting for and that thought couldn't make me happier. I finally feel free and alive.