Mirror the Sun Part 3

[schwarztkd]

Chapter 6: Dinner with the Family

The next time Azula woke, she rolled over to see Ursa seated by the wall, shadows playing on the planes of her face. A single candle burned on a table next to her, beside a pitcher and a cup.

Azula's dizziness had subsided and she was no longer wracked by chills. She sat up and pressed the back of her hand to her forehead. Warm, but not burning.

“I'm sorry if I'm intruding,” Ursa said.

“You're fine.” Azula swallowed with difficulty. “Can I have some water?”

Ursa stood and poured some water into the cup, brought it to her and watched as she drank “Feeling better?” she asked when Azula handed it back.

“A bit. Could you open the window?”

Her mother went to the window, her robes swishing thick and red as she moved, and pushed aside the heavy curtains. The newly risen moon hung in the sky, a thick crescent. In its light she felt a little calmer.

“Have you been here long?” she asked.

“I've been in and out since this morning, along with Katara.”

Azula blinked in confusion. “This morning..what?”

“You've been in bed since yesterday afternoon, and it's now almost sunset. I was actually about to join the others for dinner. Are you hungry? I can have some food brought to you.”

“No,” She slid out bed and stood on shaky feet. “I'd like to come eat with you.”

“Are you sure?” Ursa asked.

“Yes,” Azula snapped, then said more gently, “I feel better, really.”

“All right.” Ursa hesitated, then stepped forward and wrapped her arms around her daughter. “I'm so glad to have you home.”

Azula put her arms around her mother's waist and rested her head on Ursa's shoulder. Maybe if she kept playing the part, the feelings would come.

Ursa let go first, smiling. “I'll send someone in to help you with your clothes and hair, and I'll see you at dinner.” The scent of her honey soap and orchid perfume lingered in the air where she had stood long after she closed the door behind her.

A few minutes later, a girl knocked and asked permission to enter, which Azula granted. She caught the widening of the servant's brown eyes before she hung her head and bowed, then hurried over to the wardrobe to pick out another outfit. Some confusion followed as Azula's old robes had not been altered since her youth and were all much too short. A seamstress was summoned, and hurriedly she let out the hem of one, the maid hovering in the background all the while looking terrified, though of what, Azula didn't know. Once she was dressed, the maid started on her hair, but had to redo the topknot three times because she was so hesitant about touching it that she didn't pull it tight enough.

Halfway through, Katara knocked on the door. “Azula? Everything all right?”

Barely suppressing her irritation at the whole thing, Azula answered. “Yes, we're almost done. Come in.”

Katara did so, but only took a step or two into the room before coming to a halt. The servant finished and stepped aside, and Azula rose, then frowned at Katara's look of surprise. “What is it?”

“Nothing, it's nothing.” She didn't sound very convincing. “Ready to go?”

Azula nodded, then spotted movement out of the corner of her eye and turned to see a huge floor to ceiling mirror at the other end of her room. Katara's reflection stood there with hands clasped, dressed in a silk robe dyed a light shade of blue with a darker hued belt, her hair done in the traditional Fire Nation topknot except for her customary loops and the ever-present necklace. The woman next to her in the too-short red silk robe was not tall or broad, but something about the way she held her head was imposing all the same. The hair tended to draw the eye, but if one ignored that part, then it was unmistakable.

She looked just like Ursa.

“Azula?”

She turned to Katara and forced a smile. “Let's go. I'm ready.”

As they walked, part of her gaped at the huge corridors with their red walls, silent guards in masks and helmets, and rows of torches, feeling out of place and foreign, The other half of her felt in her element, right where she belonged, and the two sides dueled within her.

She glanced at the other woman then, with her odd mishmash of foreign and native styles, noting how comfortable she seemed. “So...I thought Aang was going to meet you at your village.”

Katara lit up at the mention of Aang. “He decided to surprise me.”

“This means you have to leave, doesn't it?”

The grin disappeared and Katara replied softly, “I've been away a long time, much longer than I planned. I need to go home.”

They reached the door to the dining room. Inside, Ursa, Aang and a woman wearing a gold flame hairpiece in her shiny hair were already seated at one end of a long table. Azula recalled that there had been another woman in the throne room but her face had been hidden by shadows. This must be her. Azula's insides felt like they were tying into knots, but she couldn't figure out why or remember the woman's name.

“Where's Zuko?” she blurted out.

The woman with the gold flame raised an eyebrow. “He's in a meeting. He'll eat later. Wasn't it the same for your father?”

Ursa cleared her throat, Katara winced, and Aang looked back and forth between the woman with the flame crown and Azula as if anticipating a violent reaction. But Azula was preoccupied with another flash of memory--herself as a child sitting at a long empty table with her brother and mother, alone at dinner again.

But before she could say anything, Katara spoke up. “Azula has amnesia. She doesn't remember her father.”

Azula turned on her. “That's the second time you've done that. I would like to speak for myself if you don't mind.”

The entire table went dead silent. Katara and Ursa wore mirrored looks of surprise and bewilderment, Aang watched her warily, and though the unknown woman's face was placid, there was something in her eyes that  Azula didn't like. It seemed almost smug.

She put on her sweetest smile and took the seat next to her mother. “Forgive me. That came out harsher than I intended. I'm looking forward to dinner. What are we having?”

“Komodo chicken stir-fried with chili peppers,” Ursa told her.

“Sounds wonderful.” A maid came in and poured her tea. Azula busied herself with sipping it.

“I received a message from Ty Lee,” said the woman with the crown, still looking her way.

Though Azula didn't recognize the name, another inexplicable twist deep inside her made her feel nauseated. She forced herself to take another swallow of tea while her mother replied, “Oh? How is she?”

At Ursa's voice, the woman softened a bit. “She's doing well. I told her that Azula had been released from the hospital, but I didn't say why, or where she went.” Addressing Azula again, she said, “She wants to see you.”

Katara glanced at Azula, then said, “I don't know if that's such a good idea.”

“Why not?” she asked. That subtle smug look was back. “Ty Lee could help her get her memory back. Isn't that what we want? To make Azula all better?”

“Mai, please,” Ursa  pleaded.

So that was her name. Hearing it made Azula angry, like her mind was associating it with something painful-but when she tried to seize upon what, the knowledge danced away from her conscious mind. She kept a straight face; she would not allow Mai to provoke her.

At Ursa's words, Mai's gaze left Azula and focused briefly on her before dropping. “I'm sorry, Ursa.” She sounded and looked genuinely contrite. It seemed out of place on her, like emotion was something she was not used to showing.

Azula straightened, grinned broadly at all of them, especially Mai, and touched her mother's hand. “I would be happy to see her.”

Ursa showered her with a grateful smile, but Katara looked troubled. “Are you sure?” she asked.

“My memories have to come back sometime.” And maybe my bending with it.

Further conversation was halted by the arrival of the food. As servants laid out silver platters of chicken and greens and china bowls of rice, Ursa turned to Katara and Aang and asked. “When are you two leaving?”

It was Aang who answered, “Tomorrow. We need to get back to the South Pole.”

Katara had already said she was leaving, but that soon? Mai's dagger-looks and the Avatar's guarded curiosity no longer were a challenge to rise to; now they were more like a weight around her neck. She just wanted to go to bed.

Azula ate in silence as the others shared small talk around her. Towards the end of the meal she noticed that her mother was becoming more pale and withdrawn. When Ursa's eyes started drooping, Katara touched her shoulder. “Why don't you go to bed, Lady Ursa?”

“It's still early yet,” she protested weakly.

“We'll see you in the morning,” said Mai, her gentle tone rubbing Azula the wrong way.

“I'd like to come with you,” Katara murmured. “If that's okay.”

Ursa nodded and they all stood. She hugged Aang, who returned it with genuine affection, then Mai, whose expression changed from calm to worried and loving before changing back again as she released her and turned to Azula. This time Azula returned her embrace, meeting Mai's gaze again as she let go. Suspicion burned slow like embers deep within the Fire Lady's pale gold eyes. Suspicion and anger. If you hurt my loved ones, those eyes said, I will kill you.

Whatever Azula had done to piss Mai off, it must have been bad.

She turned from the Fire Lady only to see Katara in Aang's arms, running her fingers over his arrow, soft smiles on both their faces. Awww, said some part of her, and the rest of her retaliated with fury. No! Not 'awww'! He's taking her away! And then I'll be alone!

Oblivious to her daughter's secret anguish, Ursa was beaming. “It is so nice to have everyone here. Good night, I'll see you all at breakfast.” She left to a chorus of “good nights”, Katara following close behind.

Azula continued to play nice as dessert was served but two bites into her fruit tart she just couldn't muster up the energy to pretend anymore. “I think I'm ready for bed.”

“Good night,” Mai said, clipped and cool. Aang just nodded, but she could feel his eyes on her as she walked out of the room.

A few steps down the corridor, she heard another male voice coming from the dining room.  “Sorry I'm late. Where are Mom and Katara?” That must be Zuko.

Mai replied, “Ursa wasn't feeling well, so Katara took her back to her room.” Her next words made Azula halt abruptly. “Your sister was here. I'm sure you're sorry you missed her.”

“Oh yeah,” said her brother. “Really sorry.” Laughter followed this statement. Cheeks burning, Azula moved away at a fast pace.

Before reaching her room, she spotted a door open a crack from which Katara's voice drifted out. She stopped to listen without even thinking about it, like it was something she had done on a regular basis for years.

“Ursa, will you please let me check you? You were sick when I left and it doesn't seem like you've gotten any better since.”

“It's just age catching up to me, Katara. Minor colds and fevers hit me harder than they would someone younger. My own physician has checked me and he's told me as much.”

“But...”

“You've done too much for me already. I want you to go home with Aang and enjoy being young and in love. Promise?”

Katara chuckled, and Azula saw a flash of blue as she took a seat on the divan in Ursa's sitting room. “Okay.” The chuckle died, followed by a darkly serious tone. “I am worried about Azula. Mai's still harboring a grudge over her prison time, Zuko doesn't want anything to do with her, and all the servants keep whispering about her. Something about curses and death-touched and all sorts of superstitious stuff.”

Ursa sounded dismissive. “I'll deal with the rumors and the superstitions after I've had the chance to be with both of my children for the first time in over a decade. As for Zuko and Azula, most of their issues stem from their father's influence.” She nearly spat the last three words. “With him not around, I have a chance to repair the divide between them. She is my daughter as much as he is my son. I can reach them and bring them together if I am given the chance to try.”

In the silence that followed Azula decided that she had better go before she got caught snooping like some child, but just as she was about to move Katara said, “I don't know how much of Azula is still there anymore.”

The words were spoken without hyperbole or volume, but they struck Azula with terror all the same.

In her room her bed called to her, but she didn't go to it right away. Instead she picked up a painting that sat on a writing desk in the corner. In it, four people posed with folded hands and solemn expressions, the children kneeling at their parents' feet. This painter had managed to capture a gentle motherly look on Ursa's face with simple brush strokes, and Zuko, who appeared to be about nine, had an earnest, determined energy about him. However, it was the man seated beside Ursa who drew the eye, with a strong set jaw, a balled fist and a fierce glare that almost seemed alive. That must be her father.

And at his feet, the young girl copied his look.

Azula walked back out to the hallway and stared at her reflection in the huge mirror, then back to the family portrait. Where was that girl? Was she still there?

Do I want to find her?

When she looked up again it seemed like the girl in the mirror changed, the gold eyes becoming rounder and more blue, the pointed jaw softening.

But maybe she was imagining it.

Chapter 7: The Real Azula

Azula woke to warmth on her cheek, and she squinted at the narrow strip of light breaking through the curtains and painting a bright line on her body.  She forced herself out of bed, stumbled over to the window and threw the curtains open. The sunlight on her face chased away the fog in her mind. It was strange, how different it was from the moonlight. Though both had the effect of waking her up, the moon made her feel mellow and calm, while the sun's rays stirred up her chi. For the first time since waking up in the Oasis water, she felt like...

“The real me,” she said aloud. Not that she had any idea who the real her was, but still, it was like her brain was less foggy.

Maybe that meant... Azula tried to bend some flame. Her hand didn't even warm up a little.

She threw on a robe and stomped over to the mirror. The glaring reminder of what had happened to her surrounded her face and covered her shoulders. That hair. That damned hair. There must be a pair of scissors nearby, she could just cut it all off. Maybe that would fix everything.

A memory came to her then, sudden and vivid, of standing in front of a mirror very much like this one, thinking the very same thing. But her hair had been dark then, and she had been all alone in the palace...except for her mother. Ursa had been with her. But she couldn't have been there, because she was...

Azula's stomach clenched with nausea and she clutched her forehead where it had begun to throb. Calm down, she told herself. After a moment of focusing on her breathing, in and out, in and out, she dared to look up at the mirror. Away from windows and the sun's light she was beginning to feel weak and exhausted again.

“If only I could remember,” she whispered to her reflection. “If only I could get some answers about what happened to me.”

As she watched in growing terror, the image in the mirror blurred and changed. A woman all in white faced her, hair the same color spilling over her shoulders and down her back except for two loops on the top of her head. She looked wan and faint, almost greyish around the edges, and there were bags under her eyes. “I'm sorry. I didn't know.”

“Didn't know what?” Azula cried, panting with fear. “What are you talking about?”

“Bonding with an adult is nothing like bonding with a baby,” the woman continued to murmur as if Azula hadn't spoken. “Adults have their personalities already developed, their sense of identity locked into place...I didn't realize just how difficult that would make things...”

“Start making sense, damn it!”

“You and I agreed to a bargain, Princess Azula of the Fire Nation. I promised to help free you, and to do that I have bonded with you. But the bond is incomplete. Your spirit has put up blocks to keep me out. That is why you cannot access your memories or your bending.”

“You...you're Yue. You're the moon spirit Katara told me about.”

“Yes.” Her gaze turned pleading. “Please stop fighting me. Please let me in all the way. I can't help you like this and both of us suffer for it.”

“I have a better idea,” she snarled. “Get out of my body. You've met the terms of your bargain. I'm free. Go away.”

“No, Azula,” Yue whispered. “You're as trapped as you've always been.”

Azula turned away, fighting the urge to break the mirror. When she glanced back, her own face looked back at her once more.

She rang for a maid, and the girl from yesterday showed up. She was less hesitant than before, but Azula was no less irritated and snapped at her to hurry up a couple of times. Once dressed and coiffed, Azula sought out her mother. She had to ask a couple of servants, but finally one pointed her in the direction of the gardens.

It seemed a familiar place, warm and welcoming. Adjoining it was a villa, small compared to the palace but luxurious by any other standard. In the center was a pond where turtleducks padded back and forth,  and by it stood a pine tree under which her mother sat, holding out breadcrumbs in her delicate hands.

Ursa lifted her head and smiled, and abrupt rage filled Azula almost to overflowing. This was all her fault. The meddling bitch.

Her mother's smile suddenly dropped, replaced by a worried frown. “Azula?”

No tantrums, Azula told herself. Right now I have very little power or influence. I have to stay calm and be on the lookout for a way to change that. Taking a deep breath, she forced her anger down, and smiled. “Hello, Mother.”

“How did you sleep?” Ursa asked her as she took a seat under the tree's shadow. The air was warm though it was still early spring, and sweat beaded on Azula's neck.

“Well, I suppose. It seems very late, though. Have I missed breakfast?”

“I'm afraid so. Are you hungry? I can send for something.”

“Maybe later,” Azula replied. The pleasant small talk was beginning to grate on her. “Has Katara left?”

“She and Aang departed early this morning.”

Good, Azula thought, pushing aside a twinge of sadness. Who needs her? “What about Zuko?”

Ursa brushed the remaining crumbs off her hands. “A diplomat from the western Earth Kingdom arrived not long ago, so he and Mai will be occupied much of the day. It's just you and me. What would you like to do? Oh, I know,” she continued before Azula could answer. “You could use some new outfits. I could summon some cloth merchants and a tailor.”

Azula wanted to say no out of sheer spite, but that would get her nowhere. Besides, the more time she spent with her mother, the more she could learn about Zuko and what had been going on these past six years. “That sounds lovely.”

So that's how they ended up in a parlor, with Azula seated on a cushioned platform while one groveling man after another presented bolts of fabric in various patterns and textures. Some weren't even red. She ended up letting her mother make most of the decisions, more concerned with the odd looks the merchants would shoot her out of the corners of their eyes. Nor did she fail to notice that the tailor was very careful to avoid touching her hair as he took her measurements. The effort of trying to stay awake was wearing her down. When Ursa said, “How about lunch?” Azula could barely do more than nod.

Once they were settled in Ursa's sitting room and the request for food sent to the kitchen, Azula started talking to avoid falling asleep. “Everyone seems to like you.”

“You mean Aang and Katara?”

“And Mai.”

“Ah.” Ursa smiled. “I've always liked Mai, ever since you became friends with her when you two were young. She balances out your brother and helps him maintain perspective, and that's not just good for their relationship but for the country as a whole. Aang is easy to get along with; he's sweet and compassionate. Katara was the hardest to get to know. I believe she had a difficult time accepting me because my presence reminded her that her own mother was never coming back. But one day we had a talk, and it got better after that.”

She began coughing suddenly. “Pardon,” she rasped when the coughs subsided. “I don't mean to talk so much, and I don't want to overload you with too much information since you still have amnesia. It's just that I never thought this would happen, us two sitting together like this, just talking.”

“Don't worry about me. I'm enjoying myself.” Azula hoped her lie sounded convincing. “I am wondering something, though. Is Zuko avoiding me?”

Ursa's eyes widened in surprise. “I don't think so. Why do you ask?”

“Except for when Katara and I first arrived, he hasn't asked to see me. It just seems strange.”

“He is very busy, Azula. Even when there is peace, a Fire Lord has many demands on his time. Also, we all figured you needed your rest after what you've been through.”

Convenient, thought Azula cynically, but she let it go.

At that moment the food arrived, so she had to wait until the servants had served them and departed before she could speak again. “I understand that you don't want to throw too much at me at once, but one thing has been really bugging me. Could you tell me what happened to my father? If Zuko is Fire Lord, does that mean he's dead?”

“No, he's not dead.” Ursa picked up her tea, sipped it and set it down. “I knew this would come up, but I hoped it wouldn't be for a while. Still, you're going to find out sooner or later, so I might as well tell you.” She took a deep breath. “When your father was Fire Lord, our nation was waging a war against the other nations. A comet named after your great-grandfather Sozin was m coming and he intended to use its power to burn the entire Earth Kingdom to the ground. Aang stopped him by taking his bending away.”

Like Yue did to me, Azula thought.

“Anyway,” Ursa continued, “since only a firebender can sit on the Dragon Throne, your father was no longer eligible to rule, so Zuko was able to take his place. His rule hasn't gone completely uncontested, but he's managed to gain enough support that things are relatively stable.” She smiled a little. “I might have had something to do with that. Despite my exile, I managed to maintain some connections.”

Azula was too preoccupied with the new information about her father to register what her mother had said about 'exile'. “So was Father banished?”

“No,” said Ursa, her curt tone clearly indicating that she didn't want to talk about this anymore.

“Mother, I understand this is difficult, and I don't want to stir up trouble. It's just been so hard, not remembering anything. Everything is so confusing.” She didn't have much difficulty sounding sincere since the last part was true.

Ursa fiddled with her cup in silent debate, then said, “Ozai's at the prison at the base of the caldera, away from the city, past the factories. But, please don't go see him. He will use you to try to get out of prison. All he's ever done with people is use them, especially those who love him.”

Neither spoke for the rest of the meal. At the end, Azula excused herself with, “I think I'm going to go for a walk.”

“I'm going to take a nap and then get ready for dinner,” Ursa replied. “Zuko is holding a small banquet in the diplomat's honor. Maybe afterward you can find a chance to talk to him.” She rose and enfolded Azula in a hug. “I love you.” Again the smell of honey and orchids filled Azula's nose. She almost let her anger go then, almost sank into the sweet relief of being in her mother's arms, safe under the loving gaze of her blue eyes...

no, amber, my mother's eyes are amber...

When Ursa drew back, those amber eyes were puffy and bloodshot, with dark circles underneath. Had they been like that the whole time? Azula briefly considered mentioning it, but opted for “I love you, too.” The words echoed hollow in her ears.

As Azula left her mother's suite, she realized she never asked where Ursa spent her years in exile. Truth was, she just didn't care that much.

Chapter 8: The Darkest Night

Instead of taking a walk, she ended up back in her room where she fell asleep despite her intentions to the contrary. The sun had already set when she woke up, but she pulled herself together, had her maid help her put on the nicest of her old outfits and joined the group in the huge, formal banquet room just as the first course was being served.

The Earth Kingdom diplomat got the honored seat on Zuko's right, and Ursa because of her seniority was seated at his other side. Mai got the seat next to the diplomat, and Azula sat next to Ursa. The rest of the places were filled with various members of the diplomat's retinue and a few Fire Nation nobles whose names Azula might remember if she tried to, but she didn't feel like putting forth the effort. The conversation mostly concerned boring trade talks and land disputes, plus a few asinine anecdotes from the diplomat, a preening old moron with a sizable gut. Azula ate quietly, ignoring and being ignored by everyone save her mother and the diplomat. When she caught him staring, she gave him an uncomfortable smile; he met it with a lecherous glance that made her ill. He didn't seem to be bothered by her hair, though she wished he were.

After several more courses, he, Zuko and the other gentlemen left for the Fire Lord's formal parlor-as opposed to his private sitting room or his study-for more tea, dessert, and endless talking. Azula felt a tiny bit of glee at seeing the drawn, resigned look on Zuko's face.

Mai took the ladies to her own parlor for tea, not extending an invitation. Though the snub stung, it was overshadowed by Azula's relief that she wouldn't have to deal with more of Mai's snark. Ursa also bid her good night, claiming a stomach ache, but promised that they would go to the tailor in the morning and see how her new outfits were coming along. Once again Azula found herself alone and aimless. Is this what my life is going to be like? she asked herself. Idly waiting for the next banquet, spending money on clothes and looking pretty for my brother's guests?

I'd rather kill myself.

For the second time that day she made her way outside to the cool air of the gardens and the soothing silence of the turtleduck pond. The animals were sleeping in their little nests on the other side; she let them be. Kneeling on the stone edge, she stared down at her reflection in the water. Framing her face was the masses of white hair, clear and bright in an otherwise dark pool, save for the sliver of moon reflected to the right of her head. She leaned closer, both curious and afraid that Yue would show her face again.

“Azula?”

She shot up, startled. Zuko stood a few paces away, his crown dull and his scar gray in the dim light. “You wanted to see me?”

She lifted her chin. “That's not entirely accurate, but I did wonder if you wanted to see me, or if you were going to spend the next few decades pretending I didn't exist.”

Zuko sighed. “Give me a break, Azula. You've been home less than three days and you spent most of that time in bed sick. The diplomat's visit was planned weeks ago.”

Getting to her feet, she brushed herself off, checking the back of her robes and her slippers for dirt. Satisfied that there was none, she drew herself to her full height, mustering all her dignity. But she found herself at a loss for words, which infuriated her.

“So how are you feeling?” he asked.

“Like a sideshow exhibit in a circus.”

Zuko;s lips twitched as if he was trying not to smile. “It isn't that bad. You look...kinda pretty.”

Part of her actually softened at the compliment, which appalled the rest of her. “Pretty freakish, you mean. I know people are talking about me.”

“Maybe a little,” he allowed. “Bothers you, huh? No longer being perfect? People staring at you and whispering because of something you had no control over?”

She glared at him. “What are you talking about?”

“Oh, right. You don't remember how I got this.” He pointed at his scar. She didn't remember up until that point, but his mention of it dragged up a brief flash of memory. A tall man towered over a boy just beginning to show the first signs of manhood, their resemblance unmistakable. The man lifted his fist, a burst of flame erupted from his knuckles and the boy screamed...

Zuko was still speaking. “I had no idea what the Water Tribe Oasis was going to do to you,” he said, “but I do know that if I hadn't let Katara take you there, you would have died.”

“Because Mother wanted you to save me,” she retorted.

“Despite what you may think, Azula, it's not just about Mom. You're my sister. I wouldn't let you die alone in a hospital, no matter what happened between us.”

Azula turned away, hugging herself, but Zuko wasn't finished. “The point is, what's done is done and we can't take it back. We better work with it and figure out what to do next."

"What do we do next, Zuko?" she snapped. "Marry me off to some favored governor or general of yours? Someone who will keep me home and force me to bear a gaggle of babies that will always be below whatever brat Mai finally pops out for you?"

"Azula, I don't care if you ever get married. But let me make one thing clear." He stepped closer to her then, the shadows on his face emphasizing his threatening look. "If you do anything to ruin the peace Aang and I have built together, one single thing, I will put you in the deepest cell I can find and forget about you."

Like you did with Father, she said silently as he pivoted and strode away. A chill breeze picked up and she wrapped her arms tighter around herself.

*

Azula slept late the next day, waking up briefly at noon, eating a small meal, then drifting off again. Her dreams were filled with an odd montage of disjointed scenes; sitting on the dais in the throne room giving commands, swimming in endless circles, screaming at blurry faces that could be Katara, her mother or someone else, standing at an bridge of ice staring up at the moon, kissing someone whose face couldn't quite be seen, watching a laughing girl with color changing eyes rise up out of a vast ocean...

When she dragged herself to her mother's rooms for dinner, Ursa said, "Katara told me to expect that you would sleep a lot as the moon waned, but I didn't realize it would be this much."

"Oh?" Azula kept her voice neutral.

"She said that according to the healers at the North Pole, Princess Yue-that's Chief Arnook's departed daughter-her sleep was affected by the cycles of the moon and that yours might be as well."

Azula tucked this bit of information away as Ursa continued, "Anyway, we got a reply this morning from Ty Lee. She's leaving the Earth Kingdom on the next ship out and should be here the day after tomorrow."

An image surfaced in Azula's mind of a frightened girl in stained pink clothes being thrown into a cell, her gray eyes pleading for mercy.

Well, that reunion will be fun.

After she finished eating and went back to her room, she almost fell back into bed, but willed herself to stay awake. She was not going to let this stupid spirit magic run her life. Summoning her maid, she demanded an almanac, a cold bath, and the strongest tea in the palace.

As the bathtub in the spa was filling up, Azula sipped her tea and flipped through the almanac. Tonight was the new moon. She tapped her lips in thought. So the moon influenced her sleep patterns. That probably meant that Yue's influence on her was tied to the moon's cycle, which explained why Azula managed to feel more in control of herself when it was waning. She thought of the Water Tribe peasant then, how she had felt in his presence two weeks prior, and she grimaced.

When the moon started to wax again, would she turn back into that simpering moron? She really hoped not.

Her eyes fell on the candle on the table. Its little flame danced on the wick as if taunting her. Just then her mind filled with brief but potent flashes of memory in which blue flame danced in her palms, igniting everything it touched. Grief hit her like a blow to the stomach.

Draining the tea, she stood, went over to the huge tub and submerged herself completely in the cool water. Briefly she considered just staying there, letting the damned liquid enter her lungs and end this useless charade of a life. Then she surfaced again. Whether because of the moon spirit's remaining influence, or her own damned stubbornness, she couldn't do it.

She dragged herself out of the bath, shivering a little, trudged back to her room, found her darkest clothes and cloak and put them on. Digging through her wardrobe, she found a bag of money and headed out. Slipping out of the palace was easier than she expected; she simply walked past the guards into the gardens, then through the adjoining building and out to the streets without anyone spotting her or trying to stop her. Really, was Zuko that dumb? She'd at least expect Mai to want her watched.

Perhaps they honestly didn't see her as that much of a threat. She didn't know whether to be grateful or insulted.

She made it all the way down to the prison on foot, fighting exhaustion the whole time. To one of the guards she said, "Tell no one of my visit, and I'll double this." She dropped the bag into his hand; the coins clinked and he nodded with a greedy smile.

Azula walked through the corridors of the prison, pulling her cloak tight and her hood down, peering into each cell briefly before moving onto the next. Finally, at the end of one, she found a room with a cage inside it. A man huddled in the back corner of the cage, pressed against the bars, limp hair hiding his face. But she knew him.

"Father."

At the sound the man peered up, squinting at the light pouring in from the torches in the hall. "Who disturbs me in my hell?"

"Don't be melodramatic," she said, kneeling on the stone floor, wincing at the dirt. "Can't you tell?"

"Azula?" Ozai crawled forward until his face was a few hand-breadths away from hers, and his tone  became caustic. "I heard you'd been hidden away in some secret hospital after the Avatar's Water trash girlfriend defeated you and you lost your mind."

"That's all in the past."

"The past is all I have," he rasped, settling back on his heels. Under his stare she forced herself to stay calm, keeping her hands relaxed on her thighs.  After a moment of this he spoke again. "So how did you get out? Decide to become another loyal puppet of the Avatar like your brother?"

"I am no one's puppet!" she snarled.

He chuckled. "Push back your hood."

He could see it. She didn't hide it well enough. Bending her head in shame, Azula did so, and Ozai erupted into laughter. Her cheeks burned.

"So how did that happen?" he choked out. "Let me guess, more of your mother's meddling? Have you gone and joined the Water Tribes now?"

Azula turned away, tears stinging her eyes, but he didn't stop. "Are you playing the pretty princess for your brother? I imagine he's already selling you off to the highest bidder." He retreated back into the darkness of his cell. "Go away. You're no daughter of mine."

She wanted to defend herself, to convince him that she was still the same Azula, but her wit failed her. Maybe it was gone for good.

Maybe he was right and she wasn't his daughter anymore.

Leaving the cell, she heard him start laughing again. She broke into a run, fleeing the prison, but the sound of his laughter echoed in her ears the whole way back up to the palace.