Mirror the Sun

[schwarztkd]

Author: Amy Raine

Title: Mirror the Sun, Prologue and Part 1

Rating: PG-13

Pairings: slight one-sided Azula/Sokka, other pairings in the background are canon.

Summary: When the moon spirit intrudes on Azula's hallucinations to show her the truth, she agrees to a bargain that will get her out of the asylum. Unfortunately, she doesn't realize the full

Comments

[ljlee]

Ah, I have found it! First I want to start off by saying the rewrites worked to amazing effect. The prologue scene that I already liked is now hauntingly beautiful, and the pace became considerably tighter now that you've deleted the in-between scenes and kept Azula's point of view. You use the amnesiac's point of view well, and the descriptions through the eyes of someone unfamiliar with the world brings everything to life. The supernatural setup is both enchanting and creepy the way it should be, and I love how you utilized the traditional association of moon with madness.

One criticism is that after the shock of Azula's awakening and the tense conversations (great aural descriptions, btw) the story slows down a bit in mundane details. I like the details fine, and you brought out Azula's confused emotions along with Yue's subtle battle for dominance, but the pacing would have been even tighter if there were some driving suspense or event to give the whole thing an overlay of tension. Not that there isn't tension, since Azula remembers nothing of her past, but it's something that's known to the reader so I think another point of suspense or conflict would have helped.

Overall, though, this is a solid beginning. I know you're a bit burned out on the amount of work you poured into this, but I hope there's some comfort in the fact that the work really shows through. I can see how much you've improved as a writer through a difficult experience, so I hope you can look back fondly on it.