Control and Fear
The challenge with trying to control everything is that you can’t ever really. You can influence others. You may even be able to exercise a certain degree of influence over groups of people or circumstance…but control is a feverish dream.
I can never really control the actions of another person. I can’t even make life unfold according to my plans or timeline, although it is better to have a plan than no plan at all. But planning helps me stay focused and task oriented. But, plans often have to change in the face of new information or unforeseen circumstances. The plan just helps me respond with a certain degree of sanity…it helps me maintain serenity in times of upheaval.
The need for control is related to my perfectionism. Both are about fear. The underlying feeling is that I don’t fee safe. The world isn’t a safe place and so forth. Controlling is my misguided effort to make the world seem safer. If I can do everything perfectly…do everything just so…the all will be well. That is never the case.
Being a control freak, as was role modeled effectively for me, does not allow for life to unfold as it needs to.
I can never really control the actions of another person. I can’t even make life unfold according to my plans or timeline, although it is better to have a plan than no plan at all. But planning helps me stay focused and task oriented. But, plans often have to change in the face of new information or unforeseen circumstances. The plan just helps me respond with a certain degree of sanity…it helps me maintain serenity in times of upheaval.
The need for control is related to my perfectionism. Both are about fear. The underlying feeling is that I don’t fee safe. The world isn’t a safe place and so forth. Controlling is my misguided effort to make the world seem safer. If I can do everything perfectly…do everything just so…the all will be well. That is never the case.
Being a control freak, as was role modeled effectively for me, does not allow for life to unfold as it needs to.