Anne Coulter Abducted by Aliens
Anne Coulter Alien Abduction
Anne Coulter has been abducted by extraterrestrials and subjected to many medical examinations and anal probing. The travails of the conservative author and political pundit is set to be published in the National Enquirer and promises to offer insights into what is considered to be one of the most misunderstood phenomenon’s of modern history.
This, at least for Hilary Clinton, may offer an enlightening explanation into Coulter’s past behavior including her recent anti-Semitic remarks during a talk show appearance. However, her rival for the democratic presidential nomination Barrack Obama says that not enough is being done to hold the former Clinton and present Bush administrations accountable for their role in the clandestine cover-up that “rivals all cover-ups” since Tom Cruise’s denial of his gayness.
“Obama wants to use the Coulter abduction to take attention off of him,” Clinton said at a press conference earlier today. She was referring to the recent accusations made against Obama by key members in the African American community accusing him of not really being black.
Obama countered by reminding reporters that there is still some speculation that Clinton is really an aging drag queen from San Francisco.
“Again we are victims of ‘business as usual’ in Washington,” the idealistic Obama stated, “There has been strong evidence for years linking the top levels of the United States government with the mysterious alien presence that has been seen hovering around Area 51 and other top secret government facilities since the 1950’s.”
Clinton retorted that Obama sounds more like a paranoid white guy than he does a black dude. But at least one notable person agrees that the Coulter Abduction may point us in the direction of a vast government cover-up. Infamous abduction researcher Budd Hopkins stated in a recent press release that alien abductions among conservative politicos has been on the increase since the mid term elections which is leading researchers right to the door of the DNC.
“We want to be careful and go slow with this investigation,” Hopkins said by phone from his New York Studio, “If we are not careful we could cast doubt on the serious study of UFO and Alien abduction research. We don’t want to make accusations of government involvement before all the evidence is in. This would end up making us look like a bunch of loony conspiracy theorists. That isn’t good for anyone.”
Among the evidence is a grainy photograph showing a nude Anne Coulter riding atop an extraterrestrial being commonly referred to by researchers as a “grey.”
The photograph has been given to several private researchers for analysis including magician and professional debunker, The Amazing Randi who believes the photograph to not only be a hoax but an example of the huge amount of chutzpah exhibited on a regular basis by UFO researchers and conspiracy theorists.
“You would have to be incredibly gullible or legally blind to believe this photo to be the real thing,” Says Randi, “It is so obviously a poor photo-shopped picture of Anne Coulter’s face over another nude woman’s body and a man in an alien costume.”
Hopkins doesn’t agree.
“The government just wants you to think it is a poor photo-shopped picture of Anne Coulter. It is dangerous to underestimate the lengths that the power structure of the countries elite will go to throw us off the trail and confuse the truth.”
Hopkins than added we should bear in mind an axiom from his favorite X-Files episode stating that the best place to hide the truth is between two lies.
There are still further reasons to suspect that the Democrats, at least the more conservative, are using the Alien conspiracy to undermine the credibility of the more left wing extremists in the DNC by pushing the blame in their direction.
An anonymous source cited a secret White House memo linking former conservative Democrat Joe Lieberman and moderate pretending Republican John McCain to the cover-up behind the Coulter abduction.
“Even though Lieberman won he is still pretty pissed at his former party bosses for dumping him. This is a chance to get even, “a White House official speaking on condition of anonymity stated, “Coulter is the perfect patsy. She is already bitchy and abrasive and not politically correct. She is a walking time bomb.”
When asked if he thought the fact that Coulter lashed out at liberals would actually serve the Democrats rather than destroy them as he suggested he responded with a standard G.I. “No comment.”
Obama laughed off the Lieberman connection pointing out that he was more likely to illicit a conspiracy of yawning at a strip club.
“Coulter is the perfect person to discredit the Conservatives. In fact we can expect her abduction experience to be reported more like a sex scandal than an alien abduction. Between Anne humping aliens and all those gay republicans coming out of the closet this is more about discrediting the Republicans then the Democrats. There needs to be an investigation,” said Obama.
Then he remembered he was a liberal and let the matter of an investigation drop.
*I on the other hand am quite excited about this recent Anne Coulter-Alien Sex thing. If she will have sex with an ugly grey then I have just bumped up a little higher on the list. I still would sleep with Anne Coulter if I got the chance and at this point I wouldn’t even care if my friends found out, liberal or conservative. At this point any woman who wouldn’t turn her nose up at a fat hairy dude is all right in my book.