nerves.
I'm laying here, crying on my bed...I threw a plate. And broke it.
My patience hasn't gotten this thin in a long time.
I'm waiting for Paige to take my stepson grocery shopping for all of us. We have NOTHING to eat. No bread. No sandwich items. The only thing I could make for lunch was spaghetti, and that's what we'd had for dinner last night. So of course, Xy turned her nose up at it. Then it slid off the couch arm and into Axl and Xy. Off the plate. Onto the couch.
Dog food, essentially.
My plate fell off the TV. Twice. So now, I don't get to eat, either. Because Zeus ate my effing lunch.
As low as my blood sugar is, I wouldn't have cared if I'd eaten off the floor or not.
God knows, I've eaten worse in far worse places.
I'm so tired. I've been yanked in fifty different directions. I'm trying hard to remain optimistic, but it's so damn hard at this point.
I'm tired of being lonely.
Sure, I talk to P and E. It's not really the same.
P knows I have feelings for him...he knows how I feel. He told me the other day that one day, we wouldn't be as close as we are now, because we'd start seeing other people. And that I'm a good woman, who deserved someone to make me happy. And that I'd be blessed with his children too.
More kids? I really don't know what to think about that.
But, I am happy. Mostly.
I keep striving to be the best I can be every day.
I really like E. Really. He's a nice guy, it seems like actually makes time for me though, as opposed to P. Tonight he's coming over and we will be watching the second epi of Firefly.
P is ALWAYS busy. I had to SCHEDULE a date with him, for crying out loud. Next Saturday. Lord forbid, he can't just come over because he gets slammed with work and being over-helpful.
I can be myself around both of them.
I want to ask God to hurry it up, to put that man in my life or reveal him to me that He wants me to be with the rest of my life.
I crave comfort. To be held, kissed, cuddled. To feel protected, safe. There are some nights I wake up in a dead cold sweat from nightmares, and it's just Axl in bed next to me due to whatever dream he had had.
And I cry. Because I feel so alone.
My patience hasn't gotten this thin in a long time.
I'm waiting for Paige to take my stepson grocery shopping for all of us. We have NOTHING to eat. No bread. No sandwich items. The only thing I could make for lunch was spaghetti, and that's what we'd had for dinner last night. So of course, Xy turned her nose up at it. Then it slid off the couch arm and into Axl and Xy. Off the plate. Onto the couch.
Dog food, essentially.
My plate fell off the TV. Twice. So now, I don't get to eat, either. Because Zeus ate my effing lunch.
As low as my blood sugar is, I wouldn't have cared if I'd eaten off the floor or not.
God knows, I've eaten worse in far worse places.
I'm so tired. I've been yanked in fifty different directions. I'm trying hard to remain optimistic, but it's so damn hard at this point.
I'm tired of being lonely.
Sure, I talk to P and E. It's not really the same.
P knows I have feelings for him...he knows how I feel. He told me the other day that one day, we wouldn't be as close as we are now, because we'd start seeing other people. And that I'm a good woman, who deserved someone to make me happy. And that I'd be blessed with his children too.
More kids? I really don't know what to think about that.
But, I am happy. Mostly.
I keep striving to be the best I can be every day.
I really like E. Really. He's a nice guy, it seems like actually makes time for me though, as opposed to P. Tonight he's coming over and we will be watching the second epi of Firefly.
P is ALWAYS busy. I had to SCHEDULE a date with him, for crying out loud. Next Saturday. Lord forbid, he can't just come over because he gets slammed with work and being over-helpful.
I can be myself around both of them.
I want to ask God to hurry it up, to put that man in my life or reveal him to me that He wants me to be with the rest of my life.
I crave comfort. To be held, kissed, cuddled. To feel protected, safe. There are some nights I wake up in a dead cold sweat from nightmares, and it's just Axl in bed next to me due to whatever dream he had had.
And I cry. Because I feel so alone.