bah f*ing humbug.
Roy's back is hurting him like hell the last couple of days, so when he's gotten up, he's automatically taken shit out on me.
I feel like torching our Christmas tree at this point, and not take anything off of it first.
He's been an absolute asshole to me, nothing has been good enough for him. Oh, well- except the fact I finally made dark chocolate chip cookies the 'right' way yesterday, and he complimented me on them this morning. Shock and awe.
Xylia has been an absolute BRAT the last two days running, the fact that she is actually obeying, getting along, and not causing any kind of conflict so far today is absolutely f*ing amazing. Sadly, I don't expect that to last long.
I just feel like crying. We weren't able to hardly get the girls anything at all this year for Christmas, just three gifts. That was all. And yeah, it helped that the local UMC helped us out, but jealousy has reared its' ugly head. And I see all the 'cool' things that my sister has bought her FOSTER son, and f* us and her nieces and f* Jade and her niece and nephew... and I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
I should be grateful for what we have, but instead all I've been feeling is despair. And it really doesn't help when my husband-to-be states that he needs to go out and find a 7 day a week job, when his nearly 25 wk (7 months) pregnant fiancee is feeling like shit and guilty because she couldn't go out and find a job right now if she wanted to, because the majority of employers in this crappy city are biased and discriminatory against pregnant workers, and won't hire me in my current state. And I'm really torn between fighting MSSU over all the credits I earned over at Vatterott, or just saying screw it and finding a 9 to 5- which isn't going to be happening, because employers frown upon children, and want you to be 'flexible enough' to work the hours THEY want you to work. Axl will more than likely go into some sort of daycare when he is old enough, because Roy sure as hell won't be able to handle him. He can't even handle my kids, what the hell makes him seem to think he's going to be able to handle one of his own?
To make matters even more stupid, my dumbass ex husband and his father showed up on Friday to pick up the girls, without even consulting the mediation papers first. Even though I had sent him a message clearly stating that he needed to look at the papers that morning about 5- 5:30. He then proceeded to argue with me, in the cold, ON MY PORCH even though I have told them NOT to come in the yard or over the sidewalk or else they would be trespassing MULTIPLE TIMES, that I was wrong and the divorce paperwork was right and da-de-f*ing-DAH. Until I showed him the digital copy I have of the mediation paperwork, and basically said 'sorry about your damn luck, you should have looked at the papers, not my f*ing job, you wasted your gas'. I don't know when he will ever pull his head out of his ass and realize that I am not his personal assistant. Probably when his father finally croaks, and I still don't know what he's going to do then- because still, not a damn one of that clan knows how to drive other than his father.
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore... I've about had it to begin with.
And we still need everything for Axl, and nothing has been bought, other than a few boxes of donated clothes and small baby items. Edweena has still not gotten back to me about any of that stuff her sister in law was supposedly suppose to be giving to me, and Angie that used to live across the street has given us a crib- minus the bottom of it, and any screws. So we still really don't have anything for Axl. And I feel bad because of it.
Zerrin has started coming around more about having a little brother... but she still gets pissy about having a brother and wanting a sister.
I have to go. Z is hollering at me.
I feel like torching our Christmas tree at this point, and not take anything off of it first.
He's been an absolute asshole to me, nothing has been good enough for him. Oh, well- except the fact I finally made dark chocolate chip cookies the 'right' way yesterday, and he complimented me on them this morning. Shock and awe.
Xylia has been an absolute BRAT the last two days running, the fact that she is actually obeying, getting along, and not causing any kind of conflict so far today is absolutely f*ing amazing. Sadly, I don't expect that to last long.
I just feel like crying. We weren't able to hardly get the girls anything at all this year for Christmas, just three gifts. That was all. And yeah, it helped that the local UMC helped us out, but jealousy has reared its' ugly head. And I see all the 'cool' things that my sister has bought her FOSTER son, and f* us and her nieces and f* Jade and her niece and nephew... and I hate it. I absolutely hate it.
I should be grateful for what we have, but instead all I've been feeling is despair. And it really doesn't help when my husband-to-be states that he needs to go out and find a 7 day a week job, when his nearly 25 wk (7 months) pregnant fiancee is feeling like shit and guilty because she couldn't go out and find a job right now if she wanted to, because the majority of employers in this crappy city are biased and discriminatory against pregnant workers, and won't hire me in my current state. And I'm really torn between fighting MSSU over all the credits I earned over at Vatterott, or just saying screw it and finding a 9 to 5- which isn't going to be happening, because employers frown upon children, and want you to be 'flexible enough' to work the hours THEY want you to work. Axl will more than likely go into some sort of daycare when he is old enough, because Roy sure as hell won't be able to handle him. He can't even handle my kids, what the hell makes him seem to think he's going to be able to handle one of his own?
To make matters even more stupid, my dumbass ex husband and his father showed up on Friday to pick up the girls, without even consulting the mediation papers first. Even though I had sent him a message clearly stating that he needed to look at the papers that morning about 5- 5:30. He then proceeded to argue with me, in the cold, ON MY PORCH even though I have told them NOT to come in the yard or over the sidewalk or else they would be trespassing MULTIPLE TIMES, that I was wrong and the divorce paperwork was right and da-de-f*ing-DAH. Until I showed him the digital copy I have of the mediation paperwork, and basically said 'sorry about your damn luck, you should have looked at the papers, not my f*ing job, you wasted your gas'. I don't know when he will ever pull his head out of his ass and realize that I am not his personal assistant. Probably when his father finally croaks, and I still don't know what he's going to do then- because still, not a damn one of that clan knows how to drive other than his father.
I don't know what I'm going to do anymore... I've about had it to begin with.
And we still need everything for Axl, and nothing has been bought, other than a few boxes of donated clothes and small baby items. Edweena has still not gotten back to me about any of that stuff her sister in law was supposedly suppose to be giving to me, and Angie that used to live across the street has given us a crib- minus the bottom of it, and any screws. So we still really don't have anything for Axl. And I feel bad because of it.
Zerrin has started coming around more about having a little brother... but she still gets pissy about having a brother and wanting a sister.
I have to go. Z is hollering at me.