almost-not-quite.
Yesterday was one hell of a day.
Shortly after posting my last entry, I did every thing I said I was going to do. I put Z's clothes away, I cleaned out the refrigerators (one for food, one for drinks), and I made an inventory of food we were out of.
Roy cracked his 1st beer at 10:33 AM.
My first thought was, OK. Maybe he's finally got the hint I'm done.
I went ahead, took off to WM. Roy text me, asked me where I went, thought he was going with me. I went shopping alone. I told him I was done, I couldn't do it anymore. I had sat there, waiting in the driveway, for almost what seemed like 10 minutes while he sipped that beer and smoked a cigarette. I had told him he was welcome to come with, but I didn't think he'd wanted to.
Roy was figuring out how to get a bus ticket by selling both Beardies and his PS3 and a couple other things, while I was out shopping. He figured if I didn't want him there, he was just going to leave.
I got back, and of course, he was in a mood. Wasn't as severe as it normally is when he's on a mad streak, but it was as usual intense. I'm used to it by now. Almost 3 years of dealing with his temper... yup.
He destroyed the book bag I'd been using for my college books when I got home, because I'd told him it was his, and that I didn't want it. I jumped his ass for it. He'd had clothes packed in it, dumped it out, ripped it down the side so that both zippers will no longer work. So now I have to find something else to tote my books.
I told him it was really f*ing hard to try and communicate with someone, when they want you to talk to them, but won't communicate back. I can't read his f*ing mind. I don't know what the f* to think half the time.
He finally broke down.
He told me everything. Every. Single. Thing. The reasons why for every thing that I'd wanted answers to for months. He'd felt like shit ever since we lost Yvette. He'd felt more like shit when we lost Breane, and more so when we lost Aden. And, apparently, I'm not the only one who's been...erm, frustrated in a particular way... for months as well. Apparently I've been screwing up and not even knowing it.
The reason why he cracked that beer, was because he was trying to be considerate of the fact that there was half a gallon of tea left, and no jug water left to drink. And he was sick of coffee. He was saving the tea for me, and I'd cleaned out the fridges and threw out his tea from Sonic from a few days prior. He'd actually wanted that. He doesn't drink the city water because he says it's nasty. (I have no issues with it, myself.)
We talked for two hours, finally got everything out. A lot of TMI for public reading, but we made up in a particular fashion.
And he no longer wants the open relationship. He didn't even want to give me that line of bull, and that's all it was, was a line of bull. He just wanted me to be happy. I asked him why he felt the need to make up stupid lies just to have something to say, when all I want is for him to be honest and open with me.
That's all I've ever asked.
I'd prayed the Serenity prayer the night before, and asked for prayers of guidance for him. Evidently, my Lord has good ears, as something cracked in Roy, and things are good. I'm not saying they'll always be good, but they are good.
Shortly after posting my last entry, I did every thing I said I was going to do. I put Z's clothes away, I cleaned out the refrigerators (one for food, one for drinks), and I made an inventory of food we were out of.
Roy cracked his 1st beer at 10:33 AM.
My first thought was, OK. Maybe he's finally got the hint I'm done.
I went ahead, took off to WM. Roy text me, asked me where I went, thought he was going with me. I went shopping alone. I told him I was done, I couldn't do it anymore. I had sat there, waiting in the driveway, for almost what seemed like 10 minutes while he sipped that beer and smoked a cigarette. I had told him he was welcome to come with, but I didn't think he'd wanted to.
Roy was figuring out how to get a bus ticket by selling both Beardies and his PS3 and a couple other things, while I was out shopping. He figured if I didn't want him there, he was just going to leave.
I got back, and of course, he was in a mood. Wasn't as severe as it normally is when he's on a mad streak, but it was as usual intense. I'm used to it by now. Almost 3 years of dealing with his temper... yup.
He destroyed the book bag I'd been using for my college books when I got home, because I'd told him it was his, and that I didn't want it. I jumped his ass for it. He'd had clothes packed in it, dumped it out, ripped it down the side so that both zippers will no longer work. So now I have to find something else to tote my books.
I told him it was really f*ing hard to try and communicate with someone, when they want you to talk to them, but won't communicate back. I can't read his f*ing mind. I don't know what the f* to think half the time.
He finally broke down.
He told me everything. Every. Single. Thing. The reasons why for every thing that I'd wanted answers to for months. He'd felt like shit ever since we lost Yvette. He'd felt more like shit when we lost Breane, and more so when we lost Aden. And, apparently, I'm not the only one who's been...erm, frustrated in a particular way... for months as well. Apparently I've been screwing up and not even knowing it.
The reason why he cracked that beer, was because he was trying to be considerate of the fact that there was half a gallon of tea left, and no jug water left to drink. And he was sick of coffee. He was saving the tea for me, and I'd cleaned out the fridges and threw out his tea from Sonic from a few days prior. He'd actually wanted that. He doesn't drink the city water because he says it's nasty. (I have no issues with it, myself.)
We talked for two hours, finally got everything out. A lot of TMI for public reading, but we made up in a particular fashion.
And he no longer wants the open relationship. He didn't even want to give me that line of bull, and that's all it was, was a line of bull. He just wanted me to be happy. I asked him why he felt the need to make up stupid lies just to have something to say, when all I want is for him to be honest and open with me.
That's all I've ever asked.
I'd prayed the Serenity prayer the night before, and asked for prayers of guidance for him. Evidently, my Lord has good ears, as something cracked in Roy, and things are good. I'm not saying they'll always be good, but they are good.