.ranting. move on or feel free to read. trust me... its good.
tonight i was really pissed off. or maybe i was hurt. or maybe i was sad. whatever the case may be, i wanted to take a knife to someones throat, slit it, and watch a crimson river drop to the floor like a soft rain. just SOMETHING to keep me sane; to slow my restless mind and show me this life is real and not some made up fantasy, a short matinee into what is reality rather than the front window of a strangers house, a family who sits down to eat together, says a prayer or two and enjoys their meal. not just a glimpse of what life should be, but what really is.
i cant even pin point why im so angry, yeah i can.
sitting down and talking to you, knowing theres no one else listening in on our crazy idea's of life and why its not strange to want to kill yourself, was more than what i needed. its strange how one person can calm me down, make me stop shaking, me me stop thinking this way, is someone who if i probably met right now, without our past, would have nothing in common. we have completely different backrounds, different ideas on love, sex, human existance, and extremely different family lives. but we are, we just fucking are... here. that last sentence wouldnt make sense to anyone, and it almost to a point doesnt make sense to me. but i know you understand it. and thats what a great friendship is all about.
so, fuck our problems with family. everything will sort itself out without our intervention. our lives change by the faults of our parents. something we grew up with, believing in an invisible stability within our household can seem to hide within the shadows of controversy. chaos is no longer a world wide problem in a far away place, a far away threat, its in our homes and we are unable to infiltrate the barricades which holds us back. mass destruction isnt just a problem to society but a destruction of oneself, beginning at the roots. fuck the people who come into our lifes for social standings. who never want to know the real you, just someone to say you've met and are great friends with when you dont even know who the fuck we are. your the shallow water that lines my ocean. heres a life preserver. you can hold onto it while i take you father into my emotions. fuck you. fuck those unfortunate fools who come into my world for physical fulfillment. yeah, its a little crass, a little bit of a fau paus to talk about, but hey, your not forgotten either. your not the person i want to kill, your my knife that rips across flesh and exposes the very earthly nature a stranger is born to. your that sharp edge, cold steel to the touch which brings warmth to its sharp points. i wonder if you take pleasure in the fog that builds on the blade as you break through skin. i know i do.
so i know your probably thinking, wow, this chick is fucking wacked. and im not here to offend ANYONE. its just what im thinking about at 2 something in the morning. and im sure in the morning ill wake up normal and sociable, like everyday... its just madness driven by a touch of insomnia. im out like a belly button. i have class in !@#$%^&* 3 hours.
i cant even pin point why im so angry, yeah i can.
sitting down and talking to you, knowing theres no one else listening in on our crazy idea's of life and why its not strange to want to kill yourself, was more than what i needed. its strange how one person can calm me down, make me stop shaking, me me stop thinking this way, is someone who if i probably met right now, without our past, would have nothing in common. we have completely different backrounds, different ideas on love, sex, human existance, and extremely different family lives. but we are, we just fucking are... here. that last sentence wouldnt make sense to anyone, and it almost to a point doesnt make sense to me. but i know you understand it. and thats what a great friendship is all about.
so, fuck our problems with family. everything will sort itself out without our intervention. our lives change by the faults of our parents. something we grew up with, believing in an invisible stability within our household can seem to hide within the shadows of controversy. chaos is no longer a world wide problem in a far away place, a far away threat, its in our homes and we are unable to infiltrate the barricades which holds us back. mass destruction isnt just a problem to society but a destruction of oneself, beginning at the roots. fuck the people who come into our lifes for social standings. who never want to know the real you, just someone to say you've met and are great friends with when you dont even know who the fuck we are. your the shallow water that lines my ocean. heres a life preserver. you can hold onto it while i take you father into my emotions. fuck you. fuck those unfortunate fools who come into my world for physical fulfillment. yeah, its a little crass, a little bit of a fau paus to talk about, but hey, your not forgotten either. your not the person i want to kill, your my knife that rips across flesh and exposes the very earthly nature a stranger is born to. your that sharp edge, cold steel to the touch which brings warmth to its sharp points. i wonder if you take pleasure in the fog that builds on the blade as you break through skin. i know i do.
so i know your probably thinking, wow, this chick is fucking wacked. and im not here to offend ANYONE. its just what im thinking about at 2 something in the morning. and im sure in the morning ill wake up normal and sociable, like everyday... its just madness driven by a touch of insomnia. im out like a belly button. i have class in !@#$%^&* 3 hours.