Philosophical rut (Don't you just love it when those happen?)
Hello once again, long time no type. Quick update before I get down to the real meat of this post.
Currently unemployed. I couldn't complain except my mother is Queen Bitch of the Universe at the moment.
Now onto the main problem. (Any and all comments in the bracets are the back of my mind being synical)
Driving home tonight after spending some time with Snooperfox and Woofy, those two love-furs, I got to thinking (is it just me or does any sentence that involes me ending it with 'I got to thinking' just land me in trouble?). Now I'm single (blinding flash of the obvious, why do I bother with this sentece, here comes the real clincher) and I was thinking why (woah, that's right out of left field . Now is it just me or is this starting to get on anyone else's nerves that I'm stuck in this perpetual cycle of being single and somewhat whiney about it?). Actually, I was more thinking about what I would be like in a relationship and how that'd work (it's sort of become an interesting game that I play in the back of my mind, teasing myself to see just what horrors I would face) and I generally think to myself what she'd have to be like to put up with me. (I'll admit it, I wouldn't be the easiest person to have a relationship with, but that's purely because I'm rather strange.) What I never think about though is what I'd be like (other than stupid, nervous and somewhat slow, whilst not new, certainly hinderances). Now I wondered how I'd respond to the idea of having to remember that there's a girl out there that loves me (just because I can say the sentance doesn't mean there isn't a freaking huge red flag attached to that sentence) and I wondered how my life would change. Having forgotten what being in love is like (had I ever actually been in love, the jury is still out on that), I can only guess how my nature would change and I seem to get the answer of 'not much'. It really does suck being stuck between two opposites where the middle ground isn't really a nice place to be, being both a lover and a fighter. I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm a lover at all. (Wow, I'm actually wondering if I can love, this is different, as opposed to blaming everyone else for me being single). Some people have seen me in situations that could show my fighter side and I do show a lot of fighter qualities (I was doing full firearm safety and application on a nailgun and I often do the handgun ammo check on cordless drills, I dunno why, it's just nature to me). Now this makes me wonder if I could have a relationship. (One of these days, I need to get my rifle licence to improve my marksmen skills.) I seem to be too orientated on things that just don't go all that well with the lovey dovey stuff, not to mention I'm a complete idiot (finally! He speaks sense!).
I still like this game I play in my head though, because it means that I'm starting to focus less and less on my inadequacies (many though they may be) and started focusing on what could be and what I should be looking for (so far, all current trends point towards me getting a horse). Currently, I also feel that I'm focusing too much on bad traits (like being a complete and utter hornball) rather than the good ones (like being a gelding). I really need to be more careful now that I don't have those voices in my head anymore, making sure I don't over-inflate my ego (a very dangerous thing, as agreed by everyone).
Oh well, that's all for now.
Currently unemployed. I couldn't complain except my mother is Queen Bitch of the Universe at the moment.
Now onto the main problem. (Any and all comments in the bracets are the back of my mind being synical)
Driving home tonight after spending some time with Snooperfox and Woofy, those two love-furs, I got to thinking (is it just me or does any sentence that involes me ending it with 'I got to thinking' just land me in trouble?). Now I'm single (blinding flash of the obvious, why do I bother with this sentece, here comes the real clincher) and I was thinking why (woah, that's right out of left field . Now is it just me or is this starting to get on anyone else's nerves that I'm stuck in this perpetual cycle of being single and somewhat whiney about it?). Actually, I was more thinking about what I would be like in a relationship and how that'd work (it's sort of become an interesting game that I play in the back of my mind, teasing myself to see just what horrors I would face) and I generally think to myself what she'd have to be like to put up with me. (I'll admit it, I wouldn't be the easiest person to have a relationship with, but that's purely because I'm rather strange.) What I never think about though is what I'd be like (other than stupid, nervous and somewhat slow, whilst not new, certainly hinderances). Now I wondered how I'd respond to the idea of having to remember that there's a girl out there that loves me (just because I can say the sentance doesn't mean there isn't a freaking huge red flag attached to that sentence) and I wondered how my life would change. Having forgotten what being in love is like (had I ever actually been in love, the jury is still out on that), I can only guess how my nature would change and I seem to get the answer of 'not much'. It really does suck being stuck between two opposites where the middle ground isn't really a nice place to be, being both a lover and a fighter. I'm actually starting to wonder if I'm a lover at all. (Wow, I'm actually wondering if I can love, this is different, as opposed to blaming everyone else for me being single). Some people have seen me in situations that could show my fighter side and I do show a lot of fighter qualities (I was doing full firearm safety and application on a nailgun and I often do the handgun ammo check on cordless drills, I dunno why, it's just nature to me). Now this makes me wonder if I could have a relationship. (One of these days, I need to get my rifle licence to improve my marksmen skills.) I seem to be too orientated on things that just don't go all that well with the lovey dovey stuff, not to mention I'm a complete idiot (finally! He speaks sense!).
I still like this game I play in my head though, because it means that I'm starting to focus less and less on my inadequacies (many though they may be) and started focusing on what could be and what I should be looking for (so far, all current trends point towards me getting a horse). Currently, I also feel that I'm focusing too much on bad traits (like being a complete and utter hornball) rather than the good ones (like being a gelding). I really need to be more careful now that I don't have those voices in my head anymore, making sure I don't over-inflate my ego (a very dangerous thing, as agreed by everyone).
Oh well, that's all for now.