Weird, yeah weird works
Okay, how best to describe myself first.
You know in Anime movies where the hero is standing atop a mountain peak, gazing off into the distance as the wind ruffles their clothes and they're in some deep reflection about life and something else? Well I currently feel like that. For some weird reason currently beyond any scope of measure, I do not feel even remotely like myself, like something in me is driving me towards a point I do not know yet. I can't seem to find any reason within my mind that says why I feel this way, yet I merely feel this way. My mind seems to wander over through everything, like something in it is lost without it knowing what is lost. I can not find any reason for me to be this way, yet here I am, stuck in this state of suspension between reality and unknowing. Perhaps my Grandmother's death has taken a greater toll on me than I'd admit and now, this loss drives me forward for some reason I do not understand. There is something I have either forgotten or neglected to do, out of either pride or ignorance, yet I do not know what it is. I have an idea as to what it could be. Despite the fact that I attended my Grandmother's funeral, I did not say goodbye to her in a fashion that I find appropriate. So far, all the clues have pointed towards this. In the back of my mind, I looked for her at the funeral and the Wake, but I knew in the front of my mind that she wouldn't be there, yet I kept looking. This could be it, but there could still be more that I am simply overlooking.
I dunno, maybe I just need a break from it all for a while, get my head back in order, I've had far to much to think about lately. Things aren't easy, which is a pity.... At least I'm not doing as many hours at work as before, I'll be down to 30 starting next week, which is good because that will allow me more time to focus on the important things, like my health and maybe, I can solve this problem I am having. I wish my inner horse would give me a couple of nudges in the right direction.
You know in Anime movies where the hero is standing atop a mountain peak, gazing off into the distance as the wind ruffles their clothes and they're in some deep reflection about life and something else? Well I currently feel like that. For some weird reason currently beyond any scope of measure, I do not feel even remotely like myself, like something in me is driving me towards a point I do not know yet. I can't seem to find any reason within my mind that says why I feel this way, yet I merely feel this way. My mind seems to wander over through everything, like something in it is lost without it knowing what is lost. I can not find any reason for me to be this way, yet here I am, stuck in this state of suspension between reality and unknowing. Perhaps my Grandmother's death has taken a greater toll on me than I'd admit and now, this loss drives me forward for some reason I do not understand. There is something I have either forgotten or neglected to do, out of either pride or ignorance, yet I do not know what it is. I have an idea as to what it could be. Despite the fact that I attended my Grandmother's funeral, I did not say goodbye to her in a fashion that I find appropriate. So far, all the clues have pointed towards this. In the back of my mind, I looked for her at the funeral and the Wake, but I knew in the front of my mind that she wouldn't be there, yet I kept looking. This could be it, but there could still be more that I am simply overlooking.
I dunno, maybe I just need a break from it all for a while, get my head back in order, I've had far to much to think about lately. Things aren't easy, which is a pity.... At least I'm not doing as many hours at work as before, I'll be down to 30 starting next week, which is good because that will allow me more time to focus on the important things, like my health and maybe, I can solve this problem I am having. I wish my inner horse would give me a couple of nudges in the right direction.