Oct 15, 2006 17:32
I am here at the college Library with Rene, and she has just bought me a present! I now have my very own copy of Mushrooms Demystified. I guess I still need to go to Portland again... I dunno if I'll have time before Hallowe'en.
Life is not so bad. I'm working hard and keeping busy. Reading Chuck P's Diary.
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I've recently reaffirmed my believe that despite my emotional needs I need to stay away from the farm. Not because of the head lice or that crush I had on you but because I feel like energy is poison. Sugar is sweet but diabetes is deadly. Ken himself worries me on multiple levels and every time I talk to Cody he seems cold and bitter. Their energy poisons mine and continues to spread and I can't be a part of that. I try to bring good things with me to the farm but end up leaving devistated.
You pissed me off today but I care about you and don't like to see you like this. The day before the halloween party I waited around my apartment for you to show up like you said you would knowing days in advance that you wouldn't. Don't feel bad, I'm glad you didn't because I probably would have said something stupid that made me feel horrible like I did the next day at that party. I didn't shave the hair off for the lice. I need a new chapter in my life and my good friend, illusion, is dead to me now.
You're always welcome here, so is everyone else of the farm and I truely believe that they can clense themselves of their habitual nonesense in this place. Ken for example might do himself a world of good just dropping by for a smoothie. This is my home, I don't have to feel humble here as long as the smell isn't terrible.
for christ sake, don't ever let me get away with shit like that. I'll do you the favor of letting you call me on my bullshit and respect that it is not my place to call you on yours. You might have to remind me but it will put me in my place.
peace and freedom
Balin
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