Gripes and mutterings... rambling really
When did going to work everyday just start to feel like you were only doing so to continue on to the next day? And when did everything get to the point of.. well numbness? I have gotten to a point where I do not know if I care anymore about certain things. And no, this is not a depression; not any way, shape, or form a cry for help. More just slowly realizing how very lonely it is to live alone. Being a cat lady with four cats can only fill that so much. I have realized that i have been trying to fill up the need for being around people with stuff. Yes, the next step is to start going through all of it and getting rid of it before I start actually acquiring more than I have space for.
Part of it, I am almost certain, is a complete lack of interest in the retail job. I love working the other one, I love the boy I work with, yet at the same time I second guess myself all the time. Am I really doing what is right by him? Then there is the retail job, would never call it a career. I feel like I am at a crossroads and have no idea where to go next. Second guessing everything I feel like I want to do and deciding against it later on. Perhaps I just push myself away from things because when I get down to it, I believe I am afraid of falling flat on my face and coming out a complete failure. I would like to say that I have tried to take the hard road just to see where it leads, but I do not like stepping into anything blind.
Part of it, I am almost certain, is a complete lack of interest in the retail job. I love working the other one, I love the boy I work with, yet at the same time I second guess myself all the time. Am I really doing what is right by him? Then there is the retail job, would never call it a career. I feel like I am at a crossroads and have no idea where to go next. Second guessing everything I feel like I want to do and deciding against it later on. Perhaps I just push myself away from things because when I get down to it, I believe I am afraid of falling flat on my face and coming out a complete failure. I would like to say that I have tried to take the hard road just to see where it leads, but I do not like stepping into anything blind.