msp blog
"You know, I may not have had sex, but I can fuck you up!"
So I went to the hospital today. :( I'd been having these really bad chest pains since yesterday morning and last night I couldn't even help myself into bed because it hurt so bad. After debating like crazy about whether or not to go to the Emergency room, my sister made the choice for me and I left work today to go down there. Thank God for family because otherwise I guess I'd have just sat at work in pain.
Anyway, an ekg and a super cute doctor later, it turns out it is something called "costochondritis" or basically chest wall pain due to an inflammation of the cartilage joining the ribs to the breastbone.
"Although the exact cause for costochondritis is not known, it often occurs during times of emotional stress." sigh.
While I could pinpoint an exact issue that occured over the past week and a half and blame that, I know that it's something that's been building up over the last year. Feeling like this all the time. I feel like I had so much hope in me after everything fell apart last October and it's now almost a year later and everything is so different. I moved here thinking that life was going to magically get better and in this short time I've lost almost all of the only things that I truly care about: my friends. Meech- my twin, Shatryce - my partner in crime, D - my soulmate, S- my rock, Al, who came and touched my life in such a short period of time and then left just as soon, and someone else who I can't even bring myself to type about. I just don't know what to do anymore. I can keep telling myself that it's for the best and I'm weeding out the past and looking forward, but foward just seems so damn lonely these days. I'm so tired of fighting all the time and being angry all the time in my own home.
"Don't waste your time on someone who isn't willing to waste your time on you." My new friend Eric might think I stole this from him, but Robyn will know that she said it to me at the Brimmer when we were talking and it has been rolling around in my mind ever since.
I don't know where I'm going with this really...I'm rambling.
I'm just so tired and I'm ready for the happy parts to start. One more week until I'm with my Monkey and the missing part of me is back, like a puzzle piece.
11 more days until motherfucking TOOL. That's definitely some good news.
"The changes in our life must come from the impossibility to live otherwise than according to the demands of our conscience not from our mental resolution to try a new form of life."
-Leo Tolstoy