Unhappiness Like I have never know before
wow . . . that's all I can say is wow. I knew in my heart since Monday came and went without hearing from you that I wasn't what you wanted. It's just frustrating, you know. I just don't understand. We talked everyday and then, nothing. More times that not, I lay EVERYTHING out on the line at the beginning. I tell them what I'm looking for, how I expect to be treated, and how I will treat you and yet, it has happened again. The one thing I trusted to tell you that breaks my heart into millions of little pieces and you do that very thing. I don't blame you, really. This one was entirely my fault. I knew from the beginning that I wasn't going to make you happy. You were kind but you had that look in your eyes. That "I might could settle for you" look. I keep telling myself that I refuse to let my lonliness get in the way of my better judgement, but these are hollow words. Yes, this one hurts a great deal but I can't decide what hurts worse. The confirmation that I'm not what you want or the fact that I have to know face everyone I've raved about you. That wonderfully awkward moment when they say, "So, how are you and Billy doing" and I just have to stand there and try to not let my bottom lip quiver. It's just so damn embarassing that, for my friends who have know me for years, that this is not something new. Especially as I grow older, and most of my friends are now married and look upon me with a "better luck next time, kid" look. These situations do nothing but remind me that I am nothing more than a child.
P.S. Yes, the post is about you, but you already knew that. Goodbye.
P.S. Yes, the post is about you, but you already knew that. Goodbye.