Don't beat yourself up for not knowing the answers. You don't always have to know who you are.
vimzero was right. I beat myself up, not just for my recent job loss but pretty much anything bad that happens to me. I realize on a conscious level that I'm not responsible for everything bad that happens to me. In fact, the most recent event was clear. I lost my job because my supervisor was a gossip. God probably put me in that position so that I could do them a favor and reveal the person creating the anti-therapeutic drama. No one asked me about the rumors and I got fired before I could defend myself.... but OH did I defend myself. So, my supervisor got fired last week because everything I told them was true. I should feel vindicated.
But I feel like a failure, as always. I was ashamed to tell anyone about this event. So I only told my closest friends.
The reason I feel like a failure goes way back to childhood, which I will spare you from. The past year hasn't helped. The job before this one my hours slowly decreased because I made my boss feel inferior. She was incompetent. I solved problems before she even knew about them. Her mother was my hiring manager which didn't help at all.
The job before that I was also let go from, not because I did anything in particular, but because they had to let two people go. The other person they let go was completely incompetent. She left suicidal people alone for hours. I'm not sure why they let me go, but from past experience it was probably because I was least liked. I had knee problems also and wore a brace to work. I did my best to do my rounds but at times I needed help. They asked the other girl to come back, which totally made me feel like shit because she was so stupid.
Granted, the reason they didn't ask me to come back is because I had unpaid wages I was fighting for. They promoted me right before they let me go and refused to pay the raise I was owed.
Anyway, now I have food poisoning and 0 interviews lined up. Fuck. My. Life.
"You were meant to live for so much more. Have we lost ourselves?" -Switchfoot
But I feel like a failure, as always. I was ashamed to tell anyone about this event. So I only told my closest friends.
The reason I feel like a failure goes way back to childhood, which I will spare you from. The past year hasn't helped. The job before this one my hours slowly decreased because I made my boss feel inferior. She was incompetent. I solved problems before she even knew about them. Her mother was my hiring manager which didn't help at all.
The job before that I was also let go from, not because I did anything in particular, but because they had to let two people go. The other person they let go was completely incompetent. She left suicidal people alone for hours. I'm not sure why they let me go, but from past experience it was probably because I was least liked. I had knee problems also and wore a brace to work. I did my best to do my rounds but at times I needed help. They asked the other girl to come back, which totally made me feel like shit because she was so stupid.
Granted, the reason they didn't ask me to come back is because I had unpaid wages I was fighting for. They promoted me right before they let me go and refused to pay the raise I was owed.
Anyway, now I have food poisoning and 0 interviews lined up. Fuck. My. Life.
"You were meant to live for so much more. Have we lost ourselves?" -Switchfoot