A Letter to My Sister
I offered to let my niece and nephew stay with me for the summer (or a week, a weekend, any amount of time) but she refuses to let them come. After excuse after excuse she finally admits that she doesn't trust me. I honestly don't know what reason she would have not to trust me, as I've been a nanny for 8 years and now a mental health counselor for two. Needless to say, nothing bad has ever happened with her kids, or anyone else's kids under my care. Our relationship is terrible at best, but at least we're on speaking terms.
Dear Rachael,
I only wish that our children can have a better relationship with their family than we did. I'm not sure why you insist on keeping me away from my niece and nephew but I only hope you would take the time to get to know me and see that I'm a great person and do anything for those close to me. I just want things to get better. I try, but you keep pushing me away. There comes a point when I won't try anymore and leave you alone, as you seemingly want to be. Family are those who were there for you when you needed them the most, regardless of relation. I'm glad I am where I am now so that I can see how family are supposed to treat each other. I hope you can realize this before it's too late. So many have turned their backs on you because of how they were treated. Don't force me to be one more.
I want things to get better and I don't mean this with any disrespect, but I think you should print these conversations in their entirety and show them to your therapist. Perhaps he/she can give you some insight on what to do and how to better interact with me. You need someone objective to help you understand what's going on, because I'm not sure you really know what's bothering you so much about me.
Also I realize it's hard for you to relate to other people and often have unexplainable moods because you are bi-polar. I just want you to know that from now on, I will respond to you only when you are being positive, on your medication, and working towards forming a better bond with me and your children.
Often you see yourself as being "cordial" when in reality you are making an underhanded comment to push my buttons and get me to be angry with you, under a guise of fakeness. I will no longer play this game and I will not tolerate any more verbal or physical abuse from you. However, I will do what it takes to mend our relationship. The first step is setting boundaries which are outlined above.
I understand the difference between your illness and your self. Your self is trying to work things out but your illness is telling you that I am someone I'm not. Please take the time to get to know me because you honestly don't know much about my personality. All you know is who I was when I was a child, and not who I am as an adult. You can formulate assumptions but you haven't been in my home to know how I live, you haven't spent a day with me to know my routine, and you haven't spoken to anyone who's been around me in the past 10 years to gauge what kind of people I associate myself with.
This is how I live.:
I've been a nanny for so long because I'm GREAT with children and am trustworthy enough for people to let me care for their children, in their home, unsupervised. Although sometimes I'm scraping to get by, I pay my bills on time and there is always food in the house. We do not eat out very often and I cook almost everyday. My home is clean and I wake up every morning before 10am and clean house, run errands, pay bills, work, cook dinner, and I get in bed before 11pm. On weekends I go to Long Island and spend time with family. I rarely drink and I don't smoke or do drugs. I'm a safe driver and try to go out with friends at least once a month. I meditate. I have a quiet house and don't watch tv or play video games often. I have an acre of vegetable garden I've planted myself which I work on daily and I may watch tv an hour a day or play wow once or twice a week. I meditate and practice mindfulness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness_%28psychology%29)
My friends describe me as a funny, caring, and loyal person and I babysit their children often. I've never stolen anything. I've never hit anyone that didn't hit me first. I'm open to feedback and make everyday a mission to become a better person than I was the day before.
Please be aware that when I speak to you, I am not attacking you. I want to help you get better and be a better person. I want you to realize the life that God has planned for you. You are not a victim of what's happened to you, but a student. It's easy to be a victim and think everyone is out to get you. It's hard to realize that the only one out to get you is yourself.
Once you've made peace with yourself you can make peace with those around you. Until the internal conflict is resolved there is no use to try to make amends with anyone else. At some point it's possible to realize that there is no need for argument, only compassion and understanding. All disagreements can be resolved through understanding.
When one stops trying to understand another, or fails to care about the other person, communication becomes disagreeable.
Dear Rachael,
I only wish that our children can have a better relationship with their family than we did. I'm not sure why you insist on keeping me away from my niece and nephew but I only hope you would take the time to get to know me and see that I'm a great person and do anything for those close to me. I just want things to get better. I try, but you keep pushing me away. There comes a point when I won't try anymore and leave you alone, as you seemingly want to be. Family are those who were there for you when you needed them the most, regardless of relation. I'm glad I am where I am now so that I can see how family are supposed to treat each other. I hope you can realize this before it's too late. So many have turned their backs on you because of how they were treated. Don't force me to be one more.
I want things to get better and I don't mean this with any disrespect, but I think you should print these conversations in their entirety and show them to your therapist. Perhaps he/she can give you some insight on what to do and how to better interact with me. You need someone objective to help you understand what's going on, because I'm not sure you really know what's bothering you so much about me.
Also I realize it's hard for you to relate to other people and often have unexplainable moods because you are bi-polar. I just want you to know that from now on, I will respond to you only when you are being positive, on your medication, and working towards forming a better bond with me and your children.
Often you see yourself as being "cordial" when in reality you are making an underhanded comment to push my buttons and get me to be angry with you, under a guise of fakeness. I will no longer play this game and I will not tolerate any more verbal or physical abuse from you. However, I will do what it takes to mend our relationship. The first step is setting boundaries which are outlined above.
I understand the difference between your illness and your self. Your self is trying to work things out but your illness is telling you that I am someone I'm not. Please take the time to get to know me because you honestly don't know much about my personality. All you know is who I was when I was a child, and not who I am as an adult. You can formulate assumptions but you haven't been in my home to know how I live, you haven't spent a day with me to know my routine, and you haven't spoken to anyone who's been around me in the past 10 years to gauge what kind of people I associate myself with.
This is how I live.:
I've been a nanny for so long because I'm GREAT with children and am trustworthy enough for people to let me care for their children, in their home, unsupervised. Although sometimes I'm scraping to get by, I pay my bills on time and there is always food in the house. We do not eat out very often and I cook almost everyday. My home is clean and I wake up every morning before 10am and clean house, run errands, pay bills, work, cook dinner, and I get in bed before 11pm. On weekends I go to Long Island and spend time with family. I rarely drink and I don't smoke or do drugs. I'm a safe driver and try to go out with friends at least once a month. I meditate. I have a quiet house and don't watch tv or play video games often. I have an acre of vegetable garden I've planted myself which I work on daily and I may watch tv an hour a day or play wow once or twice a week. I meditate and practice mindfulness (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Mindfulness_%28psychology%29)
My friends describe me as a funny, caring, and loyal person and I babysit their children often. I've never stolen anything. I've never hit anyone that didn't hit me first. I'm open to feedback and make everyday a mission to become a better person than I was the day before.
Please be aware that when I speak to you, I am not attacking you. I want to help you get better and be a better person. I want you to realize the life that God has planned for you. You are not a victim of what's happened to you, but a student. It's easy to be a victim and think everyone is out to get you. It's hard to realize that the only one out to get you is yourself.
Once you've made peace with yourself you can make peace with those around you. Until the internal conflict is resolved there is no use to try to make amends with anyone else. At some point it's possible to realize that there is no need for argument, only compassion and understanding. All disagreements can be resolved through understanding.
When one stops trying to understand another, or fails to care about the other person, communication becomes disagreeable.