100th entry, WOO WOO!!!

[avacadoduck]

i have to admit i am feeling a tinge of jealousy towards kristina and russell and their ability to be not 800 miles away from each other.  i miss Alaina very very much.  who ever said long distance relationships were tough wasnt kidding.  not because im afraid im gonna find someone else whos closer and im gonna want to go and cheat or anything like that, just more cause i get really jealous of the fact that other people are able to call their significant other whenever they want or drive over and see them at work or spend the night at their house or any of the little things that couples take for granted because they get to be around eachother so much.  distance makes the heart grow fonder, right?  right.  i dunno if i can get any fonder of alaina though.  my fondness is spilling over into slight frusration at not being able to express said fondness.  i mean... i guess it really does make the time we spend together that much more enjoyable.... things are so incredibly amazing when we are together.  not to say they arent when we are apart because as much as i dont like being apart from her as much as i am i still think that we are doing a pretty damned good job at dealing with the hand we've been dealt.  if the visits could just be more like... every other month even, instead of sometimes only twice a year.  that would be awesome.  i guess thats why im really going to school and everything though, right?  so i can get monies together and find out how well we work when we do only live really close to eachother... and we can do all those little things couples go.  i really truly feel she's the person i want to spend the rest of my life with.  it's weird.  like... whenever i ask myself where i see myself ideally in 5 or 10 or 20 or 40 years, every single scenario has Alaina there with me.  i cant imagine being so completely open and honest with someone else.  i've never met another girl whos so willing to look at penis piercings randomly with me, or to be completely open about sexual fantasies with, or who will browse girls underwear and ask me what my preference is, or be as content as i am at watching jerry springer at 9 in the morning in bed while eating toast, or who isnt weirded out when i squish my subway sandwich in my hand as hard as i can and get mayonaisse and mustard al over it, or someone who is so willing to kiss me with my morning breath, or someone who finds the phrase Hoof Hearted so funny, or someone who has so many inside jokes with me,or someone who finds so much enjoyment at blowing into opposite ends of a straw with me.  and really i dont want anyone else who will do those things.  if somehow things didnt work out in the end between us i dont know at all what id do because all those little things would just make me think of Alaina.  anyways... i know this was all big one ramble.  but it was on my mind.

alaina, i love you very very very very very very very much.

My Recommended Movie For Today is: What's Eating Gilbert Grape?