very long Disney post
Well, it is necessary to vomit all the feelings I am having about Disney right now. For the longest time, I had always believed that Disney was overrated, that it taught girls that happiness is marriage, and that it gave all kids unrealistic views of what life is. I just re-watched some of the movies that I watched as a kid, and dammit, I loved every moment of (almost) every one!
The Little Mermaid.
Okay, so I know that this is considered an anti-feminist movie, but as much I believe in gender equality and universal freedom, I really cannot bring myself to hate the movie. In fact, I really loved it. Ariel was so cute and sweet and exciting! Her friendship with Flounder was probably the cutest one I have ever seen - timid little boy that hung out with the headstrong adventurous girl whose personality was as fiery as her hair. Dammit, I want a friend like Flounder!
Okay, so Ariel is usually bashed for being a bitch, a brat, an anti-feminist, an idiot, and an ungrateful daughter. I only agree with the last two statements. Ariel was not a bitch. She obviously cared about Flounder, and I don't know of any bitch who would save a man from a burning ship. As for being a brat, I do agree that people should just be satisfied with what they have, but I really admired Ariel's intuitive search for adventure and just diving headlong into achieving what she really wanted -- to be human (I refuse to believe that Ariel only became human to win over her man). I don't understand why she would want to be human, because honestly, being a mermaid seems so much cooler to me.
Now, anti-feminist. I can see why people believe that-I believed it the first time I watched the movie. Ariel sold her voice (and soul, if you think about it) for a pair of legs and the only way she could live happily ever after was to get a man; on top of that, she got married at the age of sixteen! But I am proud to say that I am a feminist who advocates for female strength and gender equality, not the complete fall of man and everything associated with males. And I am also proud to say that, despite being more on the lesbian side of the spectrum, Prince Eric was definitely worth fighting for. Weird coming from me, but Prince Eric was genuinely a nice guy who reminded me of my guy friends. He didn’t fall in love with just any girl, he was not a jerk, he was also a big dreamer, he didn’t hesitate to go after Ariel when she was in trouble, and most importantly, he went back for Max when his ship caught on fire and almost died for him. Any man who is willing to risk his life for his dog is a man worth fighting for, so Ariel, I commend you for your very good taste in men.
Okay, as for the "stupid" statement, I have to agree to some extent. She had no idea what she was getting into-Scuttle was probably the worst Human World Adviser there was, and making a deal with Ursula wasn't really bright-and for that I do believe that she had less than average intelligence. However, the fact that she just went for it was admirable, especially since there was next to no chance she would be able to succeed.
And now, the biggest one: ungrateful daughter. Ariel, you almost made me hate you when you decided to just sign Ursula's papers without thinking about your dad's feelings. Not cool! King Triton reminds me so much of my dad (kind, strict, caring and all), and the fact that she just disregarded him made me so mad. Then again, he did destroy everything Ariel collected in her grove, and if my dad came along and deleted all of my iTunes songs or trashed my computer or killed my dog “to get through to me”, I would probably hate him for a while too. Still, that is no reason to treat one’s parents like that. King Triton did what he thought was best, and it is obvious he loved all of his daughters with everything he had. I would never think twice about doing anything that would break my father’s heart, and I sincerely believe that Ariel should have done the same.
But all in all, I loved Ariel. I loved her adventurous persona, her passion, her capriciousness. I also loved her voice, and because of her voice I have the movie's soundtrack on my iPod; I especially like her voice in Part Of Your World (Reprise)-one of the most magical moments of Disney ever. I was never much of a singer despite my perfect pitch, but listening to her makes me wish that I was. But then again, take into account that I love every song in this movie. Yes, even Poor Unfortunate Souls, and that’s saying something because I usually hate Bad Guy Songs in general. Also, the line Darling, it’s better / Down where it’s wetter in Under The Sea always cracks me up. However, I loved Part Of Your World the most (as do most people, I assume) because of all the hope and longing that Ariel expresses. I loved the fact that she dreamed big, and that she described herself as one of the Bright young women, sick of swimming / Ready to stand. She was tired of having things laid out for her, and thus she would have done anything to grab the reigns and pave her own path. Most of all, I loved how Ariel was so brave to just give up everything for something she really wanted-a life as a human. Though I am still reluctant about giving up her whole life to go after a guy she hardly knew, I have to remind myself that the men in the other Disney movies (Tarzan, the Beast, and Aladdin, for example) were willing to change everything about themselves in order to be with the girl they loved, too. I hate this double standard where if a man does this, it’s considered sweet, while if a woman does it, it’s considered stupid. If a girl like Ariel gave up her whole life just to spend a day with me, I would fucking love her more than anything I know.
So Ariel, as much as I disapprove of how you treated your father and your decision to give up your life for something you are not necessarily going to achieve, I love you and wish that I can meet a girl like you.
Personal enjoyment: 10/10
Feminist-pro: 8.5/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 9/10
Inspiration: 9/10
Music: 9/10
Beauty And The Beast
I found this film less inspiring than The Little Mermaid, even a bit boring. I liked Belle, but I found her bland in a sense. Sure, she loved reading, she wanted more than just being the “little wife” of that asshole Gaston, and she loved her father enough to give up her freedom for his. I just couldn’t fall in love with her like I did with Ariel. I think it is because I love reckless girls who speak their minds and follow the motto “do first, think later”. Belle was just not adventurous enough, I guess.
For that reason, I liked the Beast better. He had a short temper, bad table manners, and no patience at all, and that honestly reminded me so much of myself that it was freaky. I found it a little bit disheartening that he changed his ways for Belle. I mean, of course you can’t let your short temper get the best of you, but to get rid of it completely is like getting rid of a part of one’s personality. As for table manners, well, fine, that can change, but it made me sad because I thought the way the Beast ate was cute, not disgusting. I personally cannot eat anything without chopsticks, and have gotten weird looks from my peers for eating spaghetti with my own pair of chopsticks. I can’t help it-forks make me nervous and I drop everything I try to eat with them. And his patience? Well, what the hell, patience is a virtue. Fine. I also really liked his transformation scene. I mean, I don’t think that he was particularly attractive as a human, but I always had a soft spot for men with long hair.
My favourite characters in this were Lumiere, Featherduster, and Mrs. Potts. Lumiere is typical: he’s kind, charming, rebellious in the sense that he does what he thinks is right and not what his master wants. Besides, he has a very hot French accent, and when I was younger I was obsessed with his eyebrows. I also loved how he went to Featherduster’s rescue when she was being mauled by one of the mob people. Featherduster is also my favourite because of her voice. We don’t see much screen time of her, but I love the way she giggles and screams and dusts everything. Also, she is hot as a human-she looks exactly like my dream girl except too thin. And oh, Mrs. Potts, she reminds me of the mother I wished I had when I was younger. My mom was super strict and she hardly ever spent that much time with me until I turned six. I love her more than anything, and I know now that she was so harsh on me because she knew that I was strong enough to use it as motivation to work harder. I cannot be more grateful to my mom. But seriously, when I was five and when I first watched the movie, Mrs. Potts was somebody who I wished would take care of me and kiss me goodnight.
And I hate Gaston so much, I need to write a paragraph about him. He is probably the epitome of jerk in the English lexicon. He is cocky, manipulative, and the second I saw him I wanted to kick his motherfucking ass. Not only does he treat Belle like property, he actually expected that Belle would be grateful to be his “little wife” who took care of six or seven little boys and massaged his shoulders every night. EW NO. On top of that, he is a coward who begged for his life, and after being shown mercy pulled a sneak attack on the Beast when the poor thing wasn’t looking. I don’t understand why people think he was the kind of villain who didn’t deserve to die; I think he fucking got what he deserved, and I whooped when he fell from the roof. Asshole.
Reasons to bash Beauty And The Beast: it promotes bestiality and abusive relationships. I’ll start with the first statement, because the first time I heard this I was like really, people? How could it promote bestiality? The Beast is a fucking prince, and sure he looks like the Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes with goat horns, but he is technically human. (If anything promotes bestiality, it would be The Lion King because dammit, Nala is fucking hot, ahem, moving on). Promoting abusive relationship may be a problem. However, in the movie, the Beast never physically hurts Belle. He only yells and throws stuff and loses his temper. My mom yells and throws stuff and loses her temper with my dad, and I think that they have the best marriage ever. Besides, he did mend his ways in the end, didn’t he?
So although I couldn’t fall in love with Belle as much as I wanted to, I fell in love with Featherduster. Wow.
Personal enjoyment: 7.5/10
Feminist-pro: 9/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 8/10
Inspiration: 7/10
Music: 7/10
Tarzan
Holy shit, I can’t believe I used to hate this one. It is genius. I think what turned me off at first was the amount of time Tarzan himself was half-naked. I mean, um, ew. Even back then I was not really interested in the male physique. Plus, both Kerchak and Clayton were absolute assholes. Kerchak was xenophobic, and though he had a reason to be, Tarzan was a fucking baby and later kid. He needed to fucking kill a leopardess in order to be accepted, like what the fuck! That is so not cool, Kerchak! Then there is Clayton, who honestly does not need any explanation of how fucked up his actions were.
Wait, no, fuck that, he deserves a good old-fashioned bashing, too. Three reasons why I disliked this character. The first and most important reason: he shot anything and everything. Guns are weapons, and as much as I have nothing against guns and in fact would love to be able to use and own one, Clayton totally abused the thing! I would expect that gun owners are a bit more responsible, you know, especially when they are voluntarily holding an object that can steal some poor thing’s life. I am completely against hunting and extracting animals from their natural habitats, especially if it is for sport, and the only reason why I am enthusiastic about guns is for protection purposes. I have some martial arts training because I want to be able to defend myself when things beyond my control start to happen-a gun would be useful if I want to scare a rapist off, for example, not to shoot at anything that fucking moved! Two, Clayton acted all high and mighty all the damn time. And three, fuck it, his eyes freaked me out when I was a kid.
Okay, onto lighter topics. Tarzan’s biological mother is beautiful. I am not going to lie, she has the most beautiful facial features I have ever seen on a non-anime cartoon, and I loved her red hair. She actually looked like a redhead Amber Heard, which is probably the hugest compliment I could give a non-anime cartoon because honestly? Amber Heard? Unf. Not to mention the fact that she was not the typical damsel in distress. It is shown that while her husband lowered the lifeboat from a burning ship (my god, Disney, what is with your obsession with burning ships?), she did not cower or freak out or anything like that. She only cared for her baby and her husband’s safety, as shown when said husband jumped off the ship and she played her part in hauling him onto the lifeboat. Then, after being shipwrecked, she built her equal share of the tree house instead of letting her husband do all of the manly construction work and shit. And most importantly, she died with her husband in an attempt to save their baby from Sabor, sacrificing everything she had. I want a girlfriend like that-strong, brave, beautiful, caring, adventurous.
Next girl to flail about: Jane Porter. First and foremost, she is adorable! Her first appearance makes me laugh every damn time:
“Daddy, ow, ow, Daddy, what is all the hullabaloo about? [bamboo shoots recoil] Ahhh!”
Also her banter with the baby monkey she drew early in the movie made me laugh:
“Oh, look, bananas!”
I loved how Jane went from the conventional damsel in distress to a perfectly competent woman who can survive in the jungle. She grew up in fucking London, and everybody knows that those who grew up in London remain absolute wusses for the rest of their lives (this is a joke, for those who do not realize it, but you get the point I’m trying to make). She also has a very unique voice, which I equate to a mix between a librarian and an opera singer. I found that her voice was very expressive, and it never sounded forced or boring, so kudos to her voice actress. I also found Jane to be extraordinarily adventurous. She ventured out by herself to draw the animals she encountered and she was brave enough to follow Tarzan around when he decided to take her out on outings. It is also seen that she is probably the most logical and intelligent person in the film (the exception being Kala, in my opinion), seen with the fact that she was the only one who could talk some sense into Clayton. Moreover, she must have had the patience of a saint in order to teach a full-grown man like Tarzan to read! Not only that, she decides to stay with Tarzan at the end and learn to live life as Queen Of The Jungle. The only thing I had to wonder was how the fuck she walked around the jungle wearing her fucking huge yellow dress.
And now, my ultimate favourite character, Terk! As a kid, she was my favourite character just because she was a tomboy. Enough said. No words can express how awesome I think Terk is.
What I like best about Tarzan is the fact that he is loyal to his gorilla mother Kala. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Kala is probably the best mother ever, and I remember as a little girl that I wished my mother was as kind and caring as Kala. Tarzan loves her, and because of that I respect him so much more-we don’t see that many men today who are willing to talk about their mothers or treat them with so much love in front of others. I also loved Tarzan because he was just so honest. It was obvious that he loved Jane, and that scene where he learned that presenting flowers was a foolproof way of winning a girl’s heart (“Jane must stay with Tarzan!”) was adorable. Oh, and by the way, he was willing to put on a suit and tie and shoes to go back to London with her! Any guy who does that knows what love and sacrifice is about, because I would have to love a girl a lot to be willing to wear a corset and high heels for her.
My favourite scene in the whole movie was the part where Phil Collin’s Son Of Man was playing (currently my favourite personal happy song) and Tarzan was trying to become the “best ape ever”. That one moment where Tantor throws adolescent Tarzan up in the air where he becomes a full-grown young man was probably the best turning points I have ever seen in a Disney movie. With hard work and perseverance, he went from being the “hairless wonder” of the pack to one of the most powerful and agile jungle animals ever. Fucking hell, he was so boss, he swung from vines, okay? Nothing trumps swinging from vines!
Last but not least, I have to admit that I think Tarzan is really hot. I mean, I’m still not so much into the half-nakedness (though I really appreciated Jane’s outfit in the end), but again, I have a soft spot for men with longer hair. Except unlike with the Beast, I think I appreciated Tarzan’s open honesty and not just his hair. I also think that is why I appreciate characters like Ariel and Jane and Tarzan: they are just so fucking honest with everything. How do you live in the world like that without dying young and heartbroken? You don’t, right? Which is why I guess I loved the characters even more.
Personal enjoyment: 9.5/10
Feminist-pro: 8.5/10
Characters: 9/10
Positive impact: 10/10
Inspiration: 10/10
Music: 10/10
Hercules
The muses! I admit, I watched this movie because I loved and still love the muses! My favourite when I was younger was the fattest one because she had the most spunk. I loved the fact that she was just as good-looking as the others, and had even more spirit. She is like my dream girl in terms of personality-spunky, sassy, feisty-except she is clearly heterosexual (“Honey, you mean Hunkules!”). Sigh. Now, pretty much ten years later, I find myself loving the leader of the Muses, mostly because of her voice and the proper way she holds herself. Plus, the idea of making the muses look the way they look proves that being curvy and healthy-looking can be just as or even more beautiful than being stick thin. I mean, honestly, her thighs actually look proportional to her body for once (her waist is another matter, but baby steps). And to be even more honest, all of them look hotter than all of the skinny princesses!
And then, there is Megara, who I have a soft spot for. She is witty, sarcastic, and independent, and throughout the film I pretended that she was a closet lesbian. Try as I might, however, I could not fall in love with her for some strange reason. Perhaps it was her almost too sarcastic demeanour. Perhaps it was the fact that she fell apart so much after being hurt by her asshole boyfriend. I think that it was mostly because of the fact that she seemed strong on the outside but weak inside and thus was not completely honest. I mean, I admire her ability of sacrifice-she gave up her whole life just to bring her dead boyfriend back to life only to have her heart broken when he ran off with another girl (ugh what a douche!). But I could not help but feel a huge connection with her in the sense that she put up a very thick protection shield between her and the world. I hate that part of me, really. I hate the fact that I feel the need to protect myself from the outside world just because of something that is built into me. So the fact that I see something like this in Meg makes me sympathize, not love.
(To be fair, however, I love the song I Won’t Say (I’m In Love). I don’t particularly love the voice of Meg’s voice actress, but I love the melody and the fact that the muses are backup vocals! Dude, if I ever sing a solo, I want the muses to be my backup! That would be fucking awesome!)
On the other hand, I found Hercules adorable. Even without the long hair that I find myself loving on men, I really loved his honesty and naivety when it came to something like love. He was also very dorky when he first met Meg, and though I could never see myself falling for a guy like that, I did think that it was cute. It reminded me of how I act in front of my girl crushes (I tend to act shy around girls, while I act spunky and confident around boys). And he was so cute after that date with Meg, with him swinging around the poles and stuff.
Now, when talking about Disney’s Hercules, you have to have a paragraph about Hades. Hilarity in Hell incarnate. I loved his witty remarks and the way he turns red whenever he gets mad, sometimes only for a millisecond. There are gifs of him on the internet, and they are hilarious. However, the face he makes when he realizes that Hercules’s weakness was Meg gives me nightmares. I give him an eleven on the ten-point creeper scale.
You know what was funny, though? I read the true story of Hercules, or Heracles as he is originally known, and he actually had four wives in total. The first was Meg, but Zeus’s wife Heras hated him so much she bewitched him into a frenzy which made him kill his wife and children. Then he went on to atone for this sin, yadda yadda yadda, one of his wives was almost raped by a centaur (holy shit, seriously, a centaur?), he is killed by the centaur’s poisoned blood and semen (uh ew!), and so on and so forth. Also, he had sex with a king’s fifty virgin daughters in one night as a “gift”. Holy shit, Greek mythology is absolutely messed up.
What struck me was the fact that Heracles was also bisexual and had countless male lovers. I mean, Heracles! The epitome of virility! This breaks through the stereotypical barrier, doesn’t it? A gay non-sissy, yay! I mean, I totally disagree with the extra-marital affairs and deaths and treating women like property, but this goes a long way in showing that being a man is more than fucking a woman (and in turn, being a woman is more than snagging a man).
Personal enjoyment: 8/10
Feminist-pro: 9/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 9/10
Inspiration: 7/10
Music: 8.5/10
Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World
Fuck you, biased settler! Had to get that out of my system first. But ugh! That asshole settler who calls Pocahontas a savage at the beginning of the film made me so mad. She fucking saved your worthless piece of crap life and that is how you treat her? What an asshole!
Then again, most of the male characters in this whole movie were assholes. I never liked John Smith, for instance. I found him arrogant, bratty, and an all-around narcissist who only cared for himself. Radcliffe was also an asshole, for obvious reasons, of course. What I love about him is that he looks like one of my professors at school who does nothing but talk about deep artsy things like life and love and death-makes me laugh each time I see him on screen.
Now, I hated the fact that they were demeaning women throughout this whole damn movie. When the king said instead of the chief, you brought a-a-a woman!, it really did not sit right with me. Sure, you could argue that the king wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but if that is the case, does that make him worthy of being the fucking king of fucking England? Also take into account that the king was spoiled and ill-mannered and ridiculously narcissist, and he saw nothing wrong with torturing a bear. What the fuck is this blasphemy? I also hated the fact that the queen just fucking sat there and took all his shit. She is obviously more intelligent and capable than the king ever would be, and still it is the king that calls the shots. Honestly, she has more right to handle situations and I would have loved for Disney to have at least given her a chance to publicly outshine the king like she obviously could.
Okay, in the first movie, Pocahontas was so damn noble and dignified that it made me feel like Satan compared to her Jesus (is that the right analogy?). I love how she always has this royalty about her that makes me wonder if she has any weakness at all-even if she does show her vulnerability in front of Grandmother Willow, but that hardly fucking counts in my opinion. She was also filled with hopes and dreams, and wanted the freedom to do what she felt was right.
In this movie, I think a part of me just died when I saw their characterization of her. Not only is she weaker, more vulnerable, and more desperate to prove herself, she became white. The powder! Oh my fucking god, what was Disney thinking? Pocahontas looked ridiculous caked in white powder, and she was actually accepted into the Victorian society through this act of self-denial. Why didn’t she just dye her hair fucking blonde while she was at it?! It was shameful seeing her that way. What does this teach children? It teaches them that brown is bad and wild while white is good and high-class, which is so not cool (I should know this because that was what I got from it when I was younger). What happened to acceptance of all races? Pocahontas actually changed herself just to be accepted into this shitty society-sure, it was “most likely” for the good of her own people, but after that incident my esteem for Pocahontas dropped like a dead weight. Where was her pride? Where was her integrity? Where was her nobility?
One last thing that I must point out: the bear-torturing. It was so painful to watch because I know it happened and I know that atrocious things like this still do happen. I am against animal cruelty and animal testing and things like that, but I do believe that hunting-when done for survival and not for sport-may be the only way some people in this world get food and clothing and shelter. But this scene? It broke my heart. And to top it all off, before this display of absolute cruelty, John Rolfe cried out “she [Pocahontas] wouldn’t understand!” What does that say about Native culture? That they don’t understand why it is okay to torture a bear for entertainment? Fuck you, almost everybody I know doesn’t fucking understand why people do this! Does this imply that only high-class people understand the “comic relief” of seeing a bear get tied down and whipped? Does this imply that Pocahontas and her people are too damn wild to understand the real culture? No, it shows that Pocahontas understands more than any of those Victorian high-class brats do. So fuck you, John Rolfe, fuck you and Radcliffe and the King of England.
Okay, I lied, one more thing. To me, Pocahontas never seemed like the kind of person who would hide her feelings or create any awkward atmosphere with anybody. I thought of her as the epitome of beauty, elegance, nobility, and composed freedom. I did not think of her as the young girl who was too shy to express what she felt. I loved the idea that she was the kind of woman who took things as they were, with no frills and overanalyzing. If she loved John Smith, she loved John Smith. If she did not want to marry Kocuom, she did not want to marry Kocuom. It was simple, it was calm, it was what it was. Not like near the end of this film, where she is seen to be nervous and fidgety while making awkward conversation with John Rolfe that involved them going separate ways before both had an outburst of emotions that implied mutual feelings. The Pocahontas I knew in the first movie did not beat around the bush like that.
I disliked this movie back then, and I still dislike it now. The only aspect of it that I found worth watching was the soundtrack and the beautiful nature scenes. I have always had a soft spot for trees and rivers and waterfalls in Disney movies and just little glimpses of them make a movie worthwhile to me.
Personal enjoyment: 2/10
Feminist-pro: 2/10
Characters: 5/10
Positive impact: 1/10
Inspiration: 1/10
Music: 7.5/10
Lilo And Stitch
Oh my god, I am so embarrassed to say it, but this movie made me cry buckets. Just thinking about some scenes makes me teary.
Lilo is so damn eccentric, and it must have been absolutely devastating for her to lose both her parents out of the blue. I mean the fact that she believed that Pudge the fish controls the weather made me cry-her parents died from a car crash in the pouring rain. She also understood why Stitch was such a fucking nutcase who pushed her around and treated everybody like shit, which is more than most people could say. Until Lilo, I thought that it was impossible to have that much empathy.
It may be wrong for me to say this, but I actually supported Lilo when she bit the bitch redhead. Her parents fucking died because of the weather, and the bitch had the nerve to tell her that her beliefs were stupid? What the fuck! Lilo may be eccentric and weird, but she sure had a lot more decency than those other girls. They had dolls who were pretty and skinny, while Lilo cared for a homemade rag doll named Scrump “who just underwent surgery”. It broke my heart when the girls ran off and Lilo threw her doll to the ground, only to turn around and hug her tight. It just shows that she knows how difficult it is to lose somebody and that she would never do that to other people.
I personally understand how difficult it is to have no friends and not feel like being an integral part of a group. Ever since I remember, I had this phobia of being alone. Whenever I went to school, I had anxiety attacks whenever my best friends did not show up because that meant I had to spend my lunch hours without anybody beside me or do a group project all by myself. And when I started skipping grades, I just inevitably started to lose friends. I was the “new” kid in every class, and it was difficult for me to get out of bed in the mornings to face the isolation I felt in the classroom. And if I ever made new friends, I got too attached, which meant it was even more painful the next year when none of my classes matched up with theirs. I am ashamed to say this, but at the time I was sincerely contemplating on getting a kitchen knife and slitting my own wrist, and the only thing that saved me was the fact that I knew that continuing my studies was going to be worth it in the end. That and the fact that I had always had a knack at keeping my emotional side separate from everything else. “The more you think, the unhappier you are” was my motto back then, and it’s really pathetic but it worked. “Don’t think, just do, and everything will be okay.”
Sadly, I don’t know if I could say the same for Lilo. She had no friends, her parents were dead, Stitch was being an absolute asshole, and she was on the brink of being separated from Nani. How the fuck does a kid like that live through such an ordeal? If she was separated from Nani, she would have almost nothing to live for anymore. At least I knew that skipping grades was a privilege, what about Lilo? Does losing everything she ever loved sound like a privilege? Besides, she seems like the kind of girl who does not have the disadvantage/talent of ignoring her emotional side like I do. She “remembers everybody who leaves.” That puts her in a very grave emotional disadvantage, in my honest opinion. It shows that she thought about them all the time and that she dealt with her emotions headlong. I am not strong enough to do that-I have to push my bad memories away into the farthest corners of my mind, and just thinking about them for a split second can drive me insane. Lilo lives them each and every minute of her life.
I really admire Nani, though. She and Lilo are probably my favourite characters. First off, she is actually normal-looking. She doesn’t have a disproportionate waist and too-thin legs, and still she looks beautiful. I mean, she is not as open and honest as Ariel or Jane, but it is obvious that she is a mature young woman who does her best to care for her little sister and make sure that her family stays together. She is not the kind of girl I would date-I like adventurous young women who are spontaneous and playful and only down-to-earth when needed-because she is just so serious, but I really admire her and wish to be like her. If anything, she should be listed as a Disney princess. Also take into account that she knows that there are more important things than boys, not to say that David was not adorable in every sense of the word. David was fucking pining for her, and though I am certain that she really liked him back she knew that she had to hold off for her and Lilo’s sake. Dating takes a lot of time, after all. I should know, my big sister sometimes spends so much effort in her relationships that I wonder how she gets anything else done.
This movie made me think a lot. If both my parents died right now, I would probably have to drop out of university and forfeit my scholarship. It would break my heart. Going to university was one of the greatest decisions I could have ever made-it made skipping grades all worth it, just like I thought it would-and the fact that I may have to quit due to circumstances beyond my control makes me sick with anguish. Not only that, my big sister still has another year of law school, not to mention the fact that she has to pay off her student loans and find a decent-paying job. If my parents died she would have to take on the responsibility of taking care of me and my little sister, which would suck for all of us (she can’t cook, she hates cleaning, and she has a hot temper that not even my little sister can compete against). We might have to sell our little suburban house and move into a tiny apartment downtown, which would suck since I hate busy cities and cars and traffic lights. And my little sister would have to transfer schools and actually take care of what courses she should take. Not only that, we may have no choice but to sell my dog, and that is something that I do not want to think about. So yes, I pray every single fucking day that my parents are well and healthy, for all of our sakes.
Stitch’s whole characterization made me cry as well. Created for ultimate destruction and mischief, he found it difficult to find a place where he truly belonged. You can tell that he was fucking trying, too, and instead of being rewarded he was the character who was physically abused the most. It broke my heart every time somebody bonked him on the head or whacked him with a tree branch. Stitch’s I’m lost was pitiful. Holy shit, I bawled while watching him walk through the forest with Lilo’s copy of The Ugly Duckling.
Not to say that this movie was all tears and sniffles. My favourite scene would have to be when Stitch made a miniature model of San Francisco in Lilo’s room only to pretend to be fucking Godzilla and destroy everything. I laughed my ass off and replayed it three times before moving on. Also these quotes:
Stitch: Aloha!
Gantu: Ah! You're vile; you're foul; you're flawed!
Stitch: Also cute and fluffy!
Stitch: [in alien language] Ah, Pooama Chicky!
Jumba: Ach! Leave my mother out of this!
[Stitch and Jumba are tossing a jammed up gun back and forth]
Stitch: Merry Christmas.
Jumba: It's not Christmas.
Stitch: Happy Channukah!
Jumba: It's not Channukah!
[Pleakley scoops up Lilo and carries her away from the house]
Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?
Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
Jumba: One potato!
Stitch: Two potato!
Jumba: Three potato!
Stitch: Four!
Jumba: Five potato!
Stitch: Six potato!
Jumba: Seven potato more!
Stitch: My...
Jumba: mother...
Stitch: told...
Jumba: me...
Stitch: you...
Jumba: are...
Stitch: ...the best.
Jumba: Ha! I win!
[gun explodes in his hands]
Genius, I say. Genius.
Personal enjoyment: 9/10
Feminist-pro: 10/10
Characters: 9/10
Positive impact: 10/10
Inspiration: 10/10
Music: 6/10
I can’t believe I swore off all Disney movies when I was ten years old. Sure, some of them are overrated and had ridiculously terrible voice actors, but anything that is related to one’s childhood is something that should be protected and cherished. I am making it a goal to watch all the other Disney movies I watched as a child by the end of the summer. This is gonna be good.
The Little Mermaid.
Okay, so I know that this is considered an anti-feminist movie, but as much I believe in gender equality and universal freedom, I really cannot bring myself to hate the movie. In fact, I really loved it. Ariel was so cute and sweet and exciting! Her friendship with Flounder was probably the cutest one I have ever seen - timid little boy that hung out with the headstrong adventurous girl whose personality was as fiery as her hair. Dammit, I want a friend like Flounder!
Okay, so Ariel is usually bashed for being a bitch, a brat, an anti-feminist, an idiot, and an ungrateful daughter. I only agree with the last two statements. Ariel was not a bitch. She obviously cared about Flounder, and I don't know of any bitch who would save a man from a burning ship. As for being a brat, I do agree that people should just be satisfied with what they have, but I really admired Ariel's intuitive search for adventure and just diving headlong into achieving what she really wanted -- to be human (I refuse to believe that Ariel only became human to win over her man). I don't understand why she would want to be human, because honestly, being a mermaid seems so much cooler to me.
Now, anti-feminist. I can see why people believe that-I believed it the first time I watched the movie. Ariel sold her voice (and soul, if you think about it) for a pair of legs and the only way she could live happily ever after was to get a man; on top of that, she got married at the age of sixteen! But I am proud to say that I am a feminist who advocates for female strength and gender equality, not the complete fall of man and everything associated with males. And I am also proud to say that, despite being more on the lesbian side of the spectrum, Prince Eric was definitely worth fighting for. Weird coming from me, but Prince Eric was genuinely a nice guy who reminded me of my guy friends. He didn’t fall in love with just any girl, he was not a jerk, he was also a big dreamer, he didn’t hesitate to go after Ariel when she was in trouble, and most importantly, he went back for Max when his ship caught on fire and almost died for him. Any man who is willing to risk his life for his dog is a man worth fighting for, so Ariel, I commend you for your very good taste in men.
Okay, as for the "stupid" statement, I have to agree to some extent. She had no idea what she was getting into-Scuttle was probably the worst Human World Adviser there was, and making a deal with Ursula wasn't really bright-and for that I do believe that she had less than average intelligence. However, the fact that she just went for it was admirable, especially since there was next to no chance she would be able to succeed.
And now, the biggest one: ungrateful daughter. Ariel, you almost made me hate you when you decided to just sign Ursula's papers without thinking about your dad's feelings. Not cool! King Triton reminds me so much of my dad (kind, strict, caring and all), and the fact that she just disregarded him made me so mad. Then again, he did destroy everything Ariel collected in her grove, and if my dad came along and deleted all of my iTunes songs or trashed my computer or killed my dog “to get through to me”, I would probably hate him for a while too. Still, that is no reason to treat one’s parents like that. King Triton did what he thought was best, and it is obvious he loved all of his daughters with everything he had. I would never think twice about doing anything that would break my father’s heart, and I sincerely believe that Ariel should have done the same.
But all in all, I loved Ariel. I loved her adventurous persona, her passion, her capriciousness. I also loved her voice, and because of her voice I have the movie's soundtrack on my iPod; I especially like her voice in Part Of Your World (Reprise)-one of the most magical moments of Disney ever. I was never much of a singer despite my perfect pitch, but listening to her makes me wish that I was. But then again, take into account that I love every song in this movie. Yes, even Poor Unfortunate Souls, and that’s saying something because I usually hate Bad Guy Songs in general. Also, the line Darling, it’s better / Down where it’s wetter in Under The Sea always cracks me up. However, I loved Part Of Your World the most (as do most people, I assume) because of all the hope and longing that Ariel expresses. I loved the fact that she dreamed big, and that she described herself as one of the Bright young women, sick of swimming / Ready to stand. She was tired of having things laid out for her, and thus she would have done anything to grab the reigns and pave her own path. Most of all, I loved how Ariel was so brave to just give up everything for something she really wanted-a life as a human. Though I am still reluctant about giving up her whole life to go after a guy she hardly knew, I have to remind myself that the men in the other Disney movies (Tarzan, the Beast, and Aladdin, for example) were willing to change everything about themselves in order to be with the girl they loved, too. I hate this double standard where if a man does this, it’s considered sweet, while if a woman does it, it’s considered stupid. If a girl like Ariel gave up her whole life just to spend a day with me, I would fucking love her more than anything I know.
So Ariel, as much as I disapprove of how you treated your father and your decision to give up your life for something you are not necessarily going to achieve, I love you and wish that I can meet a girl like you.
Personal enjoyment: 10/10
Feminist-pro: 8.5/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 9/10
Inspiration: 9/10
Music: 9/10
Beauty And The Beast
I found this film less inspiring than The Little Mermaid, even a bit boring. I liked Belle, but I found her bland in a sense. Sure, she loved reading, she wanted more than just being the “little wife” of that asshole Gaston, and she loved her father enough to give up her freedom for his. I just couldn’t fall in love with her like I did with Ariel. I think it is because I love reckless girls who speak their minds and follow the motto “do first, think later”. Belle was just not adventurous enough, I guess.
For that reason, I liked the Beast better. He had a short temper, bad table manners, and no patience at all, and that honestly reminded me so much of myself that it was freaky. I found it a little bit disheartening that he changed his ways for Belle. I mean, of course you can’t let your short temper get the best of you, but to get rid of it completely is like getting rid of a part of one’s personality. As for table manners, well, fine, that can change, but it made me sad because I thought the way the Beast ate was cute, not disgusting. I personally cannot eat anything without chopsticks, and have gotten weird looks from my peers for eating spaghetti with my own pair of chopsticks. I can’t help it-forks make me nervous and I drop everything I try to eat with them. And his patience? Well, what the hell, patience is a virtue. Fine. I also really liked his transformation scene. I mean, I don’t think that he was particularly attractive as a human, but I always had a soft spot for men with long hair.
My favourite characters in this were Lumiere, Featherduster, and Mrs. Potts. Lumiere is typical: he’s kind, charming, rebellious in the sense that he does what he thinks is right and not what his master wants. Besides, he has a very hot French accent, and when I was younger I was obsessed with his eyebrows. I also loved how he went to Featherduster’s rescue when she was being mauled by one of the mob people. Featherduster is also my favourite because of her voice. We don’t see much screen time of her, but I love the way she giggles and screams and dusts everything. Also, she is hot as a human-she looks exactly like my dream girl except too thin. And oh, Mrs. Potts, she reminds me of the mother I wished I had when I was younger. My mom was super strict and she hardly ever spent that much time with me until I turned six. I love her more than anything, and I know now that she was so harsh on me because she knew that I was strong enough to use it as motivation to work harder. I cannot be more grateful to my mom. But seriously, when I was five and when I first watched the movie, Mrs. Potts was somebody who I wished would take care of me and kiss me goodnight.
And I hate Gaston so much, I need to write a paragraph about him. He is probably the epitome of jerk in the English lexicon. He is cocky, manipulative, and the second I saw him I wanted to kick his motherfucking ass. Not only does he treat Belle like property, he actually expected that Belle would be grateful to be his “little wife” who took care of six or seven little boys and massaged his shoulders every night. EW NO. On top of that, he is a coward who begged for his life, and after being shown mercy pulled a sneak attack on the Beast when the poor thing wasn’t looking. I don’t understand why people think he was the kind of villain who didn’t deserve to die; I think he fucking got what he deserved, and I whooped when he fell from the roof. Asshole.
Reasons to bash Beauty And The Beast: it promotes bestiality and abusive relationships. I’ll start with the first statement, because the first time I heard this I was like really, people? How could it promote bestiality? The Beast is a fucking prince, and sure he looks like the Tasmanian devil from Looney Tunes with goat horns, but he is technically human. (If anything promotes bestiality, it would be The Lion King because dammit, Nala is fucking hot, ahem, moving on). Promoting abusive relationship may be a problem. However, in the movie, the Beast never physically hurts Belle. He only yells and throws stuff and loses his temper. My mom yells and throws stuff and loses her temper with my dad, and I think that they have the best marriage ever. Besides, he did mend his ways in the end, didn’t he?
So although I couldn’t fall in love with Belle as much as I wanted to, I fell in love with Featherduster. Wow.
Personal enjoyment: 7.5/10
Feminist-pro: 9/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 8/10
Inspiration: 7/10
Music: 7/10
Tarzan
Holy shit, I can’t believe I used to hate this one. It is genius. I think what turned me off at first was the amount of time Tarzan himself was half-naked. I mean, um, ew. Even back then I was not really interested in the male physique. Plus, both Kerchak and Clayton were absolute assholes. Kerchak was xenophobic, and though he had a reason to be, Tarzan was a fucking baby and later kid. He needed to fucking kill a leopardess in order to be accepted, like what the fuck! That is so not cool, Kerchak! Then there is Clayton, who honestly does not need any explanation of how fucked up his actions were.
Wait, no, fuck that, he deserves a good old-fashioned bashing, too. Three reasons why I disliked this character. The first and most important reason: he shot anything and everything. Guns are weapons, and as much as I have nothing against guns and in fact would love to be able to use and own one, Clayton totally abused the thing! I would expect that gun owners are a bit more responsible, you know, especially when they are voluntarily holding an object that can steal some poor thing’s life. I am completely against hunting and extracting animals from their natural habitats, especially if it is for sport, and the only reason why I am enthusiastic about guns is for protection purposes. I have some martial arts training because I want to be able to defend myself when things beyond my control start to happen-a gun would be useful if I want to scare a rapist off, for example, not to shoot at anything that fucking moved! Two, Clayton acted all high and mighty all the damn time. And three, fuck it, his eyes freaked me out when I was a kid.
Okay, onto lighter topics. Tarzan’s biological mother is beautiful. I am not going to lie, she has the most beautiful facial features I have ever seen on a non-anime cartoon, and I loved her red hair. She actually looked like a redhead Amber Heard, which is probably the hugest compliment I could give a non-anime cartoon because honestly? Amber Heard? Unf. Not to mention the fact that she was not the typical damsel in distress. It is shown that while her husband lowered the lifeboat from a burning ship (my god, Disney, what is with your obsession with burning ships?), she did not cower or freak out or anything like that. She only cared for her baby and her husband’s safety, as shown when said husband jumped off the ship and she played her part in hauling him onto the lifeboat. Then, after being shipwrecked, she built her equal share of the tree house instead of letting her husband do all of the manly construction work and shit. And most importantly, she died with her husband in an attempt to save their baby from Sabor, sacrificing everything she had. I want a girlfriend like that-strong, brave, beautiful, caring, adventurous.
Next girl to flail about: Jane Porter. First and foremost, she is adorable! Her first appearance makes me laugh every damn time:
“Daddy, ow, ow, Daddy, what is all the hullabaloo about? [bamboo shoots recoil] Ahhh!”
Also her banter with the baby monkey she drew early in the movie made me laugh:
“Oh, look, bananas!”
I loved how Jane went from the conventional damsel in distress to a perfectly competent woman who can survive in the jungle. She grew up in fucking London, and everybody knows that those who grew up in London remain absolute wusses for the rest of their lives (this is a joke, for those who do not realize it, but you get the point I’m trying to make). She also has a very unique voice, which I equate to a mix between a librarian and an opera singer. I found that her voice was very expressive, and it never sounded forced or boring, so kudos to her voice actress. I also found Jane to be extraordinarily adventurous. She ventured out by herself to draw the animals she encountered and she was brave enough to follow Tarzan around when he decided to take her out on outings. It is also seen that she is probably the most logical and intelligent person in the film (the exception being Kala, in my opinion), seen with the fact that she was the only one who could talk some sense into Clayton. Moreover, she must have had the patience of a saint in order to teach a full-grown man like Tarzan to read! Not only that, she decides to stay with Tarzan at the end and learn to live life as Queen Of The Jungle. The only thing I had to wonder was how the fuck she walked around the jungle wearing her fucking huge yellow dress.
And now, my ultimate favourite character, Terk! As a kid, she was my favourite character just because she was a tomboy. Enough said. No words can express how awesome I think Terk is.
What I like best about Tarzan is the fact that he is loyal to his gorilla mother Kala. I mean, who wouldn’t be? Kala is probably the best mother ever, and I remember as a little girl that I wished my mother was as kind and caring as Kala. Tarzan loves her, and because of that I respect him so much more-we don’t see that many men today who are willing to talk about their mothers or treat them with so much love in front of others. I also loved Tarzan because he was just so honest. It was obvious that he loved Jane, and that scene where he learned that presenting flowers was a foolproof way of winning a girl’s heart (“Jane must stay with Tarzan!”) was adorable. Oh, and by the way, he was willing to put on a suit and tie and shoes to go back to London with her! Any guy who does that knows what love and sacrifice is about, because I would have to love a girl a lot to be willing to wear a corset and high heels for her.
My favourite scene in the whole movie was the part where Phil Collin’s Son Of Man was playing (currently my favourite personal happy song) and Tarzan was trying to become the “best ape ever”. That one moment where Tantor throws adolescent Tarzan up in the air where he becomes a full-grown young man was probably the best turning points I have ever seen in a Disney movie. With hard work and perseverance, he went from being the “hairless wonder” of the pack to one of the most powerful and agile jungle animals ever. Fucking hell, he was so boss, he swung from vines, okay? Nothing trumps swinging from vines!
Last but not least, I have to admit that I think Tarzan is really hot. I mean, I’m still not so much into the half-nakedness (though I really appreciated Jane’s outfit in the end), but again, I have a soft spot for men with longer hair. Except unlike with the Beast, I think I appreciated Tarzan’s open honesty and not just his hair. I also think that is why I appreciate characters like Ariel and Jane and Tarzan: they are just so fucking honest with everything. How do you live in the world like that without dying young and heartbroken? You don’t, right? Which is why I guess I loved the characters even more.
Personal enjoyment: 9.5/10
Feminist-pro: 8.5/10
Characters: 9/10
Positive impact: 10/10
Inspiration: 10/10
Music: 10/10
Hercules
The muses! I admit, I watched this movie because I loved and still love the muses! My favourite when I was younger was the fattest one because she had the most spunk. I loved the fact that she was just as good-looking as the others, and had even more spirit. She is like my dream girl in terms of personality-spunky, sassy, feisty-except she is clearly heterosexual (“Honey, you mean Hunkules!”). Sigh. Now, pretty much ten years later, I find myself loving the leader of the Muses, mostly because of her voice and the proper way she holds herself. Plus, the idea of making the muses look the way they look proves that being curvy and healthy-looking can be just as or even more beautiful than being stick thin. I mean, honestly, her thighs actually look proportional to her body for once (her waist is another matter, but baby steps). And to be even more honest, all of them look hotter than all of the skinny princesses!
And then, there is Megara, who I have a soft spot for. She is witty, sarcastic, and independent, and throughout the film I pretended that she was a closet lesbian. Try as I might, however, I could not fall in love with her for some strange reason. Perhaps it was her almost too sarcastic demeanour. Perhaps it was the fact that she fell apart so much after being hurt by her asshole boyfriend. I think that it was mostly because of the fact that she seemed strong on the outside but weak inside and thus was not completely honest. I mean, I admire her ability of sacrifice-she gave up her whole life just to bring her dead boyfriend back to life only to have her heart broken when he ran off with another girl (ugh what a douche!). But I could not help but feel a huge connection with her in the sense that she put up a very thick protection shield between her and the world. I hate that part of me, really. I hate the fact that I feel the need to protect myself from the outside world just because of something that is built into me. So the fact that I see something like this in Meg makes me sympathize, not love.
(To be fair, however, I love the song I Won’t Say (I’m In Love). I don’t particularly love the voice of Meg’s voice actress, but I love the melody and the fact that the muses are backup vocals! Dude, if I ever sing a solo, I want the muses to be my backup! That would be fucking awesome!)
On the other hand, I found Hercules adorable. Even without the long hair that I find myself loving on men, I really loved his honesty and naivety when it came to something like love. He was also very dorky when he first met Meg, and though I could never see myself falling for a guy like that, I did think that it was cute. It reminded me of how I act in front of my girl crushes (I tend to act shy around girls, while I act spunky and confident around boys). And he was so cute after that date with Meg, with him swinging around the poles and stuff.
Now, when talking about Disney’s Hercules, you have to have a paragraph about Hades. Hilarity in Hell incarnate. I loved his witty remarks and the way he turns red whenever he gets mad, sometimes only for a millisecond. There are gifs of him on the internet, and they are hilarious. However, the face he makes when he realizes that Hercules’s weakness was Meg gives me nightmares. I give him an eleven on the ten-point creeper scale.
You know what was funny, though? I read the true story of Hercules, or Heracles as he is originally known, and he actually had four wives in total. The first was Meg, but Zeus’s wife Heras hated him so much she bewitched him into a frenzy which made him kill his wife and children. Then he went on to atone for this sin, yadda yadda yadda, one of his wives was almost raped by a centaur (holy shit, seriously, a centaur?), he is killed by the centaur’s poisoned blood and semen (uh ew!), and so on and so forth. Also, he had sex with a king’s fifty virgin daughters in one night as a “gift”. Holy shit, Greek mythology is absolutely messed up.
What struck me was the fact that Heracles was also bisexual and had countless male lovers. I mean, Heracles! The epitome of virility! This breaks through the stereotypical barrier, doesn’t it? A gay non-sissy, yay! I mean, I totally disagree with the extra-marital affairs and deaths and treating women like property, but this goes a long way in showing that being a man is more than fucking a woman (and in turn, being a woman is more than snagging a man).
Personal enjoyment: 8/10
Feminist-pro: 9/10
Characters: 8/10
Positive impact: 9/10
Inspiration: 7/10
Music: 8.5/10
Pocahontas II: Journey To A New World
Fuck you, biased settler! Had to get that out of my system first. But ugh! That asshole settler who calls Pocahontas a savage at the beginning of the film made me so mad. She fucking saved your worthless piece of crap life and that is how you treat her? What an asshole!
Then again, most of the male characters in this whole movie were assholes. I never liked John Smith, for instance. I found him arrogant, bratty, and an all-around narcissist who only cared for himself. Radcliffe was also an asshole, for obvious reasons, of course. What I love about him is that he looks like one of my professors at school who does nothing but talk about deep artsy things like life and love and death-makes me laugh each time I see him on screen.
Now, I hated the fact that they were demeaning women throughout this whole damn movie. When the king said instead of the chief, you brought a-a-a woman!, it really did not sit right with me. Sure, you could argue that the king wasn’t exactly the sharpest knife in the drawer, but if that is the case, does that make him worthy of being the fucking king of fucking England? Also take into account that the king was spoiled and ill-mannered and ridiculously narcissist, and he saw nothing wrong with torturing a bear. What the fuck is this blasphemy? I also hated the fact that the queen just fucking sat there and took all his shit. She is obviously more intelligent and capable than the king ever would be, and still it is the king that calls the shots. Honestly, she has more right to handle situations and I would have loved for Disney to have at least given her a chance to publicly outshine the king like she obviously could.
Okay, in the first movie, Pocahontas was so damn noble and dignified that it made me feel like Satan compared to her Jesus (is that the right analogy?). I love how she always has this royalty about her that makes me wonder if she has any weakness at all-even if she does show her vulnerability in front of Grandmother Willow, but that hardly fucking counts in my opinion. She was also filled with hopes and dreams, and wanted the freedom to do what she felt was right.
In this movie, I think a part of me just died when I saw their characterization of her. Not only is she weaker, more vulnerable, and more desperate to prove herself, she became white. The powder! Oh my fucking god, what was Disney thinking? Pocahontas looked ridiculous caked in white powder, and she was actually accepted into the Victorian society through this act of self-denial. Why didn’t she just dye her hair fucking blonde while she was at it?! It was shameful seeing her that way. What does this teach children? It teaches them that brown is bad and wild while white is good and high-class, which is so not cool (I should know this because that was what I got from it when I was younger). What happened to acceptance of all races? Pocahontas actually changed herself just to be accepted into this shitty society-sure, it was “most likely” for the good of her own people, but after that incident my esteem for Pocahontas dropped like a dead weight. Where was her pride? Where was her integrity? Where was her nobility?
One last thing that I must point out: the bear-torturing. It was so painful to watch because I know it happened and I know that atrocious things like this still do happen. I am against animal cruelty and animal testing and things like that, but I do believe that hunting-when done for survival and not for sport-may be the only way some people in this world get food and clothing and shelter. But this scene? It broke my heart. And to top it all off, before this display of absolute cruelty, John Rolfe cried out “she [Pocahontas] wouldn’t understand!” What does that say about Native culture? That they don’t understand why it is okay to torture a bear for entertainment? Fuck you, almost everybody I know doesn’t fucking understand why people do this! Does this imply that only high-class people understand the “comic relief” of seeing a bear get tied down and whipped? Does this imply that Pocahontas and her people are too damn wild to understand the real culture? No, it shows that Pocahontas understands more than any of those Victorian high-class brats do. So fuck you, John Rolfe, fuck you and Radcliffe and the King of England.
Okay, I lied, one more thing. To me, Pocahontas never seemed like the kind of person who would hide her feelings or create any awkward atmosphere with anybody. I thought of her as the epitome of beauty, elegance, nobility, and composed freedom. I did not think of her as the young girl who was too shy to express what she felt. I loved the idea that she was the kind of woman who took things as they were, with no frills and overanalyzing. If she loved John Smith, she loved John Smith. If she did not want to marry Kocuom, she did not want to marry Kocuom. It was simple, it was calm, it was what it was. Not like near the end of this film, where she is seen to be nervous and fidgety while making awkward conversation with John Rolfe that involved them going separate ways before both had an outburst of emotions that implied mutual feelings. The Pocahontas I knew in the first movie did not beat around the bush like that.
I disliked this movie back then, and I still dislike it now. The only aspect of it that I found worth watching was the soundtrack and the beautiful nature scenes. I have always had a soft spot for trees and rivers and waterfalls in Disney movies and just little glimpses of them make a movie worthwhile to me.
Personal enjoyment: 2/10
Feminist-pro: 2/10
Characters: 5/10
Positive impact: 1/10
Inspiration: 1/10
Music: 7.5/10
Lilo And Stitch
Oh my god, I am so embarrassed to say it, but this movie made me cry buckets. Just thinking about some scenes makes me teary.
Lilo is so damn eccentric, and it must have been absolutely devastating for her to lose both her parents out of the blue. I mean the fact that she believed that Pudge the fish controls the weather made me cry-her parents died from a car crash in the pouring rain. She also understood why Stitch was such a fucking nutcase who pushed her around and treated everybody like shit, which is more than most people could say. Until Lilo, I thought that it was impossible to have that much empathy.
It may be wrong for me to say this, but I actually supported Lilo when she bit the bitch redhead. Her parents fucking died because of the weather, and the bitch had the nerve to tell her that her beliefs were stupid? What the fuck! Lilo may be eccentric and weird, but she sure had a lot more decency than those other girls. They had dolls who were pretty and skinny, while Lilo cared for a homemade rag doll named Scrump “who just underwent surgery”. It broke my heart when the girls ran off and Lilo threw her doll to the ground, only to turn around and hug her tight. It just shows that she knows how difficult it is to lose somebody and that she would never do that to other people.
I personally understand how difficult it is to have no friends and not feel like being an integral part of a group. Ever since I remember, I had this phobia of being alone. Whenever I went to school, I had anxiety attacks whenever my best friends did not show up because that meant I had to spend my lunch hours without anybody beside me or do a group project all by myself. And when I started skipping grades, I just inevitably started to lose friends. I was the “new” kid in every class, and it was difficult for me to get out of bed in the mornings to face the isolation I felt in the classroom. And if I ever made new friends, I got too attached, which meant it was even more painful the next year when none of my classes matched up with theirs. I am ashamed to say this, but at the time I was sincerely contemplating on getting a kitchen knife and slitting my own wrist, and the only thing that saved me was the fact that I knew that continuing my studies was going to be worth it in the end. That and the fact that I had always had a knack at keeping my emotional side separate from everything else. “The more you think, the unhappier you are” was my motto back then, and it’s really pathetic but it worked. “Don’t think, just do, and everything will be okay.”
Sadly, I don’t know if I could say the same for Lilo. She had no friends, her parents were dead, Stitch was being an absolute asshole, and she was on the brink of being separated from Nani. How the fuck does a kid like that live through such an ordeal? If she was separated from Nani, she would have almost nothing to live for anymore. At least I knew that skipping grades was a privilege, what about Lilo? Does losing everything she ever loved sound like a privilege? Besides, she seems like the kind of girl who does not have the disadvantage/talent of ignoring her emotional side like I do. She “remembers everybody who leaves.” That puts her in a very grave emotional disadvantage, in my honest opinion. It shows that she thought about them all the time and that she dealt with her emotions headlong. I am not strong enough to do that-I have to push my bad memories away into the farthest corners of my mind, and just thinking about them for a split second can drive me insane. Lilo lives them each and every minute of her life.
I really admire Nani, though. She and Lilo are probably my favourite characters. First off, she is actually normal-looking. She doesn’t have a disproportionate waist and too-thin legs, and still she looks beautiful. I mean, she is not as open and honest as Ariel or Jane, but it is obvious that she is a mature young woman who does her best to care for her little sister and make sure that her family stays together. She is not the kind of girl I would date-I like adventurous young women who are spontaneous and playful and only down-to-earth when needed-because she is just so serious, but I really admire her and wish to be like her. If anything, she should be listed as a Disney princess. Also take into account that she knows that there are more important things than boys, not to say that David was not adorable in every sense of the word. David was fucking pining for her, and though I am certain that she really liked him back she knew that she had to hold off for her and Lilo’s sake. Dating takes a lot of time, after all. I should know, my big sister sometimes spends so much effort in her relationships that I wonder how she gets anything else done.
This movie made me think a lot. If both my parents died right now, I would probably have to drop out of university and forfeit my scholarship. It would break my heart. Going to university was one of the greatest decisions I could have ever made-it made skipping grades all worth it, just like I thought it would-and the fact that I may have to quit due to circumstances beyond my control makes me sick with anguish. Not only that, my big sister still has another year of law school, not to mention the fact that she has to pay off her student loans and find a decent-paying job. If my parents died she would have to take on the responsibility of taking care of me and my little sister, which would suck for all of us (she can’t cook, she hates cleaning, and she has a hot temper that not even my little sister can compete against). We might have to sell our little suburban house and move into a tiny apartment downtown, which would suck since I hate busy cities and cars and traffic lights. And my little sister would have to transfer schools and actually take care of what courses she should take. Not only that, we may have no choice but to sell my dog, and that is something that I do not want to think about. So yes, I pray every single fucking day that my parents are well and healthy, for all of our sakes.
Stitch’s whole characterization made me cry as well. Created for ultimate destruction and mischief, he found it difficult to find a place where he truly belonged. You can tell that he was fucking trying, too, and instead of being rewarded he was the character who was physically abused the most. It broke my heart every time somebody bonked him on the head or whacked him with a tree branch. Stitch’s I’m lost was pitiful. Holy shit, I bawled while watching him walk through the forest with Lilo’s copy of The Ugly Duckling.
Not to say that this movie was all tears and sniffles. My favourite scene would have to be when Stitch made a miniature model of San Francisco in Lilo’s room only to pretend to be fucking Godzilla and destroy everything. I laughed my ass off and replayed it three times before moving on. Also these quotes:
Stitch: Aloha!
Gantu: Ah! You're vile; you're foul; you're flawed!
Stitch: Also cute and fluffy!
Stitch: [in alien language] Ah, Pooama Chicky!
Jumba: Ach! Leave my mother out of this!
[Stitch and Jumba are tossing a jammed up gun back and forth]
Stitch: Merry Christmas.
Jumba: It's not Christmas.
Stitch: Happy Channukah!
Jumba: It's not Channukah!
[Pleakley scoops up Lilo and carries her away from the house]
Lilo: We're leaving Stitch?
Pleakley: Trust me, this is not gonna end well!
Jumba: One potato!
Stitch: Two potato!
Jumba: Three potato!
Stitch: Four!
Jumba: Five potato!
Stitch: Six potato!
Jumba: Seven potato more!
Stitch: My...
Jumba: mother...
Stitch: told...
Jumba: me...
Stitch: you...
Jumba: are...
Stitch: ...the best.
Jumba: Ha! I win!
[gun explodes in his hands]
Genius, I say. Genius.
Personal enjoyment: 9/10
Feminist-pro: 10/10
Characters: 9/10
Positive impact: 10/10
Inspiration: 10/10
Music: 6/10
I can’t believe I swore off all Disney movies when I was ten years old. Sure, some of them are overrated and had ridiculously terrible voice actors, but anything that is related to one’s childhood is something that should be protected and cherished. I am making it a goal to watch all the other Disney movies I watched as a child by the end of the summer. This is gonna be good.