When it all comes full-circle will you be there?
This has been the one of the most interesting periods of my life.
My vacation was apparently waaaaaaay more need than I had fathomed.
It all started with that one post about the ten & then the party (which I thought went fine). But of course nothing can just be 'fine' in this little world of mine.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.. Oh, Kelly.
We were thought to have a good time while bowling, but when we got back to the house she just sat there pretty much quietly, while the party milled about. Once we started our smoking activities, she was of course bothered by this. Didn't say anything, no. Just bothered by it.
So, after ally & carrie (our only lesbian couple friends) left, Kelly became even more quiet. Things had calmed down a bit & Marty (my sis) asked if we all wanted to play trivial pursuit. I asked kel, she said yes.
As we proceeded to set-up the board & such, Kelly decided it was a good time to rehash the subject of my sister's cat's health condition. Now, everyone there knows my sister is aware of her cat's issues, and she does everything & then some to maintain their issues. Beside the fact that Kelly has gone down this path of depressing verbiage, and knows exactly what it is & what marty has done & is doing to help them, and she felt the need to bring it up, even after I asked her to save it for another time, about how horrible the cat seemed & how mars should take it to a vet (as if we were all going to ditch her b-day to go to an emergency vet!) The fucking cat is fine, it is not dying, it can see, and it does not need some asshole telling it's mom that she doesn't take care of them! It's bullshit & yes I told kelly it was & that it pissed me off.
Mars was kind of upset too. It being her b-day & all Kelly can do is verbally bash her kitty-parental skills. So, she went out back for a smoke. I followed suit, and so did several others. We're all over it & chillin', and decide to return to our game, but...
Kelly took off.
She just up & left. No goodbye. No note and/or message left with anyone in the house. Just gone.
i called her cell phone, and she was at home already. I was just floored. I asked her why repeatedly, only to get half-truth lame replies. I was so done right then & there, but I try to keep myself calm. Then she proceeds to tell me she left because everyone there was mad at her & she hates going over there because she hates my family & friends.
Biggest mistake she ever made in this relationship, because on that note alone I have half a mind to never speak to her sorry ass again. But again I give her the benefit of the doubt, and I am in her apartment & there may be a chance for us to work shit out someday. I just doubt it.
So, the plan has severely changed, as I felt it was going to. I am moving alone.
All this shit happened the day before I left on my vacation. The fucked up part is the morning as I was getting ready to leave, after all that happened the night before. She acted as if nothing was wrong. She acted as if nothing should change. She still does.
This is fucking insane, no?!?
Esp. since while I was on vacation she continued to tell me during a long & drawn out phone conversation that she has no faith in me or my abilities to improve my life. Or in her words: "...you have alot of issues, and I'm worried you won't fix them..." Same thing, uh-huh yeah. This is such bullshit.
While out there, I also had a spiritual awakening/ vision quest of sorts. I've never seen things so clearly. It's like I was given a new set of eyes, and I see that things have been very wrong for a very long time.
I love & care about Kelly very much, and I don't doubt that she loves me too. It's just not enough to make this a healthy relationship by any means.
There's so much more I thought about writing in detail to this, but some things are better left unsaid.
Just know that I'm moving to CO, in less than a month. I just need to get things situated here, and I'm so gone. So gone.
In a lot of ways I already am.
My vacation was apparently waaaaaaay more need than I had fathomed.
It all started with that one post about the ten & then the party (which I thought went fine). But of course nothing can just be 'fine' in this little world of mine.
Kelly, Kelly, Kelly.. Oh, Kelly.
We were thought to have a good time while bowling, but when we got back to the house she just sat there pretty much quietly, while the party milled about. Once we started our smoking activities, she was of course bothered by this. Didn't say anything, no. Just bothered by it.
So, after ally & carrie (our only lesbian couple friends) left, Kelly became even more quiet. Things had calmed down a bit & Marty (my sis) asked if we all wanted to play trivial pursuit. I asked kel, she said yes.
As we proceeded to set-up the board & such, Kelly decided it was a good time to rehash the subject of my sister's cat's health condition. Now, everyone there knows my sister is aware of her cat's issues, and she does everything & then some to maintain their issues. Beside the fact that Kelly has gone down this path of depressing verbiage, and knows exactly what it is & what marty has done & is doing to help them, and she felt the need to bring it up, even after I asked her to save it for another time, about how horrible the cat seemed & how mars should take it to a vet (as if we were all going to ditch her b-day to go to an emergency vet!) The fucking cat is fine, it is not dying, it can see, and it does not need some asshole telling it's mom that she doesn't take care of them! It's bullshit & yes I told kelly it was & that it pissed me off.
Mars was kind of upset too. It being her b-day & all Kelly can do is verbally bash her kitty-parental skills. So, she went out back for a smoke. I followed suit, and so did several others. We're all over it & chillin', and decide to return to our game, but...
Kelly took off.
She just up & left. No goodbye. No note and/or message left with anyone in the house. Just gone.
i called her cell phone, and she was at home already. I was just floored. I asked her why repeatedly, only to get half-truth lame replies. I was so done right then & there, but I try to keep myself calm. Then she proceeds to tell me she left because everyone there was mad at her & she hates going over there because she hates my family & friends.
Biggest mistake she ever made in this relationship, because on that note alone I have half a mind to never speak to her sorry ass again. But again I give her the benefit of the doubt, and I am in her apartment & there may be a chance for us to work shit out someday. I just doubt it.
So, the plan has severely changed, as I felt it was going to. I am moving alone.
All this shit happened the day before I left on my vacation. The fucked up part is the morning as I was getting ready to leave, after all that happened the night before. She acted as if nothing was wrong. She acted as if nothing should change. She still does.
This is fucking insane, no?!?
Esp. since while I was on vacation she continued to tell me during a long & drawn out phone conversation that she has no faith in me or my abilities to improve my life. Or in her words: "...you have alot of issues, and I'm worried you won't fix them..." Same thing, uh-huh yeah. This is such bullshit.
While out there, I also had a spiritual awakening/ vision quest of sorts. I've never seen things so clearly. It's like I was given a new set of eyes, and I see that things have been very wrong for a very long time.
I love & care about Kelly very much, and I don't doubt that she loves me too. It's just not enough to make this a healthy relationship by any means.
There's so much more I thought about writing in detail to this, but some things are better left unsaid.
Just know that I'm moving to CO, in less than a month. I just need to get things situated here, and I'm so gone. So gone.
In a lot of ways I already am.