Schadenfreude Is But A Vicissitude
you could say i never really expected myself to attain much, yet top spot was pretty elusive, a position i would relish with much pride. a pretty agonizing wait, and poof, it's over.
i guess this calls for reflection. where do i go from here? debates, prefects, moor house, they're swimming in my head all these responsibilities and it is so tempting to maybe run away for once. it would be nice for a change to concentrate on my studies, to understand the stuff that's being tested and really cultivate a passion for what i'm learning. extra-curricular activities = stress + expectations. i really don't know anymore.
i awoke today after 7 hours of fitful semi-sleep and was on my toes till recess and that was when the results hit me, like a steam locomotive no less. hwee leong said i looked ashened, a look i had given him after it was announced we lost jgs in april. in retrospect, they're rather different. they're only two other occasions when my face fell a la today:
(i)when i realized i didnt make it to gep in primary
(ii)when i was not re-elected as monitor in sec 2 :P
it was a stunned, i-saw-it-coming-but-now-that-it-has-come-i-really-don't-know-what-to-think look. the i sort of prepared for it but never really expected it to materialize kind of feeling. it's the exact same state of mind unexpected oscar winners are planted in when their names are announced, sans cheer no less.
i'll have to move on. i don't see any way around it. at least this has awakened me to my priorities a little, mighty materialistic of me i'll say, but whoever said altruism was the order of the day?
-shakes head- i really need a pick-me-up. -plays the differents-
i need retail therapy, badly. auyong thanks iPod fairy in advance :)
dep was constructive, learnt quite alot. i think i might just have found my confidence, i'm beginning to speak more fluently, my cerebral processes are kicked up a notch and i'm making a deliberate effort to sound clearer in my speech. speed has been reduced quite drastically and ladies and gentlemen are slowly becoming less of a problem. i'm optimistic for once, and with more skills-based training sessions i'm pretty sure i'll make something of my lacklustre debating career :D
TRULY ASIA on 28th. Can't wait to get the hell out of this place. EXAMS/CCTs/CTs/Class-based Assignments/Creative Performance Tasks/Graded Assignments and what-not (them cunning syllabus-setting gnomes) are getting on my nerves.
night folks. gut-wrenching but alas, whatever will be, will be.
auyong, out.
i guess this calls for reflection. where do i go from here? debates, prefects, moor house, they're swimming in my head all these responsibilities and it is so tempting to maybe run away for once. it would be nice for a change to concentrate on my studies, to understand the stuff that's being tested and really cultivate a passion for what i'm learning. extra-curricular activities = stress + expectations. i really don't know anymore.
i awoke today after 7 hours of fitful semi-sleep and was on my toes till recess and that was when the results hit me, like a steam locomotive no less. hwee leong said i looked ashened, a look i had given him after it was announced we lost jgs in april. in retrospect, they're rather different. they're only two other occasions when my face fell a la today:
(i)when i realized i didnt make it to gep in primary
(ii)when i was not re-elected as monitor in sec 2 :P
it was a stunned, i-saw-it-coming-but-now-that-it-has-come-i-really-don't-know-what-to-think look. the i sort of prepared for it but never really expected it to materialize kind of feeling. it's the exact same state of mind unexpected oscar winners are planted in when their names are announced, sans cheer no less.
i'll have to move on. i don't see any way around it. at least this has awakened me to my priorities a little, mighty materialistic of me i'll say, but whoever said altruism was the order of the day?
-shakes head- i really need a pick-me-up. -plays the differents-
i need retail therapy, badly. auyong thanks iPod fairy in advance :)
dep was constructive, learnt quite alot. i think i might just have found my confidence, i'm beginning to speak more fluently, my cerebral processes are kicked up a notch and i'm making a deliberate effort to sound clearer in my speech. speed has been reduced quite drastically and ladies and gentlemen are slowly becoming less of a problem. i'm optimistic for once, and with more skills-based training sessions i'm pretty sure i'll make something of my lacklustre debating career :D
TRULY ASIA on 28th. Can't wait to get the hell out of this place. EXAMS/CCTs/CTs/Class-based Assignments/Creative Performance Tasks/Graded Assignments and what-not (them cunning syllabus-setting gnomes) are getting on my nerves.
night folks. gut-wrenching but alas, whatever will be, will be.
auyong, out.