nausea
the thing is that i'm a pacifier and i'm the one that people have said is good at placating others when they're upset or frustrated. i'm understanding but i can also manage to snap people back into reality and the greater scheme of things. and i also can never hold a firm opinion on anything because i always see both sides and can always argue it both ways, which is troublesome because the outside world seems to expect political science majors to hold firm opinions and be able to hammer them to death. i just can't blindly believe in one side of an issue, i've tried. so when it comes to be angry with other people for legitimate reasons, i have a lot of trouble holding my ground. i don't want to be the one the that causes trouble by picking some small thing (and everything is arguably small when you're inside my head) and treating it like it is the greater scheme of things and needs to be dealt with right away. i don't like being that person, i know how the other people involved view that person. and in any logic i have for being angry or upset or in any argument i create to explain myself and my case, i see the loopholes. the loopholes grow bigger and bigger inside my head, until the holes seem bigger than the Swiss cheese. it all makes me nervous and i practice things over and over in my head to never say them because i usually choke and just let it go for fear of the drama and consequence. maybe it's that i feel the only thing i really have to go on is my mind, but i really don't like to be told that i've misconstrued things or that i'm overreacting. the possibility of not being level headed or listened to scares me. i just wish i could stand my ground about things i know are personally important to me even when i know they won't be important to other people.