Ironic....
You know it's quite ironic. I can talk to anyone really- that is, that I don't know. Try getting me to talk to people that I do know, just am not comfortable with and I clam up like the jaws of life. I can talk to people in class, people in my field, teachers, people at the grocery store, people at church. Can I talk to acquaintances? Nope. Can I talk to Jeff's family? Nope. My mind goes blank and I feel like a dork if I say something and I feel like a bigger dork if I don't. It's weird you know...I mean I am shy..but I really can't think of ANYTHING to say, that isn't well dorkish. But seeming that I come from the genus of dorkesus that could explain some things. :-) I just want to fit in and be comfortable, but at the same time I don't want to lose a family if me and Jeff break up, and getting close to them would cause me to lose a family, so I take preventative measures. Sigh... I guess a lot of it is I am moderately liberal and they are VERY conservative. I mean, at times, it's hard for me to bite my tongue and swallow my dinner, but I can't just be like, "You hippocrites!" Sigh... I mean my own father is a splitting image of his whole family, so I know how to deal with it, but...that could cause me to clam up too. I don't know, I need to try, but a part of me feels like if I fail, then what? Part of me knows if I let them know who I am, I will be banned from their house... I guess I could be overreacting... I just worry about what everyone else thinks and I really shouldn't care, but I do anyway. Ironic, anyone who doesn't know me and meets me loves me, but the people I need to get to know me... don't because I clam up! Sigh...what a cycle, what a ramble. I guess I need to start thinking (or stop thinking) of things to say. But, "How's work?" and "How's school" are such supersuficial busytalk, who cares. Besides those are the questions I HATE from my mom, so why should I ask them of others? I am a dork, I will always be a dork...at least a found another dork to share my dorkiness... derka derka... :-)
Katie
Katie