I'm better this way.
Okay, so last night Matt called me at like 11:30 as he has been lately and we were talking and he was telling me how he doesn't know what he wants to do with the rest of his life. He was like I know I'm going to Suffoulk for a year and whatever and then he's like .. well I was thinking about the military. I was like okay, whatever you wanna do. & he's like well .. would you wait for me. And of course I said I would. There's no doubt that I wouldn't. And then he was talking about other schools .. and how he doesn't wanna go there because he doesn't wanna leave me and have me get bored and find another guy. But I wouldn't get bored, I wouldn't find another guy. I don't want another guy. I would wait a million years for Matt, but I don't wanna be the reason he doesn't go away to school. I don't want it to be my fault. and then he was telling me how he wants to be able to give me everything I want when we're older; and to be honest, I don't need anything else. I don't want to live in a HUGE house, but if it happens, it happens. All I need is Matt, and my friends and I'll be perfectly happy. I feel bad knowing that I'm one of the reasons he's contemplating going away. I don't want him to feel like he has to stay here for me, he doesn't. I want whatever he wants. I might not nessisarily really want it, but if he wants it and it makes him happy, then that's all I want. you know?