GAH!!!!!
i lay down...he comes in later....i curl up in his arms....like every other fucking night....i try to get close to him....then i hear the words that i have come to despise that makes my blood boil....he asks am i mad at him NO!!!! i am not mad at him...i am mad at me i am mad at my father i am mad at this fucking house...i am mad that i am fucking 21 and i dont have my own place and i have to hear those bloody words everytime i try to get close "your dads here" i feel there will always be a saying like that..."oh the neighbors might hear" something....i am starting to doubt that he wants me to touch him.....let it be a joke....he laughs....makes it hurt more....but i cant say anything....i love him....and i know he wont understand....that it isnt just sex it isnt just kissing...but being close so close that we connect on the physical plane as we do on the spritual one....I CANT SLEEP!!!!! GAH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!