doth fly
a year ago today i was intent on *doing something* and all i've done is talk and think about it since. in all, the last two years have pretty much been a complete waste for me in a lot of ways. attempting to do anything in the face of that is very, very hard.
now, don't get me wrong, there have been a few really great things that have happened in that time, but in a lot of ways i'm just not quite doing much more than trying to keep going without letting the fact that things are affecting me register. it's my own fault. i let things go until they really bother me and by then i don't want to bother with them any more. i need to be more active in either keeping up or cutting out. i've been wasting too much of my time and energy on things that just haven't been worth it and i need to either find a way to make them more worth it or start cutting those things out. i know that's going to require a lot of work from the hole i've dug myself into, but what's the point of just doing what you're doing when you know it doesn't work and you know you have so many better options you could be putting your energy into? it's amazing how draining and damaging doing nothing can be.
now, don't get me wrong, there have been a few really great things that have happened in that time, but in a lot of ways i'm just not quite doing much more than trying to keep going without letting the fact that things are affecting me register. it's my own fault. i let things go until they really bother me and by then i don't want to bother with them any more. i need to be more active in either keeping up or cutting out. i've been wasting too much of my time and energy on things that just haven't been worth it and i need to either find a way to make them more worth it or start cutting those things out. i know that's going to require a lot of work from the hole i've dug myself into, but what's the point of just doing what you're doing when you know it doesn't work and you know you have so many better options you could be putting your energy into? it's amazing how draining and damaging doing nothing can be.