Forgive me .. it's been ...
It has been a very long time since my last confession ..
And I'm not going to go into a big long blog about everything that's happened since.. those things will come to surface eventually right now ..
I need to vent.. I can't do it anywhere but here because everyone else I know, knows every where else I post .. for fuck sakes ..
So .. I'm dropping out of my placement .. I dont know the fucking paper work .. and I can't take the chance of risking failing my placement because Amanda doesnt fail.. did you know that
News Flash .. Amanda's not allowed to fuck up ..
So I figure although I'm "quitting" as some people have liked to call it.. I'm bowing out of my placement and taking the blow of an additional 7 weeks after the end of school year and another 350 dollars out of my pocket just so that I can do it right.. which .. I think sounds like the right think to do ..but let's see everyone although they claim to be my "quiet shoulder" to lean on tells me (like they fucking know) that .. oh it's just mid term stress.. oh don't "quit" .. oh I dont understand.. and my parents.. of all people question whether or not I'm trying fucking hard enough.. since I could walk I think I've been trying fucking hard to keep a straight A record .. since forever!!!
My ex boyfriend who I've realized has been the only person I've ever really loved.. and believe me .. I was very condescending to those that said "oh you just know when it it's "true" love" .. like what a sucker right ? it's true .. it's that "crazy in love" feeling where nothing perfect but nothing's the same without it .. and that's gone.. gone to Alberta in fact ..
On top of that numerous people whom I thought were my friends aren't .. and it just seems that "he" was the realist thing my life.. and it's gone .. and I have nobody to talk to because everyone else just nods there heads then says oh but MY day was worse.. why can I shut up and listen to your problems without "one upping them" without YOU doing it to me ??
And I might sound like a whiny bitch and that's okay because when someone needs to talk or vent I'm there for them and I have no one ..
Im just lonely .. the loneliest I've ever felt ..
Until next time,
Autumn S.
And I'm not going to go into a big long blog about everything that's happened since.. those things will come to surface eventually right now ..
I need to vent.. I can't do it anywhere but here because everyone else I know, knows every where else I post .. for fuck sakes ..
So .. I'm dropping out of my placement .. I dont know the fucking paper work .. and I can't take the chance of risking failing my placement because Amanda doesnt fail.. did you know that
News Flash .. Amanda's not allowed to fuck up ..
So I figure although I'm "quitting" as some people have liked to call it.. I'm bowing out of my placement and taking the blow of an additional 7 weeks after the end of school year and another 350 dollars out of my pocket just so that I can do it right.. which .. I think sounds like the right think to do ..but let's see everyone although they claim to be my "quiet shoulder" to lean on tells me (like they fucking know) that .. oh it's just mid term stress.. oh don't "quit" .. oh I dont understand.. and my parents.. of all people question whether or not I'm trying fucking hard enough.. since I could walk I think I've been trying fucking hard to keep a straight A record .. since forever!!!
My ex boyfriend who I've realized has been the only person I've ever really loved.. and believe me .. I was very condescending to those that said "oh you just know when it it's "true" love" .. like what a sucker right ? it's true .. it's that "crazy in love" feeling where nothing perfect but nothing's the same without it .. and that's gone.. gone to Alberta in fact ..
On top of that numerous people whom I thought were my friends aren't .. and it just seems that "he" was the realist thing my life.. and it's gone .. and I have nobody to talk to because everyone else just nods there heads then says oh but MY day was worse.. why can I shut up and listen to your problems without "one upping them" without YOU doing it to me ??
And I might sound like a whiny bitch and that's okay because when someone needs to talk or vent I'm there for them and I have no one ..
Im just lonely .. the loneliest I've ever felt ..
Until next time,
Autumn S.