Horrible bad dream or Horrible bad writing- you decide!
So, I forgot that I had a horrendous nightmare at 1 this morning, until I found a sheet of paper by my bed. Apparently, I had a nightmare that my grandfather died and my family wouldn't let me go to the funeral. When I forced the matter and went to the graveyard, my father confronted me and I ran to my (irl deceased) grandmother. She said she would never forgive me for saying she should be cremated and that I was horrible. It was a whole litany of how I suck and am a whore and she hates me, all the while laughing at me with this evil face she never wore in life. I woke up with sleep paralysis and then immediately shrank into a fetal position and sobbed for like ten minutes. Apparently, it did a number on me. I had to run to the bathroom to calm down and wrote this to reassure myself that it was some sort of Maverick-esque nightmare and not real. Its like if teenage Shakespeare and Barnaby were writing about their fears. Scary/funny. Sleepy scared me is no poet I'm so wordy and emo and... well, here it is, misspellings and all. Enjoy:
1:00 am
A nightmare of perfect design to create my perfect hell: It warped my beloved grandmother and used my family tormoil to wrack my mind with anguish, doubt, hatred, fear, self loathing, revoltion, and exquisite pain so as to wake me into immobility and directly thrust me into heart wrenching sobs I haven't cried in years. No grandmother who loved me as she did would say such things. I doubt she could ever make such a face. Demon in lamb's wool. No family would do such an atrocity to a child. Hell spawned impersonators.((oh god....)) Calm. Focus. Reality is in your grasp. ((Oh, Jeebus, I'm cracking up typing this! Why so mellow dramatic!? Wait- It gets better!)) Trust the calm memories. These are a farce. She never hated you. You never said cremation. She would never call you that and lock you out. Her shade lies comfortable. He hasn't passed. The moment isn't here. They are not able to hurt you and have no gain. Cold. Hearding. Harden. Sleep. No pain. Your tears are unneeded. Your mind is at peace. ((Here it comes. The bible quote of cliche!)) Demons whisper in your ears. Pay them no mind. Speak 'Back you demon. Get thee away from me, Devil." and rest. It was all a bad dream.
...BAHAHAHA!! Crawwwling innn my skiiin! XD God, me, why so emo!? And why so Edwardian!? Lol!
1:00 am
A nightmare of perfect design to create my perfect hell: It warped my beloved grandmother and used my family tormoil to wrack my mind with anguish, doubt, hatred, fear, self loathing, revoltion, and exquisite pain so as to wake me into immobility and directly thrust me into heart wrenching sobs I haven't cried in years. No grandmother who loved me as she did would say such things. I doubt she could ever make such a face. Demon in lamb's wool. No family would do such an atrocity to a child. Hell spawned impersonators.((oh god....)) Calm. Focus. Reality is in your grasp. ((Oh, Jeebus, I'm cracking up typing this! Why so mellow dramatic!? Wait- It gets better!)) Trust the calm memories. These are a farce. She never hated you. You never said cremation. She would never call you that and lock you out. Her shade lies comfortable. He hasn't passed. The moment isn't here. They are not able to hurt you and have no gain. Cold. Hearding. Harden. Sleep. No pain. Your tears are unneeded. Your mind is at peace. ((Here it comes. The bible quote of cliche!)) Demons whisper in your ears. Pay them no mind. Speak 'Back you demon. Get thee away from me, Devil." and rest. It was all a bad dream.
...BAHAHAHA!! Crawwwling innn my skiiin! XD God, me, why so emo!? And why so Edwardian!? Lol!