And how does that make you feel?...
Lately, Tim's always in all of my dreams. In every dream, I start out next to him doing something plain like talking about plants or driving and he has the map or something and then it shifts to an almost nightmare and everything goes to hell and the only thing that keeps me from crying is Tim holding my hand or standing next to me. In last night's, he started to walk away, but I panicked and grabbed him and made him swear that he wouldn't leave me. He was hesitant and I think he was embarrassed at my weakness, but he nodded and took my hand again. This is not one or two dreams. This is a nearly pathological 6 or 7 dreams. I'm obviously afraid because he is growing up and moving out and is engaged and everything. I'm not saying that he shouldn't, and I'm not jealous of him, I want these things for him! I just... we've always been close. We were as close as siblings could be without being conjoined twins. But now he has a fiance and he's going to work on planes and I'm scared. So scared that I will never see my brother again. I don't want him to walk away, to look at anyone else but me for advice, its selfish and unreasonable. I just... I miss my brother. Why can't my brain wrap around the fact that little brothers grow up and get married and move away and sisters only have childhood with them. I can't monopolize him, brain. I don't even really want to. I want him to be happy, and he is. I want him to do well, and he is. Get over it brain, brother is grown. You are proud of him. Stop being so scared. God, its so cliche...
