Paging Dr. Google
The internet is amazing. Like for reals. With the touch of a button you can buy a food processor, teach yourself how to cha cha, learn all about the Russian Gulag, or look at pictures of hilarious cakes. We are living in an age of an abundance of information and our access to EVERYTHING is absolutely off the charts. Nowhere is this more apparent in my life than the emergence of Dr. Google.
Who is Doctor Google? Well, first off, he's an alarmist. I tell him that i have a stuffy nose, he tells me that i probably have Malaria. I tell him that my hair is falling out a bit more than normal, he tells me that i have a brain tumor. And, being me, i believe him. Late, late at night when i can't sleep i'll creep from my bed and by the flickering blue light of my laptop slowly convince myself that i'm likely dying from ebolachronsdiseaselupusdenguefevertesticularcancer. What do you mean i don't have testicles? Oh great. Another thing that's wrong with me.
One night, when i was 12, i was up way too late reading Nancy Drew when i had to sneeze. Not wanting my sleeping mother to know that i was still awake i clamped my mouth shut and did this weird stiffled/internal sneeze thing. Now, here's the thing about sneezes, they need to come out. In reversing my sneeze i felt a searing pain in my lower abdomen, likely straining a muscle or something. But my 12-year old mind immediately jumped to the illustration of the organs of the human body i'd seen in books. In these basic illustrations you don't see the front/back placement of organs, as far as i knew they were all one plane right down the center of my body. I was convinced i'd exploded my right kidney. And if i was unaware of where my kidneys were actually placed in my body i knew their function. To filter blood and assist in removing waste. I lay there, Nancy Drew clutched to my chest, imagining the poisons flowing freely into my body and i waited to die.
I didn't. Just in case you were wondering.
But had i done this same thing today (never mind that i know where my kidneys are now) i would have reached for my trusty iPhone, typed in my query (sneeze/pain/abdomen) and had a plethora of answers, most of which would either inform that i was pregnant and experiencing round ligament pain (dude, that stuff sucks, god i'm so happy i'm not pregnant), blowing up a relatively harmless corpus luteum cyst, or aggravating an abdominal hernia. Or that i had just burst my own appendix and had best get myself to an emergency room.
But really, the long and the short of this post is that Dr. Google is misleading. Chances are that i'm not losing a little more hair than normal because i'm suffering from Kawasaki Syndrome but rather because i'm losing a little weight. And chances are i'm not losing a little weight because i've come down with Polio but rather because i'm averaging one meal a day. The internet and self-diagnosis, you can't hear for all the noise. If you think you actually have Epidemic Typhus, stop looking at the internet and go to a doctor. Putz.
Who is Doctor Google? Well, first off, he's an alarmist. I tell him that i have a stuffy nose, he tells me that i probably have Malaria. I tell him that my hair is falling out a bit more than normal, he tells me that i have a brain tumor. And, being me, i believe him. Late, late at night when i can't sleep i'll creep from my bed and by the flickering blue light of my laptop slowly convince myself that i'm likely dying from ebolachronsdiseaselupusdenguefevertesticularcancer. What do you mean i don't have testicles? Oh great. Another thing that's wrong with me.
One night, when i was 12, i was up way too late reading Nancy Drew when i had to sneeze. Not wanting my sleeping mother to know that i was still awake i clamped my mouth shut and did this weird stiffled/internal sneeze thing. Now, here's the thing about sneezes, they need to come out. In reversing my sneeze i felt a searing pain in my lower abdomen, likely straining a muscle or something. But my 12-year old mind immediately jumped to the illustration of the organs of the human body i'd seen in books. In these basic illustrations you don't see the front/back placement of organs, as far as i knew they were all one plane right down the center of my body. I was convinced i'd exploded my right kidney. And if i was unaware of where my kidneys were actually placed in my body i knew their function. To filter blood and assist in removing waste. I lay there, Nancy Drew clutched to my chest, imagining the poisons flowing freely into my body and i waited to die.
I didn't. Just in case you were wondering.
But had i done this same thing today (never mind that i know where my kidneys are now) i would have reached for my trusty iPhone, typed in my query (sneeze/pain/abdomen) and had a plethora of answers, most of which would either inform that i was pregnant and experiencing round ligament pain (dude, that stuff sucks, god i'm so happy i'm not pregnant), blowing up a relatively harmless corpus luteum cyst, or aggravating an abdominal hernia. Or that i had just burst my own appendix and had best get myself to an emergency room.
But really, the long and the short of this post is that Dr. Google is misleading. Chances are that i'm not losing a little more hair than normal because i'm suffering from Kawasaki Syndrome but rather because i'm losing a little weight. And chances are i'm not losing a little weight because i've come down with Polio but rather because i'm averaging one meal a day. The internet and self-diagnosis, you can't hear for all the noise. If you think you actually have Epidemic Typhus, stop looking at the internet and go to a doctor. Putz.