Damned if you do....
Damned if you dont, thats how I have felt today. Ive had one of those days where I feel like nothing I do will turn out the way its supposed to, almost has me tempted to try doing it the way it would surely screw something up, just to see if it works in reverse.
As I stated earlier, my grandfather passed away last week. Well Ive learned from earlier passings, that I cant just "assume" that my family will notify me of things, So I respectfully requested something of my grandfathers (what I wanted was his navy picture) but I only asked for something like a picture, something small of his to put with my treasures and to eventually pass on to my son. It seems that by asking that I offended some in my family, yet when my grandmother passed I didnt ask...and guess what..I didnt get even a photo of her. :(
Hell my Pop was a wealthy man, its not like I was asking for his house or his car...shit..I only want a momento of who HE was.
So, during all of this my family says "You never contact us"...hello? doesnt the phone line go two ways? dont emails travel two ways?? You know, it makes me jsut want to say "What? I work 14 hours a day, 7 days a week...would it kill you to email me or call and leave a damned message?"
So THEN I find out that my lovely wonderful, awesome exhusband *sarcasm here* had intercepted calls, mail etc from my family and this made my family think I was the one just not wanting them in my life...HELLO?? I was in a f*cking abusive marraige...in a f*cking CULT religion! Most areas of my life were controlled FOR me, but nooo, they dont see it...ya know why? Becz I was f*cking brainwashed into NOT calling the police when the ass would hit me...so there is no "proof"... F*CK Proof...I have the proof..I have the physical challenges to PROVE my ex was and IS an asshole!
Sometimes, times like this...it just makes me furious that people think "if theres no police report, it didnt happen" , or if theres no visible marks, your not abused...Bull shit...
Its all bullshit...and I dont know how to repair my relationships with my family without going totally balistic and telling them every crappy detail of my life for those 15+ years.
*sighs*
I just dont know....
As I stated earlier, my grandfather passed away last week. Well Ive learned from earlier passings, that I cant just "assume" that my family will notify me of things, So I respectfully requested something of my grandfathers (what I wanted was his navy picture) but I only asked for something like a picture, something small of his to put with my treasures and to eventually pass on to my son. It seems that by asking that I offended some in my family, yet when my grandmother passed I didnt ask...and guess what..I didnt get even a photo of her. :(
Hell my Pop was a wealthy man, its not like I was asking for his house or his car...shit..I only want a momento of who HE was.
So, during all of this my family says "You never contact us"...hello? doesnt the phone line go two ways? dont emails travel two ways?? You know, it makes me jsut want to say "What? I work 14 hours a day, 7 days a week...would it kill you to email me or call and leave a damned message?"
So THEN I find out that my lovely wonderful, awesome exhusband *sarcasm here* had intercepted calls, mail etc from my family and this made my family think I was the one just not wanting them in my life...HELLO?? I was in a f*cking abusive marraige...in a f*cking CULT religion! Most areas of my life were controlled FOR me, but nooo, they dont see it...ya know why? Becz I was f*cking brainwashed into NOT calling the police when the ass would hit me...so there is no "proof"... F*CK Proof...I have the proof..I have the physical challenges to PROVE my ex was and IS an asshole!
Sometimes, times like this...it just makes me furious that people think "if theres no police report, it didnt happen" , or if theres no visible marks, your not abused...Bull shit...
Its all bullshit...and I dont know how to repair my relationships with my family without going totally balistic and telling them every crappy detail of my life for those 15+ years.
*sighs*
I just dont know....