Discontentment
Because of my vacation, then a hideously painful kidney stone, and now
a nasty respiratory virus, I have only worked two days in the past
three weeks. This is starting to have a negative effect on my
professional confidence, my place in office politics, and general
self-esteem. Luckily I had enough paid-time-off accrued to cover
it all so at least it's not wrecking my finances too...
And the funny thing is that through all this I've felt like I'm going through some sort of transformation. I think it began during Elf-fest, or maybe just before. I began feeling a discontent with my life in general, a yearning for some wild change. I don't know what that change needs to be, though. I have talked with pandara about such wild schemes as moving out into the wilderness of Lothlorien and living in a yurt. I don't think that is really the answer (at least right now- *wink*), but I know that I need to SOMETHING. I need to be more creative, more in touch with the rhythms of life, more passionate- in essence, more ALIVE.
Maybe I'm just getting burned-out with work. Maybe this is just medication-induced delerium. Maybe it's just a strange outgrowth of my frustration over being sick. Maybe it's just my anxiety over going back to work after being gone so much...
Or maybe it's something deeper, some continuation of the catharsis that I've been going through for the past year, a new phase of this fate-imposed course in self-discovery... ???
And the funny thing is that through all this I've felt like I'm going through some sort of transformation. I think it began during Elf-fest, or maybe just before. I began feeling a discontent with my life in general, a yearning for some wild change. I don't know what that change needs to be, though. I have talked with pandara about such wild schemes as moving out into the wilderness of Lothlorien and living in a yurt. I don't think that is really the answer (at least right now- *wink*), but I know that I need to SOMETHING. I need to be more creative, more in touch with the rhythms of life, more passionate- in essence, more ALIVE.
Maybe I'm just getting burned-out with work. Maybe this is just medication-induced delerium. Maybe it's just a strange outgrowth of my frustration over being sick. Maybe it's just my anxiety over going back to work after being gone so much...
Or maybe it's something deeper, some continuation of the catharsis that I've been going through for the past year, a new phase of this fate-imposed course in self-discovery... ???