Dear John,
Dear Charlie Dad,
I don’t really know where to begin this letter. When you hugged me goodbye, you didn’t really comprehend what kind of goodbye it was. From anyone else it would be ‘goodbye, I’ll see you later’, but this wasn’t, and I’m sorry. You asked me to give you the chance to hug me goodbye, and I did, as well as I could - I just wish you could have known that that was the hug.
I think you know as well as I do that I came here in the first place for mom and not for myself - I know you were confused, as confused as I was by my decision. But I hope you realised after time that I stayed because I wanted to stay. Forks became home - you became that father to me that I’d never allowed you to be - that mom had never allowed you to be. I stayed, because you made it easy for me to stay. We are the same dad, really we are, and I’m glad I got to find that out before it was too late.
I think because of that, you were stunned and not to mention hurt when I ran out on you. I’m sorry I did that, but I knew you’d never let me go unless it was like that - unless I was like mom. But I need you to understand I never wanted to leave Forks - but this is something bigger than you, bigger than Forks. I only wish I could explain. It is because of this, this thing that I have become entwined with that I had to leave the second time.
It is because of this thing that I left the third, and final time.
I don’t expect you to understand dad, but I need you to accept with time. This is nothing horrible, no drugs, nothing like that. I am not in a run in with the law (for surely you would know if I was). This thing (I’m sorry I can’t say more) is the best, most beautiful thing that has ever happened to me - that ever will happen to me. Do not blame Edward, or Carlisle, don’t blame the Cullen’s, or Jake - they all tried to keep me out dad, tried so damn hard, but I was begging to be let in. But mostly dad, please, please, please don’t blame yourself. You could have done nothing better - nothing different. This is not your fault - I chose this path knowingly, and I will not walk it alone, take solace in that fact.
Dad, you will be confused now, as to how I knew what was coming - how I knew that this would be the end, but I’m sorry, I cannot tell you. No one is to blame - I walked willingly into the light, and my only regret is that our time together was so broken. Dad, you mean to absolute world to me, and those few short years were the best years of my life. Take comfort in those around you - in Billy, in Jake, they are family and you need each other. Tell them I love them - mom too. Please be comforted by the fact that I am happy where I am - and help Jake to realise this too.
I’m sorry, I love you - I wish I could have explained better, but don’t cry for me (I know you will), I’m happy where I am - I’m where I want to be.
I just wish you could have come with me.
- Bella
He whimpers in the candlelight (the full light breaks his heart - Jacob was her sunlight, but did she ever realise - ever know, that it was she, Bella, that brightened up his day?).
He reread her words once, twice, thrice - once for each time she’d slipped away after finding him again, and it was only then that he realised she was never coming home - that she would never sleep in that bed (with the window open wide), that that red truck would never rumble loudly down the road. She would become just another shadow in his life - another decoration in this house that he would never pack away (for fear she would be lost forever).
The news of her death had stunned him that day, and now, now to see she knew it was coming - he was broken in a mess of unknowing, as the tears slipped one after the other down his cheeks, mixing with the teardrops that already stained her words. (the tear drops were identical).
Somewhere far away, she thrashed, and screamed on the cold, hard floor - her skin shining softly in the moonlight.
That night was the last night he cried for her.
(And her - her last tears had fallen for him).