(no subject)
My head was throbbing earlier, i took a two hour nap though. It helped.
I'm kinda depressed with myself. We made twos at state contest for starters. Stephen told me that he didn't have to work Yesterday, today and tomorrow. He had a track meet yesterday, and i had to work..so we didn't talk for long last night. Today, he calls me at three and tells me he's got to work. Not only did he say that, but he said he'd call me right back, which he never did. And i know that I'm stupid and selfish for getting upset cause of that, but i can't help it. I love being with him, even if its not in person. And every second counts. Am i being that rediculous? Am i the only one that sees how he not calling me is bad news? I ask myself over and over again what the FUCK is wrong with me? I used to consider myself reasonable. Now, i don't know what to think of myself. Suddenly i'm smiling at the thought of the most outrageous things, for me that is. And I get angry at the dumbest things. I'm impatiently waiting by the phone and staring at it intensely, assuming that it will make him call faster. I make up absolutely absurd reasons for why he hasn't called like, he was in a car wreck and his car fliped over fifteen times and he's lying in a ditch somewhere. Come on...what is that? That's not me talking. For someone so optimistic, i sure am being pessimistic. He's doing things to my mind. He's making me question myself. He's challenging me. This is what love is really like?
I'm kinda depressed with myself. We made twos at state contest for starters. Stephen told me that he didn't have to work Yesterday, today and tomorrow. He had a track meet yesterday, and i had to work..so we didn't talk for long last night. Today, he calls me at three and tells me he's got to work. Not only did he say that, but he said he'd call me right back, which he never did. And i know that I'm stupid and selfish for getting upset cause of that, but i can't help it. I love being with him, even if its not in person. And every second counts. Am i being that rediculous? Am i the only one that sees how he not calling me is bad news? I ask myself over and over again what the FUCK is wrong with me? I used to consider myself reasonable. Now, i don't know what to think of myself. Suddenly i'm smiling at the thought of the most outrageous things, for me that is. And I get angry at the dumbest things. I'm impatiently waiting by the phone and staring at it intensely, assuming that it will make him call faster. I make up absolutely absurd reasons for why he hasn't called like, he was in a car wreck and his car fliped over fifteen times and he's lying in a ditch somewhere. Come on...what is that? That's not me talking. For someone so optimistic, i sure am being pessimistic. He's doing things to my mind. He's making me question myself. He's challenging me. This is what love is really like?