the pressure
becomes more intense as i search deep for a place to belong.
i want, somebody to want me,
to need and to have me be a part of their life.
perhaps be the part of their life that
makes them smile.
or at least part of it.
everyday is the beginning of the stuggle
for me to fight off the
deeply rooted loneliness that i feel everyday of my life.
walking down the street, seeing people together,
laughter joking, friendship. they have
it all. everything ive always wanted
yet exactly what i do not have.
too much.
there is a burning within me that reaches out
desperately
to anyone whom would be williing to take hold of me
to take me hand, embrace me
and love me for the imperfect fragile
being that i have become.
i remember a time when i was happy.
friends, school, work, play
stay up all night on the phone
sleep all day
movies, malls, walks, restraunts, guys , girls
everything.
it was everything to me to be included
in the lives of those who cared.
who cared to have me,
and felt as if a part of them would die without me.
i no longer have that.
i have this computer.
i have these walls, these keys, this life.
and myself.
i am alone.
wanting to leave here, escape this place
start fresh and new. new people
new oppurtunity, a new beginning for me
to expierence and be a part of a world somewhere
completely different
where nobody knows my name, and
i can be whomever i want to be.
here, in all its patheticness.
everyone is so fake. nothing is real.
matter, it is an illusion
and the things you once clinged too
are gone.
where is the inspiration to go on?
i am alone, and my world is empty.
there is me, and there is nothing.
my spirit is broken my heart is cold and dead.
why should i continue to subject me self to this pain.
i just want it to stop.
i need to gain strength
and stability
in order to maintain
how.....
i want, somebody to want me,
to need and to have me be a part of their life.
perhaps be the part of their life that
makes them smile.
or at least part of it.
everyday is the beginning of the stuggle
for me to fight off the
deeply rooted loneliness that i feel everyday of my life.
walking down the street, seeing people together,
laughter joking, friendship. they have
it all. everything ive always wanted
yet exactly what i do not have.
too much.
there is a burning within me that reaches out
desperately
to anyone whom would be williing to take hold of me
to take me hand, embrace me
and love me for the imperfect fragile
being that i have become.
i remember a time when i was happy.
friends, school, work, play
stay up all night on the phone
sleep all day
movies, malls, walks, restraunts, guys , girls
everything.
it was everything to me to be included
in the lives of those who cared.
who cared to have me,
and felt as if a part of them would die without me.
i no longer have that.
i have this computer.
i have these walls, these keys, this life.
and myself.
i am alone.
wanting to leave here, escape this place
start fresh and new. new people
new oppurtunity, a new beginning for me
to expierence and be a part of a world somewhere
completely different
where nobody knows my name, and
i can be whomever i want to be.
here, in all its patheticness.
everyone is so fake. nothing is real.
matter, it is an illusion
and the things you once clinged too
are gone.
where is the inspiration to go on?
i am alone, and my world is empty.
there is me, and there is nothing.
my spirit is broken my heart is cold and dead.
why should i continue to subject me self to this pain.
i just want it to stop.
i need to gain strength
and stability
in order to maintain
how.....