It's part of a bigger picture...
Well, once again, I have gone AGES without updating. I'm sorry about that. I really am...
Dave and I broke up almost four weeks ago. Because we were living together and it was "his place", I had to get the hell out of there pretty quickly for the sake of my sanity...
I know that I kept to myself more than I should have, but I didn't want to be one of those people that badmouths their significant other one day only to say [the very next day] that they are the most wonderful person to grace the earth. So yes, like many couples we had problems and challenges to face. I wanted to think that things were going to permanently improve. But alas, things would TEMPORARILY improve only to get bad again (and be worse than before). I was so devastated when Dave first brought up the subject of breaking up--I was really hysterical. But then just days later, I fully accepted and admitted that it was definitely over. I had taken a good, long, hard look at our relationship and decided that it was best to part ways...
Dave and I were not on the same page [any more] when it came to the goals of the relationship. Over a year ago, he said that we would probably end up getting married and having a child. But months later, he was saying that he never wanted to ever be married again or have any more children (he has three kids from two previous marriages). When I first heard that, I just thought that because of all the stress and such that he didn't mean it--he was wishy-washy. I had naively hoped that he would change his mind back....But of course, I realized that I couldn't make that happen. Somebody simply cannot be forced to change.
He was not over his ex-wife, Dayna, like I had previously thought. Now I understand that because they have two children together they will be in constant contact. I accepted that and got along great with Dayna...But it was the way he would drone on about the things they did together and the expressions conveyed that he was indeed still reeling from the divorce. He would also compare me to her constantly.
When it came to activities, I would usually want to go to the beach or hang around somewhere, while all he wanted to do was play Kingdoms of Camelot on Facebook. I tried to be very understanding. But it got difficult once I would get ignored a great deal of the time because he wanted to chat with the very people he had already been talking to for hours. I mean jeez, I could barely talk about my day at work!!! That was asking too much apparently!!
Like I mentioned above, it seemed like he would rarely listen to me when I wanted to talk about what was happening in the present...Yet, it was perfectly okay for him to drone on and on and on about something that happened 20+ years before...
There were several occasions when I overheard him telling somebody else (a good friend or sibling) something important that I had not heard. I felt left out of the loop. Now shouldn't I have been among the first (if not, the first) to know about something since I was a significant other??? I was very hurt by that. He, of course, said that he simply forgot to tell me. Really that many times???
It seemed like I was always bending over backwards to accomodate him--we would watch his type of movies, go to places he liked. But he would rarely do the same for me. Dave would gripe up a storm about my kinds of movies and scoff at any suggestions I had as far as going places.
So yes, I decided that it really was over. Like I had mentioned, I was hysterical at first, but then I was able to think rationally about the whole situation. I am more resilient than I had previously given myself credit for...Instead of seeing this in a completely negative light, I see it as part of a bigger picture. I probably would not have come to Florida had it not been for Dave.
Since I like Florida so much and have a decent job here, I wanted to stay...I got my stuff together and got my own apartment in Clearwater. I brought the kitties--Jesse, Lucy, and Mally--with me =)
Dave and I broke up almost four weeks ago. Because we were living together and it was "his place", I had to get the hell out of there pretty quickly for the sake of my sanity...
I know that I kept to myself more than I should have, but I didn't want to be one of those people that badmouths their significant other one day only to say [the very next day] that they are the most wonderful person to grace the earth. So yes, like many couples we had problems and challenges to face. I wanted to think that things were going to permanently improve. But alas, things would TEMPORARILY improve only to get bad again (and be worse than before). I was so devastated when Dave first brought up the subject of breaking up--I was really hysterical. But then just days later, I fully accepted and admitted that it was definitely over. I had taken a good, long, hard look at our relationship and decided that it was best to part ways...
Dave and I were not on the same page [any more] when it came to the goals of the relationship. Over a year ago, he said that we would probably end up getting married and having a child. But months later, he was saying that he never wanted to ever be married again or have any more children (he has three kids from two previous marriages). When I first heard that, I just thought that because of all the stress and such that he didn't mean it--he was wishy-washy. I had naively hoped that he would change his mind back....But of course, I realized that I couldn't make that happen. Somebody simply cannot be forced to change.
He was not over his ex-wife, Dayna, like I had previously thought. Now I understand that because they have two children together they will be in constant contact. I accepted that and got along great with Dayna...But it was the way he would drone on about the things they did together and the expressions conveyed that he was indeed still reeling from the divorce. He would also compare me to her constantly.
When it came to activities, I would usually want to go to the beach or hang around somewhere, while all he wanted to do was play Kingdoms of Camelot on Facebook. I tried to be very understanding. But it got difficult once I would get ignored a great deal of the time because he wanted to chat with the very people he had already been talking to for hours. I mean jeez, I could barely talk about my day at work!!! That was asking too much apparently!!
Like I mentioned above, it seemed like he would rarely listen to me when I wanted to talk about what was happening in the present...Yet, it was perfectly okay for him to drone on and on and on about something that happened 20+ years before...
There were several occasions when I overheard him telling somebody else (a good friend or sibling) something important that I had not heard. I felt left out of the loop. Now shouldn't I have been among the first (if not, the first) to know about something since I was a significant other??? I was very hurt by that. He, of course, said that he simply forgot to tell me. Really that many times???
It seemed like I was always bending over backwards to accomodate him--we would watch his type of movies, go to places he liked. But he would rarely do the same for me. Dave would gripe up a storm about my kinds of movies and scoff at any suggestions I had as far as going places.
So yes, I decided that it really was over. Like I had mentioned, I was hysterical at first, but then I was able to think rationally about the whole situation. I am more resilient than I had previously given myself credit for...Instead of seeing this in a completely negative light, I see it as part of a bigger picture. I probably would not have come to Florida had it not been for Dave.
Since I like Florida so much and have a decent job here, I wanted to stay...I got my stuff together and got my own apartment in Clearwater. I brought the kitties--Jesse, Lucy, and Mally--with me =)