ophelia, your secret is safe
i'll get right down to it: i haven't been writing in here much lately not for lack of thoughts, but for lack of interest in sharing them via the internet. for the first time in over a year i've taken to writing in an actual journal - you may remember those - you can actually feel them in your hands. it's so odd. for the longest time that was all i ever used, and then for years i was able to balance using this and that. eventually though i backed off on the hard copy and nestled into this. now i'm not sure what i'm doing.
that's my general theme right now: what am i doing? no, really, what? i'm having a hard time finding the balance between my professional and personal lives. i have so much emotional drama going on personally that it's starting to leak into work, and i loathe that. just yesterday i was in my friend's office and by the time i left 30 minutes later, we had both cried. i cannot stand being that vulnerable in such a public place - i feel like a wounded antelope walking past a pride of lions.
there's no end in sight to the state of potential or actual flux, either. it's my new constant. it's one of the more challenging times of my life and as always during times like this, i can only hope that i'll come out on the other side feeling as much pride in having done it as relief for it to be over.
at least the new tori album is out. i find these lyrics particularly fitting:
"remember: change waltzes in with her sister pain
waiting for you to send her away
wish her well
break the chain"
that's my general theme right now: what am i doing? no, really, what? i'm having a hard time finding the balance between my professional and personal lives. i have so much emotional drama going on personally that it's starting to leak into work, and i loathe that. just yesterday i was in my friend's office and by the time i left 30 minutes later, we had both cried. i cannot stand being that vulnerable in such a public place - i feel like a wounded antelope walking past a pride of lions.
there's no end in sight to the state of potential or actual flux, either. it's my new constant. it's one of the more challenging times of my life and as always during times like this, i can only hope that i'll come out on the other side feeling as much pride in having done it as relief for it to be over.
at least the new tori album is out. i find these lyrics particularly fitting:
"remember: change waltzes in with her sister pain
waiting for you to send her away
wish her well
break the chain"