i rehearse the things i'm going to say in relationship counseling.simultaneityMarch 17 2006, 08:10:31 UTC
what i meant was 1. there is more than one possible match for each person- we are not looking, really, for The One. we are looking for Some One (or rather, we will find someone when the time is right.) 2. it is still too hard for me to picture myself with one person for "the rest of my life" at all, ideal or adequate. :)
i would like to paraphrase (correct) yr statement: 8 out of 11 friends say "i am currently with someone who i can imagine myself being with for the rest of my life" or something to that effect.
the problem with even my improved version of this sentiment is that i think it's normal for people (adults) to feel this way in in every relationship they have. what you're observing is not that 73% of yr friends have found their (potential) lifemates, but that these friends happen to be in relationships where the focus is LOVE (+ all the fun stuff of course) rather than just orgasms & cheese fries. therefore, what you're saying is "73% of my friends are in committed relationships"!! am i right? are there 8 "taken" people & 3 "single" people? :)
you won't find somebody who matches perfectly. none of us will. and i don't think yr values are all that condradicty. the northwest (probably ANY urban area, at least on a coast) is full of socially conscious capitalist scumbags, and this particular combination of values is even more common among our generation than among the people who are doing most of the buying today.
please keep the freakouts to a perfunctory level, if you must have them at all. the bus image is perfect- the thing about a bus is that people are always getting on & off it!
talking about human relationships is your strengthautumn_auguryMarch 17 2006, 10:17:29 UTC
some people do actually use the words "the one". i know you are more careful with your words and object to the idea of "the one", but some people aren't like that.
realistically, "the rest of my life" in a literal sense is an outdated concept, but it's still romantic and people still like the idea. it points to a future together. it creates certainty and stability when people are looking for those things. in one of the comments in the thread you linked to, someone said "every long term relationship i've ever had has been forever in my mind." when people say "forever" and "the rest of my life", they're really just talking about a long-term committed relationship, because no one can say whether a relationship will end. that's the kind of relationship to which i refer. really, what is the difference between a "potential lifemate" and "long-term committed relationship"?
by "matching perfectly", i meant "our important values (where to live, children, certain aspects of how to live) are in alignment, our personalities work well together, and we love each other". a more "perfect" match than that probably doesn't exist, like you said.
1. there is more than one possible match for each person- we are not looking, really, for The One. we are looking for Some One (or rather, we will find someone when the time is right.)
2. it is still too hard for me to picture myself with one person for "the rest of my life" at all, ideal or adequate. :)
i would like to paraphrase (correct) yr statement:
8 out of 11 friends say "i am currently with someone who i can imagine myself being with for the rest of my life" or something to that effect.
the problem with even my improved version of this sentiment is that i think it's normal for people (adults) to feel this way in in every relationship they have. what you're observing is not that 73% of yr friends have found their (potential) lifemates, but that these friends happen to be in relationships where the focus is LOVE (+ all the fun stuff of course) rather than just orgasms & cheese fries. therefore, what you're saying is "73% of my friends are in committed relationships"!! am i right? are there 8 "taken" people & 3 "single" people? :)
you won't find somebody who matches perfectly. none of us will. and i don't think yr values are all that condradicty. the northwest (probably ANY urban area, at least on a coast) is full of socially conscious capitalist scumbags, and this particular combination of values is even more common among our generation than among the people who are doing most of the buying today.
please keep the freakouts to a perfunctory level, if you must have them at all. the bus image is perfect- the thing about a bus is that people are always getting on & off it!
also, this thread is relevant.
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realistically, "the rest of my life" in a literal sense is an outdated concept, but it's still romantic and people still like the idea. it points to a future together. it creates certainty and stability when people are looking for those things. in one of the comments in the thread you linked to, someone said "every long term relationship i've ever had has been forever in my mind." when people say "forever" and "the rest of my life", they're really just talking about a long-term committed relationship, because no one can say whether a relationship will end. that's the kind of relationship to which i refer. really, what is the difference between a "potential lifemate" and "long-term committed relationship"?
by "matching perfectly", i meant "our important values (where to live, children, certain aspects of how to live) are in alignment, our personalities work well together, and we love each other". a more "perfect" match than that probably doesn't exist, like you said.
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