(no subject)
i don't know what I'm supposed to do. Somewhere along the line it became my job to make everyone happy, and right now I cant make anyone happy. I feel like everyone says one thing to me and then does another. Or does one thing and then says another. I feel like I'm being betrayed by almost everyone, and i don't know why. I only know that the last time I felt like this, I was right. I feel like I don't, don't, DON'T want to be who I am "supposed" to be. I want to be who I used to be. I used to like waking up in the morning. I used to do anything to make myself and anyone else laugh. I used to be fearless. Now I suck.
I feel like I'm the only person who is expected to follow "rules", so to speak, of social conduct. I feel like my life lately has been one big, drawn out display of "It's ok for you to do this but not for me."
I miss when I was allowed to just be myself and people liked it. I miss being free with my emotions. I miss not being scared. I miss myself, I miss my life, and I'm taking it back. I've been bleeding to death for the sake of everyone else for so long, and no one has even stopped to offer me a proverbial tissue. I feel like no one has even noticed. Is it cruelty? Selfishness? I don't know what made my life the way it was but it doesn't work for me. That's all I know.
And I hate that even now, I feel like I'm way down on the list of "People Whose Opinions Count When I Make Changes In My Life".
its not fair.
its been so long since i have felt free to be myself all the way.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I need.
I think it's time i figured that all out.
I feel like I'm the only person who is expected to follow "rules", so to speak, of social conduct. I feel like my life lately has been one big, drawn out display of "It's ok for you to do this but not for me."
I miss when I was allowed to just be myself and people liked it. I miss being free with my emotions. I miss not being scared. I miss myself, I miss my life, and I'm taking it back. I've been bleeding to death for the sake of everyone else for so long, and no one has even stopped to offer me a proverbial tissue. I feel like no one has even noticed. Is it cruelty? Selfishness? I don't know what made my life the way it was but it doesn't work for me. That's all I know.
And I hate that even now, I feel like I'm way down on the list of "People Whose Opinions Count When I Make Changes In My Life".
its not fair.
its been so long since i have felt free to be myself all the way.
I don't know who I am.
I don't know what I want.
I don't know what I need.
I think it's time i figured that all out.