(no subject)
Welp not much going on lately, my car is pretty much fixed Jer still has it at his house because he wants to look at one more thing tomorrow but after that it will be completly done and back here with it's momma lol. Jer and I were kind of "talking" but after a while i realized that i'm still not ready to be with some one. I thought maybe after all the Josh shit finally ended that i could maybe move on but i was wrong. Well i've moved on from Josh so to speak but i'm just not ready to get into any form of relationship with anyone even a not physical relationship.
I havn't done anything at all the past couple days just been hanging out with the baby i want to spend as much time as i can with him before school starts. But i tomrrow night i'm going out to see the Lantern Jacks at the Island, i know that will be fun and there band is really good.
Well i know i shouldn't even be saying anything on this topic but it's honestly just aggervating me and i have to let it out. Well the other night Joshua's friend BK IM'ed me on Josh's screen name and we were talking blah blah and then he started saying shit about how Josh misses me and wants to see the baby and all that shit and how he loves me and whatever, but yeah that pisses me off because if he loved me so much and loved his son then why couldn't of done one simple thing and gave up drugs and drinking? Huh? I've gave up my entire life it will never be just me i'm happy about giving up my life and spending the rest of my life with Lucas so why couldn't Josh have felt like that? And now i just feel that if he loved his son at all he would understand that he isn't a good person for Lucas and just leave us be untill he grows up and straightens out his life. And then today BK IM's Jessica and starts saying a bunch out shit and how Josh is a good father and how he hasn't done drugs for 2 months but yeah fuck off buddy considering the fact that Josh showed up at Jessicas house a few weeks ago on "E" and was telling me all about his drug problems. And hoe exactly can anyone say Josh is a good father no one at this point can know if he is or isn't considering the kid hasn't done not one thing for his son and when he was aloud to visit Lucas he just sat there playing video games and wouldn't even hold, talk or show any interest in him what so ever. But this is the best part BK said that Josh was really depressed about all this lmao that is the biggest piece of bullshit i've ever heard in my entire life Josh doesn't have feelings Josh doesn't care about anyone but his self and Josh sure as hell isn't depressed about me or my son not being in his life. And i just could never imagine Josh feeling remores for anything he does considering he has done some very horrible things to lots of people and has never felt remorse so why all of a sudden? I'm sure IF Josh is depressed it's the after affects of all the god damn "E" he has taken the past year...so yeah fuck off...god i try so hard not to get mad but i'm just so sick of him pretending that he is this great person when every one knows that he is nothing but an awful person as harsh as that may be he is. And he needs to leave his son be i take damn good care of him and i make sure to love him enough for myself and Josh so he never feels the affects of his father not being around. So side note to Josh if you read this just leave him alone you know deep down inside that your not good for him that you do things that if Lucas ever found out about would fuck him up and make him hate you so just leave him alone untill you honestly figure out what the hell your doing and where the fuck your life is going because right now the best thing for you son that you supposedly love so much is you to stay away from him and get your shit together.
Sorry about all that i just had to get it off my chest and i can exactly talk to Josh about this because all he will do is lie and try to defend himself and i honestly am sick of hearing it so...thanks livejournal for listening lol.
I havn't done anything at all the past couple days just been hanging out with the baby i want to spend as much time as i can with him before school starts. But i tomrrow night i'm going out to see the Lantern Jacks at the Island, i know that will be fun and there band is really good.
Well i know i shouldn't even be saying anything on this topic but it's honestly just aggervating me and i have to let it out. Well the other night Joshua's friend BK IM'ed me on Josh's screen name and we were talking blah blah and then he started saying shit about how Josh misses me and wants to see the baby and all that shit and how he loves me and whatever, but yeah that pisses me off because if he loved me so much and loved his son then why couldn't of done one simple thing and gave up drugs and drinking? Huh? I've gave up my entire life it will never be just me i'm happy about giving up my life and spending the rest of my life with Lucas so why couldn't Josh have felt like that? And now i just feel that if he loved his son at all he would understand that he isn't a good person for Lucas and just leave us be untill he grows up and straightens out his life. And then today BK IM's Jessica and starts saying a bunch out shit and how Josh is a good father and how he hasn't done drugs for 2 months but yeah fuck off buddy considering the fact that Josh showed up at Jessicas house a few weeks ago on "E" and was telling me all about his drug problems. And hoe exactly can anyone say Josh is a good father no one at this point can know if he is or isn't considering the kid hasn't done not one thing for his son and when he was aloud to visit Lucas he just sat there playing video games and wouldn't even hold, talk or show any interest in him what so ever. But this is the best part BK said that Josh was really depressed about all this lmao that is the biggest piece of bullshit i've ever heard in my entire life Josh doesn't have feelings Josh doesn't care about anyone but his self and Josh sure as hell isn't depressed about me or my son not being in his life. And i just could never imagine Josh feeling remores for anything he does considering he has done some very horrible things to lots of people and has never felt remorse so why all of a sudden? I'm sure IF Josh is depressed it's the after affects of all the god damn "E" he has taken the past year...so yeah fuck off...god i try so hard not to get mad but i'm just so sick of him pretending that he is this great person when every one knows that he is nothing but an awful person as harsh as that may be he is. And he needs to leave his son be i take damn good care of him and i make sure to love him enough for myself and Josh so he never feels the affects of his father not being around. So side note to Josh if you read this just leave him alone you know deep down inside that your not good for him that you do things that if Lucas ever found out about would fuck him up and make him hate you so just leave him alone untill you honestly figure out what the hell your doing and where the fuck your life is going because right now the best thing for you son that you supposedly love so much is you to stay away from him and get your shit together.
Sorry about all that i just had to get it off my chest and i can exactly talk to Josh about this because all he will do is lie and try to defend himself and i honestly am sick of hearing it so...thanks livejournal for listening lol.