Heart Breaker
Well I'm a
Heart Breaker
Dream Maker
Love Maker don'tcha mess around with me, no no...
yeah its really not that funny at all and I really really really hate myself for it.
I had to draw a line last night. And I really hurt someone in the process. It just makes sense though. I think I've just been vulnerable lately. I've been so caught up in how nobody ever likes me. (the only other person that ever liked me was my friend ray) So I think I was really happy that someone actually liked me. But I can't go along with it for that. I mean, I'm really friggen lonely, and the company was really nice to have but I can't use him for that. I've never felt this way before. I've always been that man-hating bitch. I've always been so independant. Now all of a sudden I just feel vulnerable. He's a nice guy and all and he's my friend, and thats why i don't want to hurt him. Cause I definately will, I'm notorious for it. Not that I didn't hurt him last night. I feel really horrible but it had to be done. Besides theres someone else that I just don't have a chance in the world with but I still think about all the time. It wouldn't be fair to my friend if I were with him to be thinking about someone else all the time. And besides, he JUST broke up with his girlfriend. Like 2 weeks ago. And he argued that that shouldn't have anything to do with it, but to me, this soon is practically cheating. Even though its not, it just feels like I'd be "that other person". And the girl he broke up with is still my friend. In fact, I was friends with her before he even knew her. So to go on with it would definately put me in an awkward place. So even though last night was painful, I think it was the least amount of pain that would have happened. For everyone. I know I did the right thing, but now I'm worried about my friend. He didn't take it well at ALL. He's pretty upset. I mean, I would be too. I have been. It feels like just yesterday I was on the other side of all this. I'm still not over it. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone, but now I've caused it. I feel like shit. All of this makes me hate myself. Its one of those "if it were under other circumstances" kind of things... which also makes it hard. I wonder if I should have given him more of a chance... but at the same time, I feel like theres just too much at risk to do that. But I'm glad I got everything off my chest. I feel better now. I just wish I could make him feel better.
Heart Breaker
Dream Maker
Love Maker don'tcha mess around with me, no no...
yeah its really not that funny at all and I really really really hate myself for it.
I had to draw a line last night. And I really hurt someone in the process. It just makes sense though. I think I've just been vulnerable lately. I've been so caught up in how nobody ever likes me. (the only other person that ever liked me was my friend ray) So I think I was really happy that someone actually liked me. But I can't go along with it for that. I mean, I'm really friggen lonely, and the company was really nice to have but I can't use him for that. I've never felt this way before. I've always been that man-hating bitch. I've always been so independant. Now all of a sudden I just feel vulnerable. He's a nice guy and all and he's my friend, and thats why i don't want to hurt him. Cause I definately will, I'm notorious for it. Not that I didn't hurt him last night. I feel really horrible but it had to be done. Besides theres someone else that I just don't have a chance in the world with but I still think about all the time. It wouldn't be fair to my friend if I were with him to be thinking about someone else all the time. And besides, he JUST broke up with his girlfriend. Like 2 weeks ago. And he argued that that shouldn't have anything to do with it, but to me, this soon is practically cheating. Even though its not, it just feels like I'd be "that other person". And the girl he broke up with is still my friend. In fact, I was friends with her before he even knew her. So to go on with it would definately put me in an awkward place. So even though last night was painful, I think it was the least amount of pain that would have happened. For everyone. I know I did the right thing, but now I'm worried about my friend. He didn't take it well at ALL. He's pretty upset. I mean, I would be too. I have been. It feels like just yesterday I was on the other side of all this. I'm still not over it. I wouldn't wish that kind of pain on anyone, but now I've caused it. I feel like shit. All of this makes me hate myself. Its one of those "if it were under other circumstances" kind of things... which also makes it hard. I wonder if I should have given him more of a chance... but at the same time, I feel like theres just too much at risk to do that. But I'm glad I got everything off my chest. I feel better now. I just wish I could make him feel better.