(no subject)

[autum_in_chains]

what is someone supposed to do or think? everything so often seems like it isnt real anyways, its confusing and bothersome. i have to admit that at the current point in time i am quite distressed. today there was an annoucment at school about a boy, a senior at my school named ben who died last night. he was hit by a car crossing the street. when i was going to walk into my first hour class, i stopped and looked to my right, and saw kaylee crying, and i went over to see if she was ok. she had said a freind died last night, and i hugged her and tried to comfort her, but then i had to go to class. when my teacher read the e-mail, i didnt recognize his name. i was a bit relieved, because death is always harder even if you slightly know the person. i knew even before i saw kaylee this morning that something was wrong, because when i got to school early, there was an anouncement telling the teachers to read off the e mail theyd been sent. so, while waiting curiously in class for the announcement that nobody else knew about, i was thinking wether or not i knew the kid. i knew i didnt know many seniors at my school, and that it wasnt very likely, so when i didnt recognize the name i was empatheticly relieved. that peace of mind would only hold out untill my lunch hour. cory came up to me while i was eating my fries, and he looked distressed. i asked if he was ok. he replied with a quivering "ben asked me to go with him last night. it could have been me." i could tell he was trying to hold back tears when he told me "you know he was in our acting class right? he was the kid who sat right in front of me." and then i noticed some tears going down his face as he struggled to finish eating his bite sized snickers bar. i sortof panicked and was confused and asked what he looked like and when he described him to me, i then recognized the smilling face that had once comforted me when i was having a bad day by saying, "dont worry, ill be your freind." i dont think ive ever not seen a smile on his face. even though i dont know him very wel, you still have to appreciate that. he was always so nice to me. to everyone. and might i mention he was one of the most talented actors in our class. he was hilarious. i know i didnt know him as well as other freinds of his, but i will never forget the time that he made me feel better when i felt like i was alone and without a freind to my name when it was the begining of the school year. i dont know all the details of everything but ill be sure to update as soon as i aquire the information.
its just really hard, to think that from now on, theres going to be a missing space in my 7th hour. one less talented soul on the stage, giving everythin he had to collaborate for improv. i think now of the poem he read when we had to do poetry readings. i cant remember who it was by or what it was called, but he had said it was his favorite poems. he read it unscripted, memorized, and read it very well.
i have to go now, because im in my english block class and were obviously in the computer lab, but wel be having to go back to the classroom soon. im absolutely rithingly dreading going to my 7th hour, its going to be really hard.

aUTuMN birdie 40