Bandom: Shadowboxing
Fandom: Bandom
Pairing: Bob and Frank friendship
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,531
Spoilers: n/a
Warnings: Eating disorders.
Author's Note: This takes place after this interview. Written for hc_bingo for the body dysmorphic disorder square. And it’s for the bingo! Beta by saekokato.
Disclaimer: Everyone here belongs to themselves.
Summary: Bob wears black and makes sure that all parts of his body are always covered when he’s out in public.
Shadowboxing
Bob wears black and makes sure that all parts of his body are always covered when he’s out in public. He hates cameras that document him and then put his image on the internet, spiders, and little shits who make him look stupid in interviews.
The moment they make it back to their bus, Bob grabs Frank by the hair and drags him into the back.
Frank protests vehemently, and then he goes very still.
“Good,” Bob says. Then, “What the fuck, Iero?”
“Anorexia’s a serious thing, man,” Frank mutters.
Bob growls. He knows anorexia’s a serious thing. He knows all about it. But his pudge is gone, and that was the ultimate goal. He won the war against his body, a war that’s been going on since Bob’s freshmen year of high school when a senior called out to him, “Hey, fatty!” That was Bob’s first fist fight. He had in-school for a week.
However, just because the war is over doesn’t mean Bob doesn’t need to keep constant vigilance.
Bob’s grip on Frank’s hair relaxes, and Frank wastes no time shoving himself into Bob’s personal space. Space that Bob loves to keep personal.
Bob growls again.
Frank bites at Bob’s jaw line and tugs at Bob’s clothing, fingers digging into Bob’s waist. “Should I feed you a Twinkie or something?”
Frank means it as a joke, but Bob recoils, and once he recovers, he punches Frank in the gut and leaves the room. He spends the rest of the night in his bunk fuming and listening to Return to Forever. And he definitely ignores his phone whenever it rings, which is often.
Bob ends up turning it off.
-
Bob spends the next day ignoring everyone - mostly Frank. He’s probably imagining the looks everyone keeps giving him. The worst culprits are Ray and Gerard.
They play their set, and it could be better. It could always be better. Bob pushes himself, but he’s still not good enough for the band. He’s just glad the rest of his band doesn’t acknowledge that.
-
Gerard joins Bob out by the bus after takedown. Bob’s on his third cigarette, mostly because he wants an excuse not to go back inside until the buses leave. But Frank sent out Gerard, and Bob has issues saying no to Gerard about certain things.
“The interview is already on YouTube,” Gerard says softly.
Bob snorts. Of course it is. Bob’s only surprised Brian hasn’t called him up. But that might have something to do with the fact Bob’s phone is still off. And under the pillow in his bunk.
“Is that what it is, Bob?” Gerard asks. He doesn’t look at Bob, but his tone of voice tells Bob everything he needs to know: Gerard wants to save him.
Bob doesn’t need to be saved.
“Was,” Bob finds himself saying, because he can’t lie to Gerard. Even if Frank had sent him out for the sole purpose of fact-finding. “That’s what it was.” It was mostly after he graduated college, but he’s programmed his mind to function that way, and traveling makes it just that much easier. But it’s not that anymore. He’s still unhappy with his waistline, but he’s shaved a bit of his beard to show his jaw line. And he has no problem showing off his legs. He likes his legs now. Well, his legs below his knees.
“Bob,” Gerard says. And Gerard knows. Of course Gerard knows. Bob had seen it in all of its miserable decent.
“I know,” Bob says.
“Go back to Frank,” Gerard suggests. “He’s beating himself up.”
Bob raises an eyebrow and wants to demand how Gerard can tell. But he doesn’t.
“Okay,” Bob says. He’s not going to go back to Frank. He’s going to go on the bus where Frank isn’t.
As he heads onto the buses, he hears Gerard say almost under his breath, “It’s never the past tense.”
-
The next night, the set is worse than before. Bob blames himself, but he can’t completely blame himself. He didn’t trip Mikey on Gerard’s mike wire. Bob’s all too happy about the attention being on Mikey instead of him.
-
Hotel night. Bob had been looking forward to it. To a bed. But now, now hotel night is a whole night trapped in a room with Frank. Bob can trade rooms, but someone will force him to talk. Bob doesn’t want to talk to Frank, but he wants to talk to Gerard even less.
Frank is pacing when Bob finally gives up chain smoking in the parking lot. Frank turns to him, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s waiting for Bob to make the first move.
Patience and Frank have never mixed well, so Frank ends up saying, “I’m an idiot.” That’s as close to an apology as Frank’s going to give, but Bob’ll take it.
“I know,” Bob says.
“I didn’t know,” Frank continues.
Bob glares. That’s the point. No one was supposed to know. It was personal.
“I liked your tummy,” Frank confesses. He doesn’t look at Bob when he says it.
Bob doesn’t miss it, but he doesn’t say so. He also doesn’t say that there’s still work to be done. Except Brain will be joining them tomorrow, and Bob knows he can’t escape it. And the entire band has been watching his every move with intense scrutiny. It’s not going to stop.
Frank catches on to Bob’s silence.
“No, seriously,” he says. “If I wanted to cuddle with a bag of bones, I’d cuddle with Mikey.”
Bob doesn’t say anything.
Frank releases what he probably thinks is a war cry but sounds more like he’s hacking something up, and he jumps onto Bob, wrapping his legs around Bob’s waist and his arms around Bob’s shoulders.
Bob stands there and takes it. Elbow to the lips and all.
“Let’s cuddle,” Frank announces. He bites at Bob’s nose. Bob pulls his face away before Frank can actually bite him.
“No,” Bob says.
“Please,” Frank whines.
Bob’s phone rings. It’s probably Brian. Bob doesn’t want to answer it. He shouldn’t have even turned it back on. He hits ‘ignore.’
“I’m going to shower,” Bob says. He throws his phone onto the bed and dumps Frank onto the floor.
Frank races Bob to the bathroom and wins.
“Out,” Bob orders.
“No,” Frank says. “Strip.”
“No,” Bob says.
“Then this is going to be an awkward shower,” Frank says as he peels off his own shirt.
Bob sees the imperfections in Frank just as well as he can see the imperfections in himself. He can see the pudge hanging over Frank’s boxers. He can see the angry pink indentations from the seams of Frank’s jeans. He can see the striping of the elastic from the boxers after Frank removes them.
Frank stands in the bathroom, naked, with his hands on his hips.
Bob’s not sure why he doesn’t just leave.
“Strip,” Frank says.
Bob can’t run away forever. Even if he turns his back now, Frank will corner him in a probably more public place. Like in front of a camera. That will show his imperfections to the world.
Bob takes forever to strip down. He likes his layers.
Frank watches Bob carefully. He’s undoubtedly looking at the stretch marks that form a spider web across Bob’s hips and inner thighs. College is unhealthy. It involves a lot of sitting and studying and sugary, caffeinated drinks.
“I know that you’re not going to take my word for it,” Frank says, “but you’re pretty damn hot. The internet thinks you’re hot, too.”
Bob doesn’t give a fuck what the internet thinks. The internet is also in love with Pete Wentz. Clearly the internet has issues far deeper than anyone standing in the bathroom.
Frank runs his hands down Bob’s sides, and Bob, for the most part, lets him. “Seriously, Bob.”
Bob thinks that’s the moment it clicks with Frank that nothing he can say will penetrate Bob’s mind.
Bob stares at Frank impassively. Then it hits him that they’re standing naked in the middle of the bathroom, and Frank is touching him. Bob’s not sure he’s ever had that level of comfort before. He tries to remember the last time he was fully naked in front of anyone, and he can’t. Unlike Frank, who likes to shower wherever he can… like various sinks.
“Shower time!” Frank exclaims. His hands leave Bob’s waist as he turns on the shower, spraying the entire bathroom with freezing water. “Oops!”
Bob thinks that possibly Frank’s trying to seduce him. Frank’s succeeded in doing so once. But Frank doesn’t make a single move that’s sexual. He washes Bob carefully, meticulously, with a focus that Bob hadn’t thought he possessed. It’s… well, it’s sensual. More intimate than sex.
Bob offers to return the favor, but Frank quickly scrubs himself and hops out of the shower.
-
Bob cuddles with Frank. Bob agrees to it because even if he doesn’t, he’ll wake up at some point in the night with Frank cuddling him anyway. Bob makes Frank be the little spoon.
He’ll deal with Brian and the inevitable band meeting in the morning.
Pairing: Bob and Frank friendship
Rating: PG-13
Word Count: 1,531
Spoilers: n/a
Warnings: Eating disorders.
Author's Note: This takes place after this interview. Written for hc_bingo for the body dysmorphic disorder square. And it’s for the bingo! Beta by saekokato.
Disclaimer: Everyone here belongs to themselves.
Summary: Bob wears black and makes sure that all parts of his body are always covered when he’s out in public.
Shadowboxing
Bob wears black and makes sure that all parts of his body are always covered when he’s out in public. He hates cameras that document him and then put his image on the internet, spiders, and little shits who make him look stupid in interviews.
The moment they make it back to their bus, Bob grabs Frank by the hair and drags him into the back.
Frank protests vehemently, and then he goes very still.
“Good,” Bob says. Then, “What the fuck, Iero?”
“Anorexia’s a serious thing, man,” Frank mutters.
Bob growls. He knows anorexia’s a serious thing. He knows all about it. But his pudge is gone, and that was the ultimate goal. He won the war against his body, a war that’s been going on since Bob’s freshmen year of high school when a senior called out to him, “Hey, fatty!” That was Bob’s first fist fight. He had in-school for a week.
However, just because the war is over doesn’t mean Bob doesn’t need to keep constant vigilance.
Bob’s grip on Frank’s hair relaxes, and Frank wastes no time shoving himself into Bob’s personal space. Space that Bob loves to keep personal.
Bob growls again.
Frank bites at Bob’s jaw line and tugs at Bob’s clothing, fingers digging into Bob’s waist. “Should I feed you a Twinkie or something?”
Frank means it as a joke, but Bob recoils, and once he recovers, he punches Frank in the gut and leaves the room. He spends the rest of the night in his bunk fuming and listening to Return to Forever. And he definitely ignores his phone whenever it rings, which is often.
Bob ends up turning it off.
-
Bob spends the next day ignoring everyone - mostly Frank. He’s probably imagining the looks everyone keeps giving him. The worst culprits are Ray and Gerard.
They play their set, and it could be better. It could always be better. Bob pushes himself, but he’s still not good enough for the band. He’s just glad the rest of his band doesn’t acknowledge that.
-
Gerard joins Bob out by the bus after takedown. Bob’s on his third cigarette, mostly because he wants an excuse not to go back inside until the buses leave. But Frank sent out Gerard, and Bob has issues saying no to Gerard about certain things.
“The interview is already on YouTube,” Gerard says softly.
Bob snorts. Of course it is. Bob’s only surprised Brian hasn’t called him up. But that might have something to do with the fact Bob’s phone is still off. And under the pillow in his bunk.
“Is that what it is, Bob?” Gerard asks. He doesn’t look at Bob, but his tone of voice tells Bob everything he needs to know: Gerard wants to save him.
Bob doesn’t need to be saved.
“Was,” Bob finds himself saying, because he can’t lie to Gerard. Even if Frank had sent him out for the sole purpose of fact-finding. “That’s what it was.” It was mostly after he graduated college, but he’s programmed his mind to function that way, and traveling makes it just that much easier. But it’s not that anymore. He’s still unhappy with his waistline, but he’s shaved a bit of his beard to show his jaw line. And he has no problem showing off his legs. He likes his legs now. Well, his legs below his knees.
“Bob,” Gerard says. And Gerard knows. Of course Gerard knows. Bob had seen it in all of its miserable decent.
“I know,” Bob says.
“Go back to Frank,” Gerard suggests. “He’s beating himself up.”
Bob raises an eyebrow and wants to demand how Gerard can tell. But he doesn’t.
“Okay,” Bob says. He’s not going to go back to Frank. He’s going to go on the bus where Frank isn’t.
As he heads onto the buses, he hears Gerard say almost under his breath, “It’s never the past tense.”
-
The next night, the set is worse than before. Bob blames himself, but he can’t completely blame himself. He didn’t trip Mikey on Gerard’s mike wire. Bob’s all too happy about the attention being on Mikey instead of him.
-
Hotel night. Bob had been looking forward to it. To a bed. But now, now hotel night is a whole night trapped in a room with Frank. Bob can trade rooms, but someone will force him to talk. Bob doesn’t want to talk to Frank, but he wants to talk to Gerard even less.
Frank is pacing when Bob finally gives up chain smoking in the parking lot. Frank turns to him, but he doesn’t say anything. He’s waiting for Bob to make the first move.
Patience and Frank have never mixed well, so Frank ends up saying, “I’m an idiot.” That’s as close to an apology as Frank’s going to give, but Bob’ll take it.
“I know,” Bob says.
“I didn’t know,” Frank continues.
Bob glares. That’s the point. No one was supposed to know. It was personal.
“I liked your tummy,” Frank confesses. He doesn’t look at Bob when he says it.
Bob doesn’t miss it, but he doesn’t say so. He also doesn’t say that there’s still work to be done. Except Brain will be joining them tomorrow, and Bob knows he can’t escape it. And the entire band has been watching his every move with intense scrutiny. It’s not going to stop.
Frank catches on to Bob’s silence.
“No, seriously,” he says. “If I wanted to cuddle with a bag of bones, I’d cuddle with Mikey.”
Bob doesn’t say anything.
Frank releases what he probably thinks is a war cry but sounds more like he’s hacking something up, and he jumps onto Bob, wrapping his legs around Bob’s waist and his arms around Bob’s shoulders.
Bob stands there and takes it. Elbow to the lips and all.
“Let’s cuddle,” Frank announces. He bites at Bob’s nose. Bob pulls his face away before Frank can actually bite him.
“No,” Bob says.
“Please,” Frank whines.
Bob’s phone rings. It’s probably Brian. Bob doesn’t want to answer it. He shouldn’t have even turned it back on. He hits ‘ignore.’
“I’m going to shower,” Bob says. He throws his phone onto the bed and dumps Frank onto the floor.
Frank races Bob to the bathroom and wins.
“Out,” Bob orders.
“No,” Frank says. “Strip.”
“No,” Bob says.
“Then this is going to be an awkward shower,” Frank says as he peels off his own shirt.
Bob sees the imperfections in Frank just as well as he can see the imperfections in himself. He can see the pudge hanging over Frank’s boxers. He can see the angry pink indentations from the seams of Frank’s jeans. He can see the striping of the elastic from the boxers after Frank removes them.
Frank stands in the bathroom, naked, with his hands on his hips.
Bob’s not sure why he doesn’t just leave.
“Strip,” Frank says.
Bob can’t run away forever. Even if he turns his back now, Frank will corner him in a probably more public place. Like in front of a camera. That will show his imperfections to the world.
Bob takes forever to strip down. He likes his layers.
Frank watches Bob carefully. He’s undoubtedly looking at the stretch marks that form a spider web across Bob’s hips and inner thighs. College is unhealthy. It involves a lot of sitting and studying and sugary, caffeinated drinks.
“I know that you’re not going to take my word for it,” Frank says, “but you’re pretty damn hot. The internet thinks you’re hot, too.”
Bob doesn’t give a fuck what the internet thinks. The internet is also in love with Pete Wentz. Clearly the internet has issues far deeper than anyone standing in the bathroom.
Frank runs his hands down Bob’s sides, and Bob, for the most part, lets him. “Seriously, Bob.”
Bob thinks that’s the moment it clicks with Frank that nothing he can say will penetrate Bob’s mind.
Bob stares at Frank impassively. Then it hits him that they’re standing naked in the middle of the bathroom, and Frank is touching him. Bob’s not sure he’s ever had that level of comfort before. He tries to remember the last time he was fully naked in front of anyone, and he can’t. Unlike Frank, who likes to shower wherever he can… like various sinks.
“Shower time!” Frank exclaims. His hands leave Bob’s waist as he turns on the shower, spraying the entire bathroom with freezing water. “Oops!”
Bob thinks that possibly Frank’s trying to seduce him. Frank’s succeeded in doing so once. But Frank doesn’t make a single move that’s sexual. He washes Bob carefully, meticulously, with a focus that Bob hadn’t thought he possessed. It’s… well, it’s sensual. More intimate than sex.
Bob offers to return the favor, but Frank quickly scrubs himself and hops out of the shower.
-
Bob cuddles with Frank. Bob agrees to it because even if he doesn’t, he’ll wake up at some point in the night with Frank cuddling him anyway. Bob makes Frank be the little spoon.
He’ll deal with Brian and the inevitable band meeting in the morning.