I Always Feel Like Somebody's Watching Me
I like that song, but that's not the point. I got an e-mail from Sarah today. Apparently she reads my livejournal, I don't even know how she fucking found it but she reads it, so she's probably reading this right now... hi! She emailed me the following: "since the pig went for the spud she's never been happier". Gee, thanks... for almost ruining one of the most amazing weekends of my life. I was so upset from that email that I had Jordan call me just so I could vent. Anyways, I'm less upset now for a couple reasons: this e-mail proves to me once again that Sarah was never really what I thought she was, which is the most amazing girl I ever knew. She's just as petty and vindictive and as much of an asshole as everyone else (well not everyone but most people). This journal is a private thing that only select handful of my friends even know about. Being that Sarah isn't my girlfriend or friend or anything anymore, she really shouldn't be reading this, keeping tabs on me or whatever it is she gets out of this. Maybe she just wants to know whats going on in my life since our relationship sorta is dead... but even still why does she have to come back with this crap about her never being happier? I think about that all the time anyway, I'm sure she's way happier with him and it kills me, constantly, even months later. The betrayal is always in the back of my mind, the waste of a year, the fact that I was interim-boyfriend till Jay moved to Brooklyn makes me sick to my stomach even now. So I called her a pig, whatever, I'm just trying to de-humanize her so it doesn't hurt as much, sorta like what happened in Vietnam when the soldiers would kill the Vietnamese and call them "gooks" and wear necklaces made of their severed fingers. Being that I have no Sarah-severed-finger-necklace, name calling is all I have at this point, beyond the occasional tour of hatred stop on Ave. Y. This is just like when I told her I was going to visit my friend Kristen in Philly and she then came out and told me Jay was in town, like she was trying to keep up or something and even now, over 3 fucking months later she does it again. I don't even know where I'm going with this. But Sarah, if you're reading this, either stop reading my livejournal or email the address of your journal if you have one, cause this isn't fair and I sorta feel violated, honestly.