Quasiredundant Ramble for Diehard Readers
I am surprised I'm even doing this right now. Goddamn it, I was supposed to update my tumblr in order to be a productive freelance artist, promoting my work and what have you. Trouble is, I have been using this semi-private German internet browser as of late, and it doesn't agree with certain websites for reasons beyond my limited understanding. So I've got to use Firefox if I want to "tumble" or "facebook" or whatever, and running Firefox on this computer, more so using Firefox on this computer to access the full Internet Experience is tantamount to driving a horse and buggy down the Garden State Parkway at rush hour. I suppose I need a new computer to have the full Internet Experience, but I keep putting of purchasing one because I typically use the internet to lurk on forums, watch films, and read reviews and essays. But there's an internal nagging process that often runs in the background, rearing its head at least once a week, and that's when I attempt to navigate all those "important" websites. Couldn't "hang" today, however. Everything was moving too slow, and turning my caffeinated drive to be productive into some kind of manic frustration, cursing my stone-age computer, feeling my shoulders tense as it struggled to complete seemingly simple tasks..and doing so with that "gurgling" computer noise that I can't help but equate with bad times spent zoning out, eyes fixed on the hourglass cursor.
Plus, Facebook is just embarrassing. I'm embarrassed to be present on it, I'm embarrassed for people on it. I can't get on board with most of the shit that's considered to be "important" on there (current events, digital games, tv trivia, sports). Nearly all of that stuff being cooked up by some left-brain dominated round table of Ponzi schemers, living in fear of losing useless toys and status amongst their peers. I resent the fact that I have allowed myself to be programmed to operate using software sourced from those scoundrels and their lowly minions->Living Someone Else's Reality/living according to the Official Narrative.
I don't want to run those programs, and I try not to.
However, nearly everyone around me is running these programs, and the prison has been constructed to facilitate those running said programs. It's extremely difficult to navigate the prison using self-engineered programs.Under certain circumstances I have to play make-believe.
I have to play along, and then I get wrapped up in the narrative, because it appears to be
so "real," due to having so many willing participants who have never questioned the programs installed in childhood.
Fear of losing money, fear around money, fear about keeping money that I temporarily have.
It has no basis in "reality" whatsoever..just a dream concocted by some scheming playground bullies. Trying to uninstall those programs makes for a headache at first, but in moments when living in my own "truth" I can experience incredible waves of bliss that cut through the dull 9-5 existence like angry red laser beams.
Of course, by spending more time in my own head, in my own "truth," there is an increasing disconnect with the external "reality." I am going to partially blame my unemployment this summer on my desire to spend more time in the internal realm than the external realm. Building something like a stairway to heaven using a variety of methods, all while consensus reality continues to putter around outside my bubble. It is difficult, perhaps growing more difficult, to explain a lot of the experiences I've had this summer so far. I have tried to channel them into music, and somewhat into art, because both mediums allow me transmit stream of conscious stories and/or analysis in a way that feels more satisfying to me than writing. I like to write and talk but..words tend to fail me as of late. I am often unsatisfied with the words I have chosen when writing or speaking. And yet, I am trying to write some kind of summary here which likely leaves a lot to be desired. I suppose it would be accurate to say that this particular summer has been very productive creatively speaking, and has also allowed me many great opportunities to traverse all kinds of inner realities (using various methods, both great and small). I am somewhat convinced as of late that..., well I cannot really say, it's just not coming out right. Let's just say that a lot of the ideas concerning the nature of "reality," many of which I've paid lip service to on this blog, are more than ideas to me now, they are experienced states of being. But I am not claiming enlightenment or anything. I'm not very sure about that. I need to take a shower, shave my face, mail a record, scan a drawing..
skeleton one=new one..for Popper Publishing out of Latvia, there's a companion piece on my flickr
*PS
Looking through my folder of artwork I realized that there is now so much collected there
(2006-2014), that some pieces are totally lost on me, like I don't even remember making them and uploading them. I should make sub-folders to organized the work by years, but it is kind of fun looking through it all at once, arranged in alphabetical order.
Plus, Facebook is just embarrassing. I'm embarrassed to be present on it, I'm embarrassed for people on it. I can't get on board with most of the shit that's considered to be "important" on there (current events, digital games, tv trivia, sports). Nearly all of that stuff being cooked up by some left-brain dominated round table of Ponzi schemers, living in fear of losing useless toys and status amongst their peers. I resent the fact that I have allowed myself to be programmed to operate using software sourced from those scoundrels and their lowly minions->Living Someone Else's Reality/living according to the Official Narrative.
I don't want to run those programs, and I try not to.
However, nearly everyone around me is running these programs, and the prison has been constructed to facilitate those running said programs. It's extremely difficult to navigate the prison using self-engineered programs.Under certain circumstances I have to play make-believe.
I have to play along, and then I get wrapped up in the narrative, because it appears to be
so "real," due to having so many willing participants who have never questioned the programs installed in childhood.
Fear of losing money, fear around money, fear about keeping money that I temporarily have.
It has no basis in "reality" whatsoever..just a dream concocted by some scheming playground bullies. Trying to uninstall those programs makes for a headache at first, but in moments when living in my own "truth" I can experience incredible waves of bliss that cut through the dull 9-5 existence like angry red laser beams.
Of course, by spending more time in my own head, in my own "truth," there is an increasing disconnect with the external "reality." I am going to partially blame my unemployment this summer on my desire to spend more time in the internal realm than the external realm. Building something like a stairway to heaven using a variety of methods, all while consensus reality continues to putter around outside my bubble. It is difficult, perhaps growing more difficult, to explain a lot of the experiences I've had this summer so far. I have tried to channel them into music, and somewhat into art, because both mediums allow me transmit stream of conscious stories and/or analysis in a way that feels more satisfying to me than writing. I like to write and talk but..words tend to fail me as of late. I am often unsatisfied with the words I have chosen when writing or speaking. And yet, I am trying to write some kind of summary here which likely leaves a lot to be desired. I suppose it would be accurate to say that this particular summer has been very productive creatively speaking, and has also allowed me many great opportunities to traverse all kinds of inner realities (using various methods, both great and small). I am somewhat convinced as of late that..., well I cannot really say, it's just not coming out right. Let's just say that a lot of the ideas concerning the nature of "reality," many of which I've paid lip service to on this blog, are more than ideas to me now, they are experienced states of being. But I am not claiming enlightenment or anything. I'm not very sure about that. I need to take a shower, shave my face, mail a record, scan a drawing..
skeleton one=new one..for Popper Publishing out of Latvia, there's a companion piece on my flickr
*PS
Looking through my folder of artwork I realized that there is now so much collected there
(2006-2014), that some pieces are totally lost on me, like I don't even remember making them and uploading them. I should make sub-folders to organized the work by years, but it is kind of fun looking through it all at once, arranged in alphabetical order.