I'm turning myself to a demon
I haven't been able to sleep the past two nights, nor have I been able to keep my sanity in my palms. I'm typing this outside, because it feels better than being trapped indoors. At some point we all need to step outside and see the true beauty that surrounds us. No matter where you are.
I find it weird how I can take the smallest perception of me and turn it into the biggest flaw, and then when the people closest to me tell me the opposite I refuse to believe them, I think it has all to much to do with my belief in first impressions. I can't beat myself up over it, it's life and it's what happens. I can't expect everyone to give me this chance, and see past my flaws.
I feel like I've been lacking thoughts in words recently, and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I guess we all need to go away for a little while. It's funny though how much a song, or a smile, or even just a saying can bring you back. And I like living in memories sometimes, and there's times when I even like missing people. Honestly, I believe distance does make the heart grow fonder, but strictly when you have the intention of seeing them again. It's like you anticipate and build up all this emotion until you see them, and it's wonderful, and exciting, and endearing.
I still have to explain to my mom, why I don't need that week off in mid-July. I don't think it deserves explanation, it just didn't work out the way we hoped. Things will change, the walls that they built up to hold us back, will fall down. I keep thinking about it, and it was a completely ridiculous moment, but totally worth it. I choose to live with regrets, it helps you learn and makes you wiser for next time. I think we all need to be, but I don't regret that. I was feeling something, and then the feeling went away, and I can't explain how my brain chemistry works, or make up some long over thought explanation.
"I'm leaving him anyways." I can't believe I actually heard that line tonight. The only time I've heard that line was in a movie for a cheap one night stand. Sometimes I hear things, and I question the reality of it all.
I guess it's all a big question of reality. And having faith. And learning. And living. And never stopping.
I find it weird how I can take the smallest perception of me and turn it into the biggest flaw, and then when the people closest to me tell me the opposite I refuse to believe them, I think it has all to much to do with my belief in first impressions. I can't beat myself up over it, it's life and it's what happens. I can't expect everyone to give me this chance, and see past my flaws.
I feel like I've been lacking thoughts in words recently, and I feel like I've lost a part of myself. I guess we all need to go away for a little while. It's funny though how much a song, or a smile, or even just a saying can bring you back. And I like living in memories sometimes, and there's times when I even like missing people. Honestly, I believe distance does make the heart grow fonder, but strictly when you have the intention of seeing them again. It's like you anticipate and build up all this emotion until you see them, and it's wonderful, and exciting, and endearing.
I still have to explain to my mom, why I don't need that week off in mid-July. I don't think it deserves explanation, it just didn't work out the way we hoped. Things will change, the walls that they built up to hold us back, will fall down. I keep thinking about it, and it was a completely ridiculous moment, but totally worth it. I choose to live with regrets, it helps you learn and makes you wiser for next time. I think we all need to be, but I don't regret that. I was feeling something, and then the feeling went away, and I can't explain how my brain chemistry works, or make up some long over thought explanation.
"I'm leaving him anyways." I can't believe I actually heard that line tonight. The only time I've heard that line was in a movie for a cheap one night stand. Sometimes I hear things, and I question the reality of it all.
I guess it's all a big question of reality. And having faith. And learning. And living. And never stopping.