(no subject)
i need to let go of everything i find comfortable and open my eyes to new risks. that's the only way, after all, to find new rewards. when i spent a good few minutes telling you how excited i was for my interview, you completely blew it off. regardless of how angry i am at you for that, i almost have to thank you for once again reminding me why i never let you back in. all of my walls are up in the LOCK position, and just outside of that fortress i have a tiny army of beautiful women in sexy warrior outfits wielding swords and flaming arrows in the defense of my heart. i cannot believe how many lame dates and ridiculous people i have dealt with over the course of the last 7 (almost 8) months. i know breaking up with bobby was the farthest from a mistake, yet is this what i have to deal with? getting fucked and never called again? men who overreact about nonsense? corny mix cds and first-date flowers reminiscent of a teenaged relationship? MORE awful, painfully awkward sexual encounters? im done! im beyond over this bullshit and there are so many women i know who are dealing with the same thing. so many of us who are terrified that all the best ones have been scooped up and we are now left to deal with the leftovers we meet at the bar on the weekends, ex-boyfriends who are just as, if not more, fucked up than we are, and of course everyone's favorite weirdo hangout - the fucking internet. we are not alone in this, i know that. i know people understand what i am going through. but i havent felt more alone than i have over the last few weeks. its almost like something big and exciting has to happen soon because i'll lose my mind if it doesn't. but therein lies my first mistake - expecting anything.